Tuesday, 05 November 2019 11:51

Weird National Briefs (11/06/2019)

Written by Allen Adams

CO swinging

BERLIN — Authorities say a swingers’ club in western Germany had to be evacuated mid-party after a carbon monoxide alarm went off and several guests reported feeling unwell.

Tuesday, 29 October 2019 10:17

Celebrity Slam - Wasted Winchester

Written by Allen Adams

Few things make us happier here at Celebrity Slam than a famous person really going for the full big-time experience. They don’t HAVE to say the exact words “Don’t you know who I am?” for us to love it … but it doesn’t hurt.

Our latest entry in this long (LONG) history of celebrity jackholes is Jared Padelecki, one of the stars of the inexplicably long-running CW show “Supernatural” – seriously, this show is so old that it debuted on the WB. But we’re not here to argue the relative merits of Padalecki playing demon-hunting heartthrob Sam Winchester for 14 seasons.

No, we’re here to talk about him getting wasted and fighting folks and, yes, getting up to a little big-timing.

Tuesday, 29 October 2019 10:15

Weird National Briefs (10/30/2019)

Written by Allen Adams

Mallard on the move

GARDINER — It looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and — if it gets a prosthetic leg — will once again walk like a duck.

Loni Hamner, of Gardiner, recently adopted a female Mallard duck that was left with one leg and a stump after being attacked by a fox last year. Hamner says the duck she’s named Faith can hop and hobble around, but she wants her “to have a good, duck quality of life and do all the things ducks like to do.”

The Bangor Daily News reports that a query on the Maine Poultry Connection Facebook page led Hamner to the University of Maine Advanced Structure and Composites Center.

Lab manager Paul Bussiere says he’ll create a prosthetic leg for Faith for free in his spare time.

TME – Just a little extra wiggle in her waddle.

Tuesday, 22 October 2019 13:06

Celebrity Slam - J-Lawfully wedded wife

Written by Allen Adams

Obviously, our mission here at Celebrity Slam is to hold forth about our favorite famous folks, hitting them with all the derision and mockery that we can come up with. It’s why this feature exists, and it’s a job we take very seriously.

However, regular readers of this space know that we aren’t ALWAYS making fun of famous people. Sometimes, we go out of our way to celebrate their love – y’all know we love us some celebrity couple portmanteaux.

And sometimes, well … sometimes we get the rare privilege of doing both.

Tuesday, 22 October 2019 13:04

Weird National Briefs (10/23/2019)

Written by Allen Adams

Look before you leap

MENOMONIE, Wis. — A BASE jumper who jumped illegally from a northwestern Wisconsin cellphone tower ended up calling the police on himself after his parachute became caught on a guy wire, leaving him dangling perilously 50 feet (15 meters) from the ground.

Police say the 20-year-old man jumped from the 300-foot (90-meter) Charter Communications tower in Menomonie on Thursday morning.

After his rescue at around 9:30 a.m., the man was treated at Mayo Clinic Health System and arrested for criminal trespass.

BASE jumping stands for building, antenna, span and earth — the four common objects from which BASE jumpers launch their descent.

TME – He certainly can’t argue that the charges are BASEless.

Tuesday, 15 October 2019 20:16

Celebrity Slam - T-Swift's banned banner

Written by Allen Adams

We’ve had a whole lot of fun at Taylor Swift’s expense in this space over the years. It comes with the territory when you’re as ultra-famous as she is – people are going to take swings. For the most part, our jabs at T-Swift have been gentle one; mostly, we just like to tease her about her choices of boyfriend. Anyone remember Hiddleswift? Because that was a thing for five minutes a few years back.

Yeah – you forgot. But it happened.

This week, we’ll be gently teasing Taylor once again. But it has nothing to do with her relationships. This time, it’s all about … hockey?

*checks notes*

Yep. Hockey.

Tuesday, 15 October 2019 20:14

Weird National Briefs (10/16/2019)

Written by Allen Adams

Carried away

NEWRY - A Delaware couple is the winner of the North American Wife Carrying Championship held at the Sunday River Resort in Newry, Maine.

Olivia Rowling and Jerome Roehm of Team Lovebirds from Newark, Delaware, crossed the 278-yard muddy obstacle course Saturday in 55.95 seconds to win the 20th annual event.

Eighty-one teams from Maine to California were scheduled to participate.

Based on Finnish tradition, the event features male competitors completing the obstacle course while carrying a woman. The event is based on Finland’s “Ronkainen the Robber,” whose gang was known to pillage villages and take the women.

Team Lovebirds took home six cases of beer in addition to five times Rowling’s weight in cash, totaling $555.

Rowling and Roehm are eligible to participate in the world championship next year in Finland.

TME – Takes the adage “the old ball and chain” to a whole new level.

Tuesday, 08 October 2019 13:51

Celebrity Slam - ABG DQ

Written by Allen Adams

The title of this feature is “Celebrity Slam,” right? But here’s the thing: while the majority of the items included in this space involve people who are REALLY famous – movie stars and hip-hop moguls and top-tier athletes and what have you – we also have plenty of time for those celebrities who live their lives a few rungs farther down that particular ladder.

That’s where we find the reality TV grifters and the YouTubers and the faded child stars and the boy band castoffs – people who are definitely celebrities, but whose listing is a bit closer to the end of the alphabet than the beginning. And while you might not always know who these people are, if they make it into this space, you can rest assured that who they are matters a heck of a lot less than what they did.

So now we talk about the Angry Bagel Guy. Not sure who that is? That’s fine – you’re better off.

Tuesday, 08 October 2019 13:49

Weird National Briefs (10/09/2019)

Written by Allen Adams

Van itty bears

GATLINBURG, Tenn. - Two bear cubs were rescued after they locked themselves in a van and then honked the horn for help.

News reports say security technician Jeff Stokely had parked his van outside a customer’s home in Gatlinburg, Tennessee, and went to work. Soon he heard a horn honking and realized it was his van. He went back to the van and was surprised when he saw two small bear cubs locked inside and repeatedly hitting the horn.

Stokely says the cubs must have climbed in through the driver side door and then locked themselves by hitting the lock button.

Stokely took video and photos of the cubs before opening a door to let them out.

He says he didn’t see Mama Bear nearby.

TME – We loved this one – “The Berenstain Bears Learn to Drive.”

Tuesday, 01 October 2019 15:39

Celebrity Slam - 6ix9nine snitches

Written by Allen Adams

It’s no secret that we get a lot of mileage out of beefs here at Celebrity Slam. These sorts of celebrity feuds are great fun for us to explore, scorning and mocking the nonsense spouted from famous people of all stripes.

But sometimes, we get something that allows us to dig a little deeper. We get someone who is fully committed to being as big a jerk as possible. Whatever the reasons behind their behavior, there’s a lot of joy to be derived from them.

And every once in a while, we get a REALLY good one.

For those who are unaware, hip-hop artist Tekashi 6ix9ine (yes, that’s how he spells his name) has been dealing with the repercussions of his purported gang affiliations. His method of dealing with that has been essentially to name names, outing a number of fellow artists – including notables like Cardi B and Jim Jones – and spelling out their specific affiliations.

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