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Tuesday, 12 January 2021 18:45

Weird National Briefs (01/13/2021)

Written by Allen Adams

Lost llama

NEWBURYPORT, Mass. (AP) — A passerby spotted a wandering llama in a field off an interstate in Massachusetts and with the help of an animal control officer, brought it to a farm for safekeeping.

Patrick Boddy was driving in Newburyport when he spotted the male gray-and-white llama, stopped his truck and approached it on Monday, the Boston Globe reported.

The llama acted “very chill,” as he walked up to him, Boddy told the newspaper.

“I had my arm around the thing, kind of calming him down. It was just really gentle and friendly. I knew it must’ve been some kind of pet or something,” said Boddy.

Eventually, Kayla Provencher, the animal control officer for Newburyport and West Newbury, was alerted and joined Boddy in the field with the llama. They called around to local farms to see if any were missing a llama, the newspaper reported.

Provencher does not have any leads on the wandering llama’s owner, even after posting photos of him on the animal control’s Facebook page.

For now, the llama is being housed just across the state line in New Hampshire with farm owner Carly LeSage. She owns other livestock but has never had a llama, the newspaper reported.

“I did a night check with him last night and had a glass of wine with him,” LeSage told the newspaper. “I’m kind of a little attached to him at this point.”

If no owner comes forward, LeSage told the newspaper she’s considering keeping the llama herself.

TME – When life gives you llamas, you hang out and get drunk with them.

Wednesday, 30 December 2020 11:38

Celebrity Slam - Free at last!

Written by Allen Adams

One of the most on-brand stories we’ve ever had in this space was the ongoing college admissions scandal in which rich folks coughed up thousands of dollars in an effort to ensure that their progeny were able to attend the institution of higher learning of their choice.

Among the people caught up in the wide net cast by the investigation into the scheme were actors Felicity Huffman and Lori Loughlin. Both women wound up eventually facing the music and receiving their punishment – including jail time.

Well, we’ve reached what is probably the end of the whole sordid affair – at least as far as Celebrity Slam is concerned – now that Loughlin has been released from prison.

Wednesday, 30 December 2020 11:36

Weird National Briefs (12/30/2020)

Written by Allen Adams

Speed the plow

BAY SHORE, N.Y. (AP) — A Long Island man has been arrested after a Christmas morning crime spree that gave new meaning to the term doorbuster.

It happened shortly before 2 a.m., Suffolk County police said, when Justin Shuffle stole a 2010 Bobcat skid loader, which is used to push snow, from a Bay Shore shopping center. He then crashed the mini-snow plow through the front doors of a nearby Target.

Once inside, authorities said, Shuffle swiped a coat and several gift cards before police caught him in the electronics section of the big-box retailer.

No one was injured, but the front doors of the store “suffered extensive damages,” police said in a news release.

Shuffle, 33, of Deer Park, pleaded not guilty Friday to third-degree burglary and fourth-degree larceny. It was not immediately clear whether he had a defense attorney.

TME – When last-minute shopping goes bad.

Wednesday, 23 December 2020 12:20

Celebrity Slam - Cruise (out of) control

Written by Allen Adams

One of the many intricacies of the Celebrity Slam mechanism is our formula for determining what items wind up receiving the spotlight in this space. We won’t go into details – it’s complicated (and proprietary) – but the gist is this: the more famous the person, the less egregious the offense needs to be. And, obviously, vice versa.

Basically, this means that megafamous folks don’t have to step in it too deeply to make the Slam, but the more fringy celebrities really have to do something bad and/or nutso to make the cut. There’s a lot of math involved, algorithms and whatnot, but that’s the basic deal.

But every once in a while, you get a megafamous person doing something megacrazy and, well … suffice it to say, that’s a good week for Celebrity Slam. And thanks to Tom Cruise – king of the megafamous/megacrazy combo – it’s a VERY good week.

Wednesday, 23 December 2020 12:19

Weird National Briefs (12/23/2020)

Written by Allen Adams

Reproducing rodents

PORTLAND, Ore. (AP) — The Oregon Humane Society in Portland has taken in 250 guinea pigs from an overwhelmed pet owner.

It’s not known exactly how the unidentified person in Lane County became inundated with the furry little rodents, Oregon Public Broadcasting reported. But experts say it can be difficult to determine a guinea pig’s gender — and they’re best kept in pairs — because they keep each other company.

Oregon Humane Society spokeswoman, Laura Klink, said an adoption timeline will be determined in the next several days. “We certainly would love to see some of these guys go home in pairs, whether it’s two males or females. But obviously, we’re going to be giving a lot of counseling on how quickly they can reproduce if you’ve got a male and a female together,” said Klink.

The Oregon Humane Society’s Cat and Kitten Intake Center has been closed because of the coronavirus pandemic, so it could accommodate all of the guinea pigs. Because there are so many, the society is also working with the Greenhill Humane Society and Lane County Animal Services in Eugene.

There will be a special process for people hoping to adopt the guinea pigs and officials said its small-animal specialists will work with potential adopters to ensure a good fit.

TME – It’s like a math lesson AND sex ed.

Wednesday, 16 December 2020 13:36

Celebrity Slam - Snaking care of business

Written by Allen Adams

We strive to be equal opportunity trash-talkers here at Celebrity Slam. Our goal is to treat every famous person – and every foible – with the same level of scorn and derision. Of course, some items are more worthy of our attentions than others, but we do our best to keep things fair.

That said, it’s not like we can avoid having our favorites – we’re only human after all. And there are certain behaviors that we particularly enjoy mocking. It’s all fair game, obviously, but there are some things that hit us just right.

We love a good celebrity portmanteau, of course. We are always here for a “Don’t you know who I am?” or any of its infinite permutations. And there’s something lovely about a rich and famous person getting called out for not paying what they owe.

This week’s story – involving NBA player Dwight Howard – falls into that last category.

A suit was recently filed against Howard by two women claiming that he failed to pay them for services provided. Services that included – but were not limited to – caring for his collection of exotic snakes.

Yeah.

Wednesday, 16 December 2020 13:35

Weird National Briefs (12/16/2020)

Written by Allen Adams

Mural imperative

LONDON (AP) — Banksy’s latest mural has delayed a homeowner’s plans to sell in England after it recently appeared on the house’s exterior wall.

The elusive British street artist’s piece — titled “Aachoo!!” — depicts an elderly woman sneezing, sending her dentures flying out of her mouth. It’s painted on the side of the house on a steep street in the southwestern city of Bristol. The resulting effect is that her sneeze appears to be knocking down buildings.

The creation was discovered on the wall of the semidetached house on Thursday. British media reported that the owners, who had previously put a “sold” sign outside, were pulling out of the sale, because Banksy’s art could send the property’s value soaring.

However, Nick Makin told the BBC on Saturday that it wasn’t true his mother, Aileen Makin, had taken the house off the market.

“It does increase the value, and you have to take a moment to think about it, but it’s not changing anything in terms of the house sale for us,” Makin said.

He said the sale has been put on hold for 48 hours and the family was trying to ensure the artwork would be protected.

Banksy has posted the piece on his website and Instagram page and his publicist confirmed he created the artwork. He began his career spray-painting buildings in Bristol and has become one of the world’s best-known artists. Some of his art sells in the millions.

TME – Banksy, if you’re listening – my house could use a fresh coat.

Wednesday, 09 December 2020 12:37

Celebrity Slam - Sweet smell of success

Written by Allen Adams

Celebrities are all about that paper.

Now, we’re sure that there are some famous folks out there who genuinely don’t care about money. Granted, that’s probably because they’ve already got a lot of it, but still – not every celeb is about maximizing profit.

That said – a LOT of them are.

One such celebrity is Drake, who has long shown himself to be someone willing to do pretty much whatever so long as the price is right and the check clears. He catches a lot of flak about it, but at the very least, he’s up front about it.

But even an unabashed sellout like Aubrey Graham can go too far.

Wednesday, 09 December 2020 12:35

Weird National Briefs (12/09/2020)

Written by Allen Adams

Life imitates art

BOSTON (AP) — Just like a real-life movie, the story of Buddy the Elf meeting his biological father has come to life, just in time for the holidays.

Doug Henning wore a costume like the one actor Will Ferrell’s character wore in “Elf” while meeting his father face to face for the first time last week at Boston’s Logan Airport. He even broke into the same awkward song from the 2003 movie — sample lyrics: “I’m here, with my dad. And we never met, and he wants me to sing him a song!”

“When he came out of the airport, he probably thought I was a lunatic,” Henning, 43, of Eliot, Maine, told Boston.com. “It was a really good way to break the ice.”

His biological father didn’t get the joke because he hadn’t seen the movie, which is about a man raised at the North Pole who meets his dad for the first time. But that didn’t stop him from giving his son a big hug.

Henning said he was raised by “amazing” adoptive parents but he was excited when cousins he met through ancestry.com helped to put him in touch with his biological father. Just like the movie, the father didn’t know about his son.

The two met on Zoom and Henning’s dad was able to fly to Boston for Thanksgiving.

Henning said he was inspired to dress as the character from “Elf” after watching the movie before the meetup. Henning said his father gained a son and became a grandfather. Henning is the first of the father’s children to become a parent.

TME - *Insert ‘Elf on the Shelf’ joke here*

Tuesday, 01 December 2020 14:22

Celebrity Slam - Ebb and Flowbee

Written by Allen Adams

Celebrities – they’re just like us!

Now, we all know that that statement simply isn’t true. Celebrities are, for the most part, nothing like us. They live in insulated bubbles that are specifically curated to not allow for any pushback against their weird or unpleasant behaviors. Most are driven by outsized egos and entitlement, and while there are plenty of regular folks out there motivated by the same forces, they don’t have armies of paid enablers whose sole job is to allow them to continue down the primrose path of complete and utter self-involvement.

Of course, we occasionally get celebs who go out of their way to try and prove that they’re regular people. Usually, this comes off as pandering and/or condescending, an effort for the famous figure in question to lower themselves to the level of the great unwashed.

Sometimes, though, one of them says something so ridiculous on its face that you actually find yourself considering the possibility that they’ve said something true.

This brings us to George Clooney.

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