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Tuesday, 22 October 2019 13:04

Weird National Briefs (10/23/2019)

Written by Allen Adams

Look before you leap

MENOMONIE, Wis. — A BASE jumper who jumped illegally from a northwestern Wisconsin cellphone tower ended up calling the police on himself after his parachute became caught on a guy wire, leaving him dangling perilously 50 feet (15 meters) from the ground.

Police say the 20-year-old man jumped from the 300-foot (90-meter) Charter Communications tower in Menomonie on Thursday morning.

After his rescue at around 9:30 a.m., the man was treated at Mayo Clinic Health System and arrested for criminal trespass.

BASE jumping stands for building, antenna, span and earth — the four common objects from which BASE jumpers launch their descent.

TME – He certainly can’t argue that the charges are BASEless.

Tuesday, 15 October 2019 20:16

Celebrity Slam - T-Swift's banned banner

Written by Allen Adams

We’ve had a whole lot of fun at Taylor Swift’s expense in this space over the years. It comes with the territory when you’re as ultra-famous as she is – people are going to take swings. For the most part, our jabs at T-Swift have been gentle one; mostly, we just like to tease her about her choices of boyfriend. Anyone remember Hiddleswift? Because that was a thing for five minutes a few years back.

Yeah – you forgot. But it happened.

This week, we’ll be gently teasing Taylor once again. But it has nothing to do with her relationships. This time, it’s all about … hockey?

*checks notes*

Yep. Hockey.

Tuesday, 15 October 2019 20:14

Weird National Briefs (10/16/2019)

Written by Allen Adams

Carried away

NEWRY - A Delaware couple is the winner of the North American Wife Carrying Championship held at the Sunday River Resort in Newry, Maine.

Olivia Rowling and Jerome Roehm of Team Lovebirds from Newark, Delaware, crossed the 278-yard muddy obstacle course Saturday in 55.95 seconds to win the 20th annual event.

Eighty-one teams from Maine to California were scheduled to participate.

Based on Finnish tradition, the event features male competitors completing the obstacle course while carrying a woman. The event is based on Finland’s “Ronkainen the Robber,” whose gang was known to pillage villages and take the women.

Team Lovebirds took home six cases of beer in addition to five times Rowling’s weight in cash, totaling $555.

Rowling and Roehm are eligible to participate in the world championship next year in Finland.

TME – Takes the adage “the old ball and chain” to a whole new level.

Tuesday, 08 October 2019 13:51

Celebrity Slam - ABG DQ

Written by Allen Adams

The title of this feature is “Celebrity Slam,” right? But here’s the thing: while the majority of the items included in this space involve people who are REALLY famous – movie stars and hip-hop moguls and top-tier athletes and what have you – we also have plenty of time for those celebrities who live their lives a few rungs farther down that particular ladder.

That’s where we find the reality TV grifters and the YouTubers and the faded child stars and the boy band castoffs – people who are definitely celebrities, but whose listing is a bit closer to the end of the alphabet than the beginning. And while you might not always know who these people are, if they make it into this space, you can rest assured that who they are matters a heck of a lot less than what they did.

So now we talk about the Angry Bagel Guy. Not sure who that is? That’s fine – you’re better off.

Tuesday, 08 October 2019 13:49

Weird National Briefs (10/09/2019)

Written by Allen Adams

Van itty bears

GATLINBURG, Tenn. - Two bear cubs were rescued after they locked themselves in a van and then honked the horn for help.

News reports say security technician Jeff Stokely had parked his van outside a customer’s home in Gatlinburg, Tennessee, and went to work. Soon he heard a horn honking and realized it was his van. He went back to the van and was surprised when he saw two small bear cubs locked inside and repeatedly hitting the horn.

Stokely says the cubs must have climbed in through the driver side door and then locked themselves by hitting the lock button.

Stokely took video and photos of the cubs before opening a door to let them out.

He says he didn’t see Mama Bear nearby.

TME – We loved this one – “The Berenstain Bears Learn to Drive.”

Tuesday, 01 October 2019 15:39

Celebrity Slam - 6ix9nine snitches

Written by Allen Adams

It’s no secret that we get a lot of mileage out of beefs here at Celebrity Slam. These sorts of celebrity feuds are great fun for us to explore, scorning and mocking the nonsense spouted from famous people of all stripes.

But sometimes, we get something that allows us to dig a little deeper. We get someone who is fully committed to being as big a jerk as possible. Whatever the reasons behind their behavior, there’s a lot of joy to be derived from them.

And every once in a while, we get a REALLY good one.

For those who are unaware, hip-hop artist Tekashi 6ix9ine (yes, that’s how he spells his name) has been dealing with the repercussions of his purported gang affiliations. His method of dealing with that has been essentially to name names, outing a number of fellow artists – including notables like Cardi B and Jim Jones – and spelling out their specific affiliations.

Tuesday, 01 October 2019 15:37

Weird National Briefs (10/02/2019)

Written by Allen Adams

Fishy felony

SANTA FE, N.M. - It’s a fishy mystery caught on camera.

KOB-TV reports authorities say fish worth thousands of dollars recently were stolen from a Santa Fe, New Mexico, business and the alleged theft was captured on video.

Owner Melissa D’Angelico says the thief hit the pond in front of Santa Fe Landscapes and Water Gardens and took 10 of her koi.

Koi fish are colorful, ornamental versions of the common carp and can grow up to three feet.

A video shows a man using a net to remove fish.

D’Angelico says a thief stole fish at different times over the past few months. She says the hijacked fish are worth more than $4,000.

No arrests have been made.

TME – The perfect koi-me? We’ll see ourselves out.

The majority of our time here at Celebrity Slam is spent making fun of famous people for saying and doing stupid things. Well – that and beefs and relationship portmanteaux, of course.

But every once in a while, an item comes along that reminds us of just how far afield things can go. Here’s the thing: while there are plenty of strange famous people out there, there are a handful who are outright weirdoes. People who would be weird under any circumstances but who have been rendered particularly odd by their career paths and such.

This brings us to Terrence Howard.

Tuesday, 24 September 2019 15:59

Weird National Briefs (09/25/2019)

Written by Allen Adams

Baby buggy burglary

BAKERSFIELD, Calif. - Authorities say a woman stole $6,000 worth of quarters and her getaway car was a baby stroller.

Bakersfield police officers noticed the woman Friday struggling to push the stroller but quickly realized there was no baby inside, according to the Bakersfield Californian.

Police discovered the quarters, which 29-year-old Darrin Fritz is alleged to have stolen from a home, the newspaper reported. Fritz allegedly tried to flee from the officers.

She was arrested on suspicion of burglary, possession of stolen property, possession of burglary tools, possession of methamphetamine, resisting arrest and two outstanding misdemeanor warrants.

A post on Twitter from the Bakersfield Police Department shows thousands of quarters in evidence bags.

It was not immediately clear if Fritz had an attorney who could speak on her behalf.

TME – Some things will never change.

Wednesday, 18 September 2019 08:34

Celebrity Slam - So long, Shane Gillis

Written by Allen Adams

There are weeks when this feature essentially writes itself. Something ridiculous is said or done by/happens to an incredibly famous person and we’re off to the races. Maybe there’s an incongruous and surprising Twitter beef. Maybe a celebrity couple makes it official. Whatever – it happens a lot.

But then there are the weeks – much more infrequent – where we’re left to decide whether or not we want to cover a particular story. For whatever reason, it isn’t necessarily an item that really demands that we cover it. It’s too complicated or too serious or too … something.

So we weren’t sure that we were going to weigh in on the whole Shane Gillis thing. But hey – nothing else presented itself, so we’re just going to go ahead and wade in. Wish us luck.

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