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Weird National Briefs (11/07/2018)

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The write-in stuff

STANTON, Mich. - Just one write-in vote will win an election for a county post in western Michigan.

Christopher Johnston lost the August primary for a seat on Montcalm County Board of Commissioners. Ron Braman’s victory meant he would run unopposed in the Nov. 6 election.

But the 74-year-old Braman died on Oct. 24.

The Daily News in Greenville reports that Johnston met the deadline to sign up as a write-in candidate, two days after Braman’s death. No one else did. So Johnston only needs a single vote Tuesday to become a county commissioner.

The Montcalm County clerk says Johnston “absolutely” can write his own name. Fred Woodhams, spokesman for the secretary of state, says, “It’s not common, but it does happen from time to time.”

TME – The system works!

Snake mistake

FORT WORTH, Texas - A Goodwill worker collecting clothes and other items at a Texas sorting center was surprised to find an albino python clinging to the side of a bin.

The python was huddled in a pile of clothes when the worker discovered it Thursday at the center in Fort Worth.

Manager James Murphy says it’s not clear if the snake slithered away from its owner and was accidentally dropped off or if its donation was intentional.

The python had a serpentine journey: It arrived at one of nearly 40 Goodwill donation drop-offs in the area before being transported to the Fort Worth sorting center.

Goodwill staffers will care for the python until the owner claims it or a permanent home is found.

TME – More like Not-So-Goodwill.

Pants-free prowler

KINGSPORT, Tenn. - Police in Tennessee say a half-naked woman fell twice through a restaurant’s ceiling and landed in its kitchen.

News outlets report 26-year-old Harley C. Morton was arrested Tuesday on charges including trespassing and disorderly conduct.

A Kingsport police report says a Cook Out employee called 911 when the naked bottom half of a woman dropped through the ceiling tiles.

It says a responding officer found her wallet with her ID on the restaurant’s roof. Police say she may have got into the ceiling through an air conditioning unit.

It says Morton fell through the ceiling again while the officer was on the roof. It says she landed on the floor and was arrested by other officers. It’s unclear if she has a lawyer.

TME – Maybe she was looking for Old Navy?

Sauced stowaway

CHICAGO - Police say a baggage handler told them he was drunk when he fell asleep in a cargo hold and flew from Kansas City to Chicago.

American Airlines says the Piedmont Airlines employee was working American Flight 363 on Saturday when the Boeing 737 left Kansas City International Airport with the handler in a heated and pressurized cargo hold.

Chicago Police spokesman Anthony Guglielmi says he was found when the flight landed about an hour later at Chicago’s O’Hare airport. The spokesman says the handler told police he was intoxicated and had fallen asleep.

No charges were filed, and he was sent back to Kansas City.

American says it is grateful the handler wasn’t injured and it’s reviewing what happened.

The handler’s name wasn’t released.

TME – Half in the bag in the baggage, eh?

Canine crack shot

LAS CRUCES, N.M. - A New Mexico man is recovering after he says his dog Charlie shot him.

Yes, he said his 120-pound Rottweiler shot him in the back.

The Las Cruces Sun-News reports Sonny “Tex” Gilligan told police Charlie accidentally pulled the trigger during a hunt for jackrabbits in the desert west of Las Cruces.

According to the 74-year-old Gilligan, Charlie got his foot in the trigger of the gun while in the back seat of Gilligan’s parked truck, slipped off and pulled the trigger.

The bullet went through the driver’s seat and struck Gilligan’s back, breaking a few ribs and shattering his collarbone.

Gilligan was transported to University Medical Center in El Paso where he underwent several surgeries and is expected to recover.

Gilligan says Charlie is still “a good dog.”

TME – His bark is worse than his bite. And his itchy trigger paw is worse than his bark.

Colon blow(up)

KANSAS CITY, Mo. - There is a sigh of relief after police recovered a giant inflatable colon that is used to teach about the dangers of colon cancer.

Kansas City, Missouri, police on Tuesday announced on Twitter a tip led officers to locate the “pilfered intestine” inside a vacant house.

The 10-foot long, 150-pound prop, valued at $4,000, was stolen this month from the back of a pickup truck. It had been purchased by the Colon Cancer Coalition, which hosts walking and running events under a “Get Your Rear In Gear” campaign, and was stored at the University of Kansas Cancer Center.

There is a silver lining to the story. Donations poured in after the theft and the coalition was able to purchase two replacement colons.

Police say no one is in custody.

TME – If it’s only partially inflated, is it a semicolon?

Plane stupid

KENOSHA, Wis. - Sheriff’s officials say the pilot of an ultralight seaplane that crashed into a southern Wisconsin lake swam to shore and hitched a ride home without contacting the authorities about the wreck because he didn’t think it was a big deal.

Kenosha Sheriff David Beth says a woman walking her dog saw the wreckage in Camp Lake late Monday and called authorities. Fire and rescue units from Salem Lakes, Bristol and Somers, along with the county dive team, responded to look for a possible victim.

Beth says after the rescuers found no body, officials tracked the pilot down at his home in Antioch, Illinois, several hours later, via phone numbers found in the aircraft.

Beth says that other than being cold and wet, the pilot said he was not injured.

TME – Makes you wonder what he WOULD consider a big deal.

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