Wednesday, 17 April 2019 10:03

Weird National Briefs (04/17/2019)

Written by Allen Adams

Naked and unafraid

NEWTOWN, Conn. (AP) - Police in Connecticut say a man crashed his SUV into a stranger’s yard and then wandered in the house naked.

Newtown Police say 35-year-old Joseph Achenbach, of Watertown, crashed his Ford Escape into the rear yard of a house while the homeowners were shopping Saturday morning.

The homeowners returned to find Achenbach wandering around naked. Police say he entered through an unlocked sliding glass door and was apparently naked when he crashed his vehicle as his clothes could not be located. They say alcohol and possibly drugs played a role in Achenbach’s behavior.

Achenbach has been charged with criminal trespassing, reckless endangerment, disorderly conduct and driving while intoxicated. He’s being held on $5,000 bond and will appear in court Monday. It’s not immediately clear if he has a lawyer.

TME – When someone says you can crash at their place, this is not what they mean.

Wednesday, 10 April 2019 11:59

Celebrity Slam - Shamrock sucks

Written by Allen Adams

We’re not always about the biggest stories here at Celebrity Slam.

Given our longstanding flexibility with regards to what the term “celebrity” even means, it’s not surprising that sometimes we go with items featuring people who might be a little lower on the pop culture ladder. Sure, it’s fun to go after the superstars, but when you step down a tier or three, well … sometimes you find someone who REALLY deserves whatever they get.

So no, we will not be addressing the ongoing college admissions scandal and the famous people embroiled within it. Well, at least not at length – we will say that Felicity Huffman submitted a guilty plea and might dodge doing time (though prosecutors are looking for at least four months), while Lori Laughlin appears to have drastically overplayed her hand in refusing to plead out; the amount of money involved means that Aunt Becky could be facing a prison sentence of four years minimum.

Blah blah blah – we’ll talk about it at length at some point, but not this week. Right now, we’ve got someone on the hook for being just a real garbage pile. He’s not super famous, but he is famous enough for our purposes.

Former UFC star Frank Shamrock had a problem. He was moving his ailing mother out of her home and her new place wouldn’t allow her two dogs to come with her. Frank was able to get one of the dogs placed in a shelter, but the other one – a sweet girl named Zelda – was tougher to place. So did he buckle down and keep trying, doing his best for an animal beloved by his own mother?

Good reader, he did not.

Wednesday, 10 April 2019 11:57

Weird National Briefs (04/10/2019)

Written by Allen Adams

Florida Man strikes again

PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla. - A Florida man was re-arrested within minutes after he was released from jail for burglarizing cars in the jail’s parking lot.

The St. Lucie County Sheriff’s Office says 37-year-old Casey Lewis bonded out of jail Thursday, only to be caught by deputies burglarizing several cars outside the jail.

Lewis was booked inside the jail on burglary charges and then released a second time that day on bond.

Treasure Coast Newspapers reports Lewis originally was brought to the jail on a grand theft charge.

Online court records showed no attorney listed for Lewis.

TME – Another tremendously on-brand story out of the Sunshine State.

Wednesday, 03 April 2019 12:05

Celebrity Slam - Flash in the can

Written by Allen Adams

Famous people have a tendency to believe that the rules don’t actually apply to them. They’ve been so coddled and enabled by the people around them – and the public at large, really – that they simply feel like they can do things that regular people aren’t allowed to do. They feel like their actions have no actual consequences.

(And honestly, thank goodness, because that sense of entitlement is what leads them to say and do the things that land them in this space. If celebrities weren’t ego-driven and lacking in self-awareness, this feature wouldn’t exist at all. That would be a real shame.)

Our latest entry in the “I’m famous so I don’t have to follow the rules” canon is actor Grant Gustin, who plays the Flash on the CW series of the same name. So what did young Mr. Gustin do? What easily-understandable and totally reasonable rule did he break?

He got busted vaping in an airplane bathroom. But, like, REALLY vaping. Vaping HARD.

Wednesday, 03 April 2019 12:03

Weird National Briefs (04/03/2019)

Written by Allen Adams

Everything surfs on Dunkin’

HAMPTON FALLS, N.H. - A New Hampshire man placed second in an innovation contest after fashioning a surfboard out of hundreds of used Dunkin’ Donuts coffee cups.

Thirty-two-year-old Korey Nolan, of Hampton Falls, spent seven months collecting the cups for a competition put on by surf brand Vissla called Creators and Innovators Upcycle Contest. The Portsmouth Herald reports Nolan’s board is made out of 700 cups.

Nolan also used more than 30 plastic straws and other materials in his board. Most cups came from family members who gave them to Nolan, though some were picked up from the roadside.

The Herald reports Nolan compressed the raw materials together and finished the board using bamboo, epoxy and more. The top honors went to Titouan La Droitte, who built a board out of 150 aluminum cans.

TME – Wait until you see the Zamboni made out of Tim Hortons cups.

Wednesday, 27 March 2019 12:54

Celebrity Slam - Between The Rock and a Hanks place

Written by Allen Adams

Our affinity for beef here at Celebrity Slam is no secret. There are few things that we love more than celebrities taking one another to task over slights real and imagined. The combination of massive egos and an absence of self-awareness results in a wonderfully deluded crescendo, a perfect storm of entitled idiocy that allows us to sit back and deliver scorn and mockery with reckless abandon.

We’re happy every time any pair of celebrities engages in public conflict. Online is fine, in-person is perfect, but really, we’ll take whatever we get.

But there’s beef … and then there’s BEEF.

This latest feud is something altogether different. So unexpected and unlikely as to be almost unbelievable. It’s a celebrity beef unlike any that we’ve ever had the good fortune to encounter. As far as Celebrity Slam, it may be the Platonic ideal of beef.

Buckle in folks, because The Rock is beefing … with Tom Hanks.

Go ahead. Take a second to collect yourselves. We certainly needed one. OK, deep breaths.

Wednesday, 27 March 2019 12:53

Weird National Briefs (03/27/2019)

Written by Allen Adams

Foam & film

ROCHESTER, N.Y. - Kodak says a new beer hitting the market can be used to develop its Super 8 movie film.

Dogfish Head Craft Brewery in Delaware created its SuperEIGHT beer after a conversation with people at Kodak, the upstate New York technology company most famous for its photographic roots.

Dogfish learned from Kodak that heightened levels of acidity and vitamin C in certain beers could make them a processing agent for film. That inspired the brewery to design such a beer. Kodak helped by testing it.

Dogfish founder Sam Calagione says he’ll document his summer travels on Super 8 film that will be developed in SuperEIGHT beer and turned into a short film.

The beer, made with pear, mango, berries, kiwi, quinoa and salt, is set for national distribution next month.

TME – A different kind of DUI – Developing Under the Influence.

Wednesday, 20 March 2019 12:06

Celebrity Slam - Conor’s phone freakout

Written by Allen Adams

It’s always hard to deal with the week after.

While we always have fun here at Celebrity Slam, we are rarely gifted with something so beautifully perfect for this space as the still-ongoing college admissions scandal. Yes, there are plenty of plain, boring, un-famous rich people involved, but we also have Lori Loughlin and Felicity Huffman.

There have been developments since last we spoke, mostly regarding Loughlin’s side of things. Her daughter (and notable social media influencer) Olivia Jade has some old posts regarding her general disdain for school that don’t reflect well. Oh, and it turns out that she was partying on a yacht belonging to a USC trustee as everything was going down. Plus, Loughlin has gotten the old heave-ho from the fine folks at the Hallmark Channel.

But we can’t really spend too much time here. We have to move on. Even though subsequent stories almost certainly won’t be as fun, we can’t just live on Operation Varsity Blues forever.

And so, we’re going to talk about Conor McGregor.

Wednesday, 20 March 2019 12:04

Weird National Briefs (03/20/2019)

Written by Allen Adams

Practice makes perfect

PORTAGE, Wis. - Authorities in southern Wisconsin say a 56-year-old Cambria man arrested on suspicion of his 8th OWI offense tried to drink in front of a deputy.

According to the Columbia County Sheriff’s Office, a vehicle was reported in a ditch in the Town of Fountain Prairie Saturday night. The caller reported the driver wasn’t hurt, but “something wasn’t right with the driver.” The caller gave the man a ride home.

When a deputy arrived, the man had returned in another car. When the man was told he would be arrested, authorities say he tried to grab an open liquor bottle from the vehicle and drink from it.

The man was arrested on suspicion of OWI 8th offense, bail jumping, operating with open intoxicants and failure to maintain control of his vehicle.

TME – Go big or go home.

Wednesday, 13 March 2019 12:41

Celebrity Slam - Admission ambition attrition

Written by Allen Adams

Much of our time here at Celebrity Slam is spent on beef and love. Specifically, celebrity feuds (the more online, the better) and relationships (hooray portmanteaus!) – it’s our bread and butter.

But sometimes, we’re granted a gift. A wonderful, weird and utterly ridiculous gift.

It doesn’t happen as often as we’d like, but every once in a while, a celebrity will get involved in something so ludicrous, so outlandish that we have to pinch ourselves to be sure that we aren’t somehow dreaming this lunacy into existence. But today, we have pinched. We are aware and we are focused and what we have before us is something truly magical.

Felicity Huffman and Lori Loughlin – come on down!

In what has to be in the conversation for most entitled action ever covered in this space, Huffman and Loughlin were among some 50 or so rich folks caught up in an investigation into a nationwide college entrance cheating operation. The federal investigation – awesomely titled “Operation Varsity Blues” – is taking those involved into custody, including a number of NCAA Division I coaches and other college-affiliated figures.

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