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Weird National Briefs (04/24/2019)

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Burger-mergency

WYOMING, Mich. - A 5-year-old Michigan boy had a craving for McDonald’s, but his grandmother was sleeping so he called 911 and made a request.

WZZM-TV in Grand Rapids reports Iziah Hall of Wyoming asked the dispatcher: “Can you bring me McDonald’s?” Dispatcher Sara Kuberski says she told him no but reached out to the police.

Wyoming police officer Dan Patterson says the April 14 request made him laugh, so he stopped at McDonald’s on his way to check on Iziah’s home in the western Michigan city.

Patterson says he thought, “I’m driving past McDonald’s on my way there and I might as well get him something.” The officer says the first thing the boy said to him was, “My grandma’s gonna be so mad, can you please go away?”

TME – We all define “emergency” in our own way.

Instant karma

PLANT CITY, Fla. - Authorities say a Florida man impersonating an officer flipped the red and blue lights on his SUV while unknowingly trying to stop a car with a real officer.

The Tampa Bay Times reports 26-year-old Matthew Erris was arrested on a charge of impersonating a public officer.

An arrest report says Erris turned on the red and blue lights on his SUV in Plant City, Florida to try to stop the car in front of him.

The driver was an undercover Hillsborough County sheriff’s detective in an unmarked car. He didn’t pull over. Instead he called dispatchers to alert other deputies, who later stopped Erris.

Erris admitted he installed the lights and used them to get through heavy traffic.

Jail records did not list an attorney for Erris.

TME – That’s OFFICER Florida Man to you.

Nude nonsense

NASHVILLE, Tenn. - Police say a Tennessee man returned home to find a naked stranger sitting on his couch drinking juice.

WKRN-TV cites a Nashville police report that says the resident summoned officers Wednesday and told them he called out to the stranger, who responded by screaming and dropping the juice.

When officers asked the man to exit the home, they say he did so but was wearing only a T-shirt.

The resident reported the man had consumed ice cream from the home in addition to the juice.

Police took 67-year-old James Wooten into custody on charges including aggravated burglary. His bail was set at $5,000.

It wasn’t immediately clear if Wooten has an attorney.

TME – He just didn’t want to risk spilling juice on his pants. Smart move, really.

Meet-cute?

CLEVELAND - Proving life and love can be a carousel, a couple is marrying at the Ohio airport baggage claim where they met 12 years ago.

Michelle Belleau’s boss sent her to pick up Ron Peterson at Cleveland Hopkins International Airport in 2007. A long-distance relationship developed, with Belleau in Cleveland and Peterson in Los Angeles. Now they’re getting married Saturday at a spot Belleau says “couldn’t be more perfect,” The Plain Dealer reports.

Belleau says airports became happy and sad places for the couple as they’d reunite and then too quickly have to depart. She has since moved to California.

Southwest Airlines has agreed to move arriving bags to another carousel to make way for the ceremony. Belleau says it took time to convince Hopkins officials to let them marry there.

TME – Relationship baggage has never been so literal.

Packing a pee-shooter

GULFPORT, Fla. - Authorities in Florida say a 71-year-old man filled a squirt gun with urine and sprayed a woman who was walking her dog.

Gulfport police said in an arrest report that Joel William Benjamin approached the woman on Sunday and squirted her several times with urine.

The report says Benjamin told officers he would “do it again,” but it was unclear what motivated the attack.

He faces a misdemeanor battery charge and left jail after posting a $500 bond. A lawyer for Benjamin wasn’t listed on jail records.

Gulfport is near St. Petersburg on Florida’s Gulf Coast.

TME – Urine real trouble now, buddy!

Porn free

GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. - An Indiana man is suing his parents for getting rid of his vast pornography collection, which he estimates is worth $29,000.

The 40-year-old man last week filed a lawsuit in federal court in Michigan, where he moved in with his parents in 2016 following a divorce.

He says that when he moved out 10 months later, they delivered his things to his new home in Muncie, Indiana, but that his 12 boxes of pornographic films and magazines were missing. His parents admit they dumped the porn, which included titles such as “Frisky Business” and “Big Bad Grannys.”

The man filed a complaint with police, but the Ottawa County prosecutor declined to press charges. The lawsuit includes an email excerpt from the man’s father, who told his son, “I did you a big favor by getting rid of all this stuff.”

The man is seeking triple financial damages of roughly $87,000.

TME – Let’s see if he can pull it … off.

Grease is the word

ANNANDALE, Va. - Police say a central Virginia man made off with a whopper of a haul from Burger King: hundreds of gallons of used cooking grease.

But he couldn’t give police the slip and now faces grand larceny charges.

News outlets report Alvaro Mendez Flores of Richmond admitted to the April 4 theft. Court documents state Mendez Flores backed up his box truck to the grease dumpster at the Annandale Shopping Center and used a hose to begin siphoning the used oil into a 1,600-gallon tank.

Cooking grease can be used to make biodiesel fuel. Grease thefts have increased as biodiesel prices have risen. Police noted six such thefts in Fairfax County over the past year.

Mendez Flores told police he would get paid 25 cents a gallon for the stolen oil.

TME – Talk about your hot oil treatments.

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