Wednesday, 18 September 2019 08:32

Weird National Briefs (09/18/2019)

Written by Allen Adams

Flightless flight

FRESNO, Calif. - California authorities have captured an emu after the flightless fugitive led officers down a highway.

The Fresno Bee reported Friday that the bird was apprehended following a brief pursuit by California Highway Patrol officers.

Authorities say officers responded to a report that an ostrich was wandering along the right-hand shoulder of U.S. Highway 99 northwest of Fresno.

Authorities say Madera County Animal Services took the bird into custody uninjured.

Officers say they do not know whether the emu escaped a nearby farm or a moving vehicle.

Animal experts say the flightless native Australian birds can sprint at up to 30 mph (48 kph) and trot quickly for longer distances.

Emus are the second-largest birds in the world behind the ostrich.

TME – What an emu-sing story.

Tuesday, 10 September 2019 17:15

Weird National Briefs (09/11/2019)

Written by Allen Adams

Wheels up

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. - A mobile speed limit monitoring trailer in Albuquerque can still monitor speeding motorists but can’t be moved because thieves recently stole its tires.

KOB-TV reports that police said Thursday that the wheels of the speed trailer were stolen and the device is now stationary after it was put on metal pegs.

Police say the speed monitor still shows drivers how fast they are going and tracks the data.

Authorities say the trailer will be repaired.

No arrests have been made.

TME – This feels like an early-draft verse from Alanis Morrissette’s “Ironic.”

Tuesday, 10 September 2019 17:14

Celebrity Slam - Fly the unfriendly skies

Written by Allen Adams

Anyone that spends any time with us in this space knows how much we love it when famous folks misbehave. It’s our whole raison d’etre, you know? Of course, there are different sorts of celebrity shenanigans, an assortment of subgenres that each have their own appeal.

For instance, there’s Twitter beef, which is itself a subcategory of regular beef – you know we love famous feuds here at Celebrity Slam. Or “Don’t you know who I am?” outbursts – those are really great, particularly when you deal with that particular brand that involves someone no longer famous enough to credibly ask that question in a vacuum.

This week, we’re going to discuss another beloved subgenre – celebrities misbehaving in airports. But while we usually take great delight in this actor or that musician doing something stupid while waiting for or on-board a plane (usually involving booze and/or inappropriate urination), this week’s item is going to focus on someone who may well have been unfairly maligned (THIS time).

It involves Bobby Brown drunk on a plane, but the payoff isn’t nearly what you’d think.

Wednesday, 04 September 2019 10:57

Celebrity Slam - Fetty whoop ass

Written by Allen Adams

We’re going to be up front with you right from the get-go – this isn’t necessarily a banner week for Celebrity Slam. For whatever reason, this cycle has been pretty light on the sorts of things that we tend to really dig into in this space. Even the VMAs – usually such a reliable source for Slammable stories – failed to deliver this year.

We understand that you have high standards with regards to the idiocy that we cover here, but the truth is that it was slim pickings. You come to us in search of precious gems.

What you get – at least this week – is Fetty Wap punching some dudes in Vegas.

Wednesday, 04 September 2019 10:56

Weird National Briefs (09/04/2019)

Written by Allen Adams

Bigfoot bridge

BRADFORD, Vt. - An anonymous flyer denying that Bigfoot is behind the prolonged closure of a bridge in a Vermont town has got locals talking about the mythical forest creatures.

The flyer first spotted at the Bradford post office said the prolonged closure of the Creamery Bridge over the Waits River was not due to the “displacement of or intrusion on a ‘Sasquatch’ or Bigfoot, either a single creature or several.”

Last week Dartmouth College Professor Alexander Chee posted a photo of the flyer to Twitter . Since then, copies have been popping up across town.

Local resident Claudia Johnson tells MyNBC5 she thinks there’s a local Bigfoot because she’s heard unexplained rustling behind her home.

State transportation officials say the bridge is scheduled to be fixed in October.

TME – Open your eyes, people – it’s obviously a Yeti.

Tuesday, 27 August 2019 15:41

Celebrity Slam - Pete Davidson yells at cloud

Written by Allen Adams

We’ve been known to occasionally get a little crotchety here at Celebrity Slam. We’ve been at this for some time now and the world is constantly changing and evolving. What mattered yesterday is forgotten today and nostalgically embraced tomorrow. Do we like change? Not really. But we begrudgingly accept it.

That said, we’re still susceptible to an “old man yells at cloud” moment every now and then. However, when we have them, we tend not to do so in a public forum.

Pete Davidson, on the other hand …

Wednesday, 21 August 2019 09:27

Celebrity Slam - Homewrecking ball

Written by Allen Adams

Our love for celebrity romances knows no bounds here at Celebrity Slam. Anyone who reads this space with any kind of regularity is aware that we derive great joy from the creation of famous couple portmanteaus. We love them so much, in fact, that we often find ourselves unable to address the endings of those relationships. Really, we’re just big softies. Romantics at heart.

But here’s the thing: we’re only human. And sometimes, one of these breakups blows up in such a spectacular fashion that we would not be doing our due diligence if we didn’t at least kick the tires.

And so we arrive at the ongoing breakup saga of Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth.

Wednesday, 21 August 2019 09:26

Weird National Briefs (08/21/2019)

Written by Allen Adams

Cop drama

HICKSVILLE, N.Y. - Police in the New York City suburbs say they’ve arrested a fake cop who tried to pull over real detectives.

Nassau County police say Valiery Portlock sounded a horn and flashed emergency lights Friday morning as he an attempt to pull over a van in Hicksville, Long Island.

The unmarked van turned out to be occupied by detectives from the department’s electronics squad.

Police say that once the detectives identified themselves and approached his vehicle, the 25-year-old Portlock swerved his Nissan Sentra into oncoming traffic and sped to the Long Island Expressway.

Police say highway patrol officers eventually pulled Portlock over and arrested him without incident.

He is in custody pending arraignment Saturday on charges including criminal impersonation and reckless endangerment. Court records do not list a lawyer who could comment on his behalf.

TME – He don’t need no stinking badges.

Tuesday, 13 August 2019 14:58

Celebrity Slam - Kid Rock in a hard place

Written by Allen Adams

One of the things we love most about working in this space every week is that you never really know what’s going to happen. The sorts of celebrities we tend to deal with are mercurial by their very nature, meaning that we can never be certain of just how things are going to play out. There are plenty of unexpected romantic pairings and LOADS of unexpected beef.

We’ll be dealing with the latter this week, though if you spent any amount of time online this weekend, you likely already know where we’re going with this – we’ve got beef between Kid Rock and Taylor Swift.

You read that right.

Tuesday, 13 August 2019 14:56

Weird National Briefs (08/14/2019)

Written by Allen Adams

Ursine of the times

DENVER - A black bear broke into a Colorado house over the weekend and left by breaking through a wall “like the Kool-Aid Man.”

Estes Park police say the break-in occurred Friday night and that the animal was likely attracted to trash.

A Facebook post by the police department said: “Upon officer’s arrival, said bear forcibly breached a hole in the wall like the `Kool-Aid Man’ and made its escape.”

The Denver Post reports no one was injured.

Colorado Parks and Wildlife said bears entered over 35 vehicles and nine residences in the Estes Park area in the 10 days before Aug. 3. Residents were encouraged to close and lock all doors and windows to homes and vehicles.

TME – And for the love of God, hide your picnic baskets.

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