Bail bong

ASHLAND, La. (AP) — A Louisiana woman was arrested on drug charges after police determined the $5,000 cash she used to post an inmate’s bail had a “strong odor of marijuana.”

Authorities began investigating Stormy Lynn Parfait, 33, on Friday, shortly after she showed up at the Ashland jail to pay the bond fee for an inmate being held there on drug charges, the Terrebonne Parish Sheriff’s Office said in a statement obtained by news outlets.

After catching a whiff of the cash, a detective searched her car while she was still at the jail and found nearly $40,000 more inside, along with about 100 Klonopin pills and a food stamp card that wasn’t registered to Parfait, according to the sheriff’s statement.

Investigators found hundreds of additional pills and cash as well as marijuana, cocaine and paraphernalia, during a search of Parfait’s home later, news outlets reported. Four unattended children there were turned over to a relative.

Parfait was charged with multiple counts of possession with intent to distribute drugs, four counts of illegal use of a controlled drug in the presence of persons under 17, taking contraband to or into a correctional institution and other related charges, authorities said.

It’s unclear whether she has an attorney who can comment on her behalf.

TME – Hard to imagine how such a criminal mastermind gets caught.

Where’s the beef?

PEMBROKE PINES, Fla. (AP) — A cow is on the loose in South Florida. Not considered dangerous, but police have been trying to corral it for weeks.

The Pembroke Pines Police Department said Wednesday the animal has been spotted near Interstate 75 in southern Broward County. Somehow it has eluded capture since late January.

The police department put out a tweet: “Wanted: Unknown Cow.”

Followed by this:

“Description: Female cow. Brown with a white head. Faster than it looks. Talented fence jumper. Enjoys pools.”

Police spokeswoman Amanda Conwell said officers and wranglers have been unable to catch the animal and have backed off when it gets too close to heavily traveled roads.

“It jumps fences,” she said. “It goes into pools.”

Police also say the cow is guilty of “MOOving violations, uddering false checks, and fleeing and eluding police.” These are direct quotes.

TME – You have to admire a cow living her best life – truly moo-ving.

Bey play

LAS CRUCES, N.M. (AP) — A New Mexico woman is facing charges after police say she stole a car and later tried to claim she was pop singer Beyoncé Knowles.

Surena Henry was arrested Saturday morning in Las Cruces, New Mexico, when an officer spotted a vehicle that resembled one that recently had been reported stolen, the Las Cruces Sun-News reports.

According to court documents, the 48-year-old Henry ignored the officer’s orders to pull over and later parked in front of her home.

Documents say Henry told the officer she was Beyoncé.

Police also reported Henry told the officer she found the keys in the vehicle and decided to take it for a joy ride. She also allegedly told police that she didn’t stop driving when she saw the emergency lights because she didn’t feel like it.

Henry is charged with unlawful taking of a motor vehicle, concealing identity and resisting or obstructing an arrest.

It was not known if she had an attorney.

TME – Now, say you’re Kelly Rowland and you might pull it off.

Hot sauce hold-up

YUMA, Ariz. (AP) - An Arizona man is facing charges after police say he waved a gun at a fast-food drive-thru window and demanded hot sauce.

Abel Lerma is facing multiple charges in the case and was recently arrested earlier this month again - this time on aggravated drunken driving, the Yuma Sun reports.

According to police, Lerma in June pulled a gun on an employee at a Filiberto’s Mexican Food restaurant and demanded hot sauce, which is given for free with every food purchase.

Police say the episode was captured on video surveillance cameras.

Lerma and the driver of the car were later arrested.

TME – And now he’s in hot water.