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Weird National Briefs (08/01/2018)

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Verizon Windowless

RALEIGH, N.C. - A 74-year-old man ranting about a broken phone drove his car through the glass storefront of a Verizon Wireless store in North Carolina, authorities said Friday, stunning shoppers during the dinner hour at an upscale mall.

Charles Michael Hager was charged with assault with a deadly weapon and damaging property after he drove into the store at a busy shopping center Thursday night, according to a police statement.

A witness told a 911 operator that he saw Hager standing outside the store located between two popular restaurants, demanding that it reopen to help him with his broken phone.

“He was demanding to get his phone fixed,” the unidentified caller said, later adding: “He said: `My damn phone’s not working. I need help. Open this damn door.”

A police news release said Hager first kicked the door, shattering glass, then drove his car through the storefront. Six employees were in the store, but no one was injured.

“There’s no front door. All the glass is shattered. It’s amazing. His front end is still inside the front door. I’ve never seen anything like it,” the witness told the 911 operator.

The caller said a crowd of bewildered onlookers gathered around as the man got out of his car wearing a gray collared shirt and gray slacks and continued to yell. The scene unfolded at North Hills Mall, an outdoor shopping center surrounded by pricey homes and several high-rise office buildings north of downtown.

TME – “CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW!?!?!!?”

Crap and field

KENILWORTH, N.J. - The school superintendent accused of repeatedly defecating on another high school’s track has resigned.

The Star-Ledger of Newark reports the Kenilworth school board accepted Thomas Tramaglini’s resignation Thursday. In an email and voicemail sent to staff, the board said it became clear his continued service became “too much of a distraction.”

Tramaglini is charged with public defecation, lewdness and littering. A court hearing is pending.

Authorities say surveillance video caught Tramaglini in late April following an early morning run at Holmdel High School. Police said staff members were watching to see who had been leaving human feces on the property.

His lawyer, Matthew Adams, issued a statement saying that Tramaglini will continue to fight the allegations and that his resignation should not “be construed as an acknowledgement of guilt.” Neither Adams nor authorities have said why Tramaglini allegedly did what police allege.

Adams also said Tramaglini plans to sue Holmdel police over the mug shot taken after his arrest, claiming they should not have photographed him at police headquarters because the public defecation, lewdness and litter charges were low-level municipal offenses.

TME – S—t happens.

Higher calling

KEY WEST, Fla. - A perennial candidate for mayor of Key West took a phone call from God during a recent debate.

“Hello? What? God?” Sloan Bashinsky said into his cellphone during Monday night’s debate for city commission and mayoral candidates.

According to a report in the Miami Herald, Bashinsky then talked about cuts to nonprofit funding and told God he thinks city officials have lost their minds.

Bashinsky has a law degree from Vanderbilt University and used to be among Key West’s homeless. He says God told him to seek office.

Weird is relative in Key West, where another perennial candidate, the late barkeep and ship captain Tony Tarracino, eventually won the mayor’s office after saying “all you need in this life is a tremendous sex drive and a great ego.”

TME – “Are You There God? It’s Me, Mayoral Candidate Sloan Bashinsky.”

Judgement Free Zone

PLAISTOW, N.H. - A man who stripped naked before working out at a New Hampshire gym told police officers that he thought he was in a “Judgement Free Zone,” before being arrested.

NECN reports 34-year-old Eric Stagno, of Haverhill, Massachusetts, was charged with indecent exposure, lewdness and disorderly conduct on Sunday for taking off his clothes and exercising at a Plaistow Planet Fitness.

Police say he walked back and forth and started doing poses on a yoga mat. He allegedly referenced Planet Fitness’ slogan that it is a “Judgement Free Zone.”

Stagno is free on bail and is scheduled to be arraigned on Sept. 21 in Plaistow District Court.

Stagno could not be reached for comment, and his attorney could not be immediately identified.

TME – Alas, “Judgement Free” does not equate to “Pants Free.”

Man bites dog

DENVER - A man accused of stealing a tractor before leading Denver police on a slow-speed chase through the city also is charged with biting and choking a police dog and stealing two other cars.

Denver District Attorney Beth McCann on Thursday filed 23 charges against 37-year-old Thomas Busch connected to the July 20 incident, including 10 felony-level charges.

It’s not clear if Busch has an attorney.

The charges include three counts of aggravated motor vehicle theft, three counts of failure to report an accident and one count of cruelty to a certified police working dog.

Authorities say Busch stole a car, then a tow truck before taking the tractor from a city water department facility. A police squad car eventually rammed the tractor’s front end in downtown Denver, stopping it.

TME – This seems like it should have happened in Florida.

Meanwhile, in Florida …

JACKSONVILLE, Fla. - A man made a beer run into a Florida convenience store carrying a live alligator with its mouth taped shut.

Video posted by television station WTLV shows the unidentified man walking into the Jacksonville store holding the gator with his right hand.

He walks with the gator toward the counter, asking, “Y’all ain’t out of beer are you?”

He then sees someone in the back of the store and says, “Is he taking the last bit of beer? You aren’t taking the last bit of beer are you?”

The man with the gator jokingly runs at the other man as people in the store laugh.

He then grabs a 12-pack of beer.

The television station says Florida wildlife investigators are looking into the incident.

TME – We assume he will see them later.

Last modified on Thursday, 23 August 2018 13:30

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