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Tuesday, 17 November 2020 16:49

Weird National Briefs (11/18/2020)

Written by Allen Adams

Cryptozoological caper

SCOTTS VALLEY, Calif. (AP) — Police officers in the mountains north of Santa Cruz responded to a suspicious figure in a roadway early Thursday and found Bigfoot.

“He was a little banged up but will be returned to his rightful place at the Bigfoot Discovery Museum,” the Scotts Valley Police Department said in a Facebook post.

The Santa Cruz County Sheriff’s Office had urged people to keep their eyes peeled for the 4-foot-tall (1.2 meters) wooden statue after it was stolen from outside the tiny museum in nearby Felton on Monday.

The museum dedicated to the mythical forest creature is outside Henry Cowell Redwoods State Park. It is temporarily closed due to COVID-19.

TME – If they found it, it can’t be Bigfoot.

Tuesday, 10 November 2020 12:14

Celebrity Slam - Don’t stop ‘til you film enough

Written by Allen Adams

There are far more celebrities out there than we could possibly ever Slam. We’re simply unable to keep up with just how many famous people are out there. YouTubers and TikTok stars and Soundcloud musicians, people with multiple millions of fans – there’s a real chance that we literally could not pick them out of a lineup.

(Please note that this is by no means a condemnation of these folks and their fame. No, it is a condemnation of us, for we are old and largely out of touch, despite our efforts.)

Now, the subject of this week’s Slam isn’t that level of famous – at least, we don’t think he is, but as we’ve established, there’s a lot we don’t know – but we thought it important that we establish the fact that we have no idea.

So Daeshard. He’s a musician whose name we would almost certainly have never come across (and aren’t 100% how to pronounce) unless we saw him on TMZ doing something that was just the right combination of brazen and stupid to warrant mention in this space. And since we don’t really know who he is, we obviously needed him to do something BIG. How big, you ask?

Allegedly breaking into Neverland Ranch to film an illicit music video big.

Tuesday, 10 November 2020 10:05

Weird National Briefs (11/11/2020)

Written by Allen Adams

A chicken in every geyser

YELLOWSTONE NATIONAL PARK, Wyo. (AP) — Cooking chickens in a Yellowstone hot spring landed three people in hot water.

A park ranger heard that a group with cooking pots were hiking toward the park’s Shoshone Geyser Basin. The ranger found two whole chickens in a burlap sack in a hot spring. A cooking pot was nearby, Yellowstone spokeswoman Linda Veress said.

“Make dinner,” said defendant Eric Roberts, of Idaho Falls, Idaho, when asked Thursday what the group was up to in the Yellowstone backcountry.

As for whose idea it was: “It was kind of a joint thing,” Roberts explained.

Roberts and Dallas Roberts, of West Valley City, Utah, were ordered to serve two days in jail and pay $540 in fines and fees for the Aug. 7, incident, according to court documents.

Eric Romriell, of Idaho Falls, paid $1,250 in fines and fees. All three are banned from Yellowstone while serving two years of unsupervised probation.

Dallas Roberts didn’t have a working listed number and Romriell didn’t immediately return a message Thursday at his ophthalmology clinic.

Getting too close to and messing around with Yellowstone’s hot springs are no-nos and can be dangerous but violations aren’t unusual.

A Dutch man was ordered to pay $3,000 for allegedly crashing a drone into the park’s famous Grand Prismatic Spring in 2014.

TME – What a bunch of clucking idiots.

Wednesday, 04 November 2020 12:24

Celebrity Slam - Aunt Becky heads to the big house

Written by Allen Adams

Some of our favorite Celebrity Slam stories from over the years are the ones that play out over an extended period of time. Sure, we like the quick-hit one-off items, but there’s something truly special about the ongoing scandals. They are truly the gifts that keep on giving.

We got a ton of mileage out of the Felicity Huffman/Lori Loughlin situation a few months back. We’re sure you remember, but let’s do a quick recap, just for funsies:

Basically, Loughlin and Huffman were among the snowplow parents that got busted in the ongoing (and still exceptionally-titled) Operation Varsity Blues, wherein a number of people – some famous, all rich – did various levels of criming in an effort to get their precious snowflake offspring into appropriately prestigious colleges. This involved everything from cheating on the SAT to Photoshopped images intended to make kids look like rowers or water polo-ers. Some spent thousands of dollars. Others spent far more; Loughlin and her husband went something like a half-mil deep.

Wednesday, 04 November 2020 11:56

Weird National Briefs (11/04/2020)

Written by Allen Adams

Lawn and order

BERLIN (AP) — A lawnmower robot’s electronic cries for help foiled a thief’s plan to make off with the grass-cutting automaton.

German police said Friday that a homeowner in the western town of Lippstadt was surprised on Tuesday evening with a smartphone message from the robot that it had flipped upside down.

When he went outside to the lawn to check on the device, he spotted a thief with the robot tucked under his arm.

Caught in the act, the thief dropped the robot and fled, according to police.

Officers searched the area but did not locate a suspect. Police are calling for any possible witnesses to come forward.

There was no word on whether the robot suffered damage in the incident.

TME – And not a peep out of the snowblower.

Wednesday, 28 October 2020 11:50

Celebrity Slam - Silento treatment

Written by Allen Adams

There are a lot of ways that famous people can get themselves some Celebrity Slam attention. We’re not picky – it’s not that hard to do or say something dumb enough to land in this space. For instance, Twitter beef – don’t we love us some Twitter beef. Or celebrity romance – beginning, ending, we don’t really care so long as we can make up a new portmanteau about it.

Another one of our favorites – something that will put you here just about 100% of the time – is pulling some variation of the “Don’t you know who I am?” card. Now, you don’t have to actually say those words exactly – DYKWIA is more of a state of mind. We might not be able to articulate it, but we know it when we see it.

This brings us to Silento.

Wednesday, 28 October 2020 11:49

Weird National Briefs (10/28/2020)

Written by Allen Adams

Twice-in-a-lifetime

DEARBORN HEIGHTS, Mich. (AP) — In what most people would consider a lucrative mistake, a Detroit-area man who accidentally bought an extra lottery ticket has won two $1 million jackpots.

Samir Mazahem, 56, of Dearborn Heights said he was saving numbers on a lottery app after buying a $2 ticket for the June 9 Mega Millions game. He then realized that he had purchased a second ticket with the same numbers.

“I was a little bummed but didn’t think much about it,” Mazahem said.

Until he recently logged onto the app and found he had two $1 million winners.

“I couldn’t believe it was real,” Mazahem said. “It took several days for the reality to set in that my mistake had paid off to the tune of $2 million!”

He recently claimed his prize and plans to buy a new house and save the rest.

TME – Sometimes, you just have to double down.

Wednesday, 21 October 2020 10:32

Celebrity Slam - Space Cruise

Written by Allen Adams

Look, we’re not perfect here at Celebrity Slam. There’s a LOT of nonsense out there and sometimes something will get by us. We occasionally will get it into our head that a specific story is THE story for a particular week and then that’s that. Plus, we were bi-weekly there for a stretch, so it only stands to reason that an item could potentially slip through the cracks.

All this is a long-winded way of explaining why we’re going back a bit for this week’s item. Ordinarily, we wouldn’t worry about it, but things have been relatively quiet over the past few days and we are delighted by this story. Frankly, we’re a little disappointed in ourselves that we let it escape our notice.

So yeah – Tom Cruise is going to space.

Wednesday, 21 October 2020 10:30

Weird National Briefs (10/21/2020)

Written by Allen Adams

Scooter shenanigans

COPENHAGEN, Denmark (AP) — Police in Oslo have seized a tuned, privately-owned electric scooter with a top speed of 58 kilometers per hour (36 mph), which is nearly three times the speed limit for it.

The electric scooter was seized during a control program Monday in downtown Oslo in a joint operation with the Norwegian Public Roads Administration during which two electric scooters were stopped on suspicion of illegal speeding.

The owners face prosecution, police said, but didn’t say what kind of punishment they could face.

Electric scooters can have a maximum top speed of of 20 kilometers per hour (12.4 mph), Oslo police said.

Rental e-scooters are a common sight in European cities and are often strewn across sidewalks. Some people riding them have ended up in emergency rooms with serious injuries and there have been reports of fatal accidents.

TME – That’s Norway too fast!

Wednesday, 14 October 2020 11:48

Celebrity Slam - Pokémon Logic

Written by Allen Adams

We here at Celebrity Slam try to be selective in the manner in which we cast judgment and/or aspersions on the rich and famous out there. That is to say, sure, we’re judgmental – it’s one of the primary functions of the gig – but we do our best to be judgmental in ways that are fun and silly and not hurtful.

It doesn’t always fall out that way – we do make mistakes – but since we tend to stick to real wacky nonsense and celebrity couple portmanteaux, those mistakes are relative rarities. But sometimes, we find ourselves in a position where we know that we shouldn’t judge, yet we do – and then we go ahead and write about it.

This brings us to Logic.

The rapper – who apparently retired in July following the release of his latest (and apparently last) album “No Pressure” – had a good deal of professional success during his decade or so in the spotlight. He released a handful of influential mixtapes early in his career before going on to become a multimillion-selling artist with Def Jam, releasing six studio albums, charting multiple times and embarking on a number of tours. He even wrote a book that landed on the NYT Best Seller list.

He also apparently digs Pokémon cards. Like, A LOT.

So much so, in fact, that he recently dropped roughly a quarter-million dollars to get his hands on one specific card. The card in question – a super-rare first edition Charizard – is apparently an incredibly high demand item in collecting circles. Said circles have grown exponentially in recent years, with the cards skyrocketing in value in that time.

The auction price was officially $183,812, but with the auction site’s 20% buyer’s premium, that puts the total cost to Logic at right around $226,000.

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