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Weird National Briefs (12/26/2018)

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DWI-ception

SMYRNA, N.Y. - State police say a one-car accident on a rural upstate New York road led to three people being charged with driving while intoxicated.

Troopers say they responded last Saturday to a report of an accident on a road in the Chenango County town of Smyrna. When troopers arrived they found the crashed vehicle unoccupied but another one parked next to it.

The second vehicle fled the scene but troopers caught up to it in a neighboring town. Troopers say the 43-year-old man driving the vehicle was intoxicated. Riding with him was a 34-year-old Buffalo-area man who had been driving the first vehicle when it crashed.

Troopers also charged him with DWI.

Police say a 34-year-old woman who drove up while troopers were still at the scene was also drunk. She, too, was charged with DWI.

TME – It’s DWIs all the way down.

Tiny theft

ST. LOUIS - Police say they’ve tracked down a tiny home that was stolen in St. Louis.

Jefferson County Sheriff Dave Marshak said detectives found the home Wednesday morning about 30 miles (50 kilometers) from St. Louis in the unincorporated community of House Springs. An anonymous tip led police to the 12-foot-tall (3.66-meter-tall) house.

It’s a dream come true for owner Meghan Panu. Marshak says a towing company will take the house to her free of charge.

The St. Louis Post-Dispatch reports Panu spent two years and nearly $20,000 renovating the home and hoped to move in this spring. She discovered it missing Saturday. It has been on a trailer that was parked at a spot near Refab, a home remodeling supplies business.

Marshak said police continue to investigate.

TME – Takes home burglary to a whole new level.

Drive-thru dope

PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla. - Police in Florida say a 23-year-old man went through a McDonald’s drive-thru and tried to pay for his order with a bag of marijuana.

News outlets report Port St. Lucie police say the fast food worker denied the trade and Anthony Andrew Gallagher drove off, only to return again a short time later. Police arrested him Sunday on charges of marijuana possession and driving under the influence.

Police were alerted to Gallagher’s offer early Sunday morning and got a description of him from the worker. They say a suspect matching his description went through the drive-thru a little while later and police approached him.

It’s unclear if Gallagher attempted to pay for his order with drugs the second time. It’s also unclear if he has a lawyer.

TME – He might misunderstand how the process works.

A bridge too far

HERCULANEUM, Mo. - The Missouri Department of Transportation is giving away a Jefferson County bridge that was built during the Great Depression for free, but the offer comes with a catch.

KSDK-TV reports that the state’s transportation agency plans to demolish the truss bridge that carries cars across Joachim Creek in Jefferson County, unless state officials find a new owner. But anyone interested in the bridge must be willing to either maintain the structure or pay for it to be moved.

The department says there are multiple federal grants that the bridge’s new owner could apply for to receive up to 80 percent of what Missouri would spend to demolish the bridge.

Sam Shelton and Kenneth Chailland live near the historic bridge. They both say they’ve seen the bridge flood too many times to be its new owner.

TME – You’d think Paul Simon would be all over this.

All-terrain idiots

BEND, Ore. - Two Oregon jail inmates have been incarcerated longer following an escape attempt that Deschutes County Circuit Court Judge A. Michael Adler says was “one of the dumbest things I’ve seen in a while.”

The Bulletin reports 30-year-old Christopher Turre was sentenced Monday to 90 days in jail, and 34-year-old Shawn McCallister was sentenced last week to 18 months in prison.

The Deschutes County Sheriff’s Office says the two men stole an all-terrain vehicle while on a work detail at the county’s horse rescue ranch in early November.

They drove through a gate and led police on a pursuit before crashing on a field.

Prosecutor Steve Gunnels says both men “were visibly intoxicated and admitted to drinking hand sanitizer.”

He says Turre was one week from release before the escape attempt.

TME – The Shawshank Retention.

Poacher punishment

OZARKS, Mo. - A Missouri poacher has been ordered to repeatedly watch the movie “Bambi” as part of his sentence in a scheme to illegally kill hundreds of deer.

David Berry Jr. was ordered to watch the Disney classic at least once a month during his year-long jail sentence in what conservation agents have called one of the largest deer poaching cases in state history, the Springfield News-Leader reports.

“The deer were trophy bucks taken illegally, mostly at night, for their heads, leaving the bodies of the deer to waste,” said Don Trotter, the prosecuting attorney in Lawrence County.

Berry, his father, two brothers and another man who helped them had their hunting, fishing and trapping privileges revoked temporarily or permanently. The men have paid a combined $51,000 in fines and court costs but the judge ordered a special addition to Berry’s sentence for illegally taking wildlife.

Court records show he was ordered by Lawrence County Judge Robert George to “view the Walt Disney movie Bambi, with the first viewing being on or before December 23, 2018, and at least one such viewing each month thereafter” while at the county jail.

Berry was also sentenced to 120 days in jail in nearby Barton County for a firearms probation violation.

TME – You want to punish him, make him watch “The Emoji Movie.”

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