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Weird National Briefs (04/17/2019)

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Naked and unafraid

NEWTOWN, Conn. (AP) - Police in Connecticut say a man crashed his SUV into a stranger’s yard and then wandered in the house naked.

Newtown Police say 35-year-old Joseph Achenbach, of Watertown, crashed his Ford Escape into the rear yard of a house while the homeowners were shopping Saturday morning.

The homeowners returned to find Achenbach wandering around naked. Police say he entered through an unlocked sliding glass door and was apparently naked when he crashed his vehicle as his clothes could not be located. They say alcohol and possibly drugs played a role in Achenbach’s behavior.

Achenbach has been charged with criminal trespassing, reckless endangerment, disorderly conduct and driving while intoxicated. He’s being held on $5,000 bond and will appear in court Monday. It’s not immediately clear if he has a lawyer.

TME – When someone says you can crash at their place, this is not what they mean.

Nude pursuit

DADE CITY, Fla. (AP) - Authorities say three women who were applying suntan lotion publicly in the nude at a Florida rest stop led police on a 21-mile chase, drove a car at a deputy and threatened another deputy with a bat.

The Florida Highway Patrol says when a deputy approached the women at the Interstate 75 rest stop Wednesday in Dade City, they started dressing. They said they had been staying at a relative’s home but went to the rest stop after an altercation and had nowhere else to go. The Tampa Bay Times reports the women claimed they were “air drying” after washing up. The women then fled in a car.

The three ultimately were caught. They’ve been charged with aggravated assault on a law enforcement officer, resisting arrest, fleeing to elude and indecent exposure.

TME – Once again, Florida stays aggressively on-brand.

Mashed mystery

JACKSON, Miss. (AP) - Residents of a neighborhood in Jackson, Mississippi, are confused by the bowls of mashed potatoes they’re finding on their cars, porches and mailboxes.

Resident Jordan Lewis described the Belhaven neighborhood as a quirky one, with residents decorating road signs and putting Christmas trees in potholes.

“So we don’t know if someone is just playing a prank or if someone just had a lot of leftovers,” Lewis said.

But Sebastian Bjernegard says some residents fear there’s a more sinister message behind the potatoes.

“Some people were thinking maybe the mashed potatoes were poisoned to kill animals,” he said, noting that he almost stepped into a bowl of potatoes Tuesday. “I didn’t taste it. I have a three-second rule, so I didn’t touch it. But some people were worried.”

It’s unclear if anyone has eaten the potatoes, and news outlets report residents haven’t alerted law enforcement.

Resident Michaela Lin says some of potato-finders have connections to a local private Christian university, which may be a clue.

TME – Potato, potato – let’s call the whole thing off.

Roomba robber

BEAVERTON, Ore. (AP) - Authorities have released police body camera video showing the moment when officers in Oregon realized a suspected robber holed up in a bathroom was really a robotic vacuum cleaner.

The Washington County Sheriff’s Office says deputies discovered the menacing appliance after entering the bathroom with guns drawn.

Assisted by a Beaverton canine officer, they had gone to the home after a house sitter called 911 Monday, saying someone was inside the bathroom.

Sheriff’s Sgt. Danny DiPietro says this encounter was his first “Roomba burglar” in 13 years on the job.

He says the office is still having a good laugh about it.

Beaverton is a suburb west of Portland.

TME – No job is safe from the looming specter of automation.

Butt baubles

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. (AP) - A New Mexico man is facing charges after police say he tried to hide nearly four dozen stolen diamonds in his anus.

A criminal complained filed in Albuquerque’s Metropolitan Court says an officer cracked the case after seeing Eusebio Padilla remove “a baggy” from his rear end during a traffic stop on Sunday.

Court documents say Officer Daniel DeGraff found 44 small diamonds in the baggy and Padilla admitted precious stones were likely stolen.

DeGraff wrote he initially stopped the 23-year-old Padilla in Albuquerque for riding a motorcycle without a license plate.

Padilla told DeGraff that he got the diamonds from his uncle and he was looking to trade them for drugs.

Padilla was charged with tampering with evidence and receiving stolen property. It was not known if he had an attorney.

TME – Let’s hear Paul Simon sing about THOSE diamonds.

Can’t handle candles

LORDSBURG, N.M. (AP) - A semi-truck has overturned on Interstate 10 in southern New Mexico, dumping candles all over the highway.

The Las Cruces Sun-News reports investigators say the truck on Monday rolled then flipped onto its side while ditching wax and wicks all over the eastbound interstate.

New Mexico State Police say the cause of the crash is still under investigation. No injuries were reported.

Police spokesman Dusty Francisco says east and westbound lanes of Interstate 10 near the New Mexico and Arizona border were blocked for several hours.

TME – This is what happens when you burn the candle at both ends.

Tower heist

MCINTOSH, Ala. (AP) - It was going to be a towering theft.

Three men are jailed in southwest Alabama on charges that they cut down a cellphone tower and tried to saw it up to sell for scrap.

Washington County Sheriff’s Lt. Bobby Jeter tells WALA-TV that a worker cutting grass for the tower company reported it had fallen on Thursday. But an inspection of the site near McIntosh revealed guy wires had been cut.

Jeter says deputies began watching the area and a resident called Saturday reporting noises.

Deputies arrived to find William Cameron, Ricky Reed and David Weaver cutting up the tower. Deputies said the men had already loaded pieces of the tower on their truck.

The three are jailed with bail of $15,000 set. It’s unclear if they have lawyers.

TME – Can you hear me now?

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