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Wednesday, 25 November 2020 12:57

Celebrity Slam - Rising to the occasion

Written by Allen Adams

Our favorite stories here at Celebrity Slam are the ones where it’s easy to have fun. Some items require a degree of delicacy when we address them, simply because while we certainly take pleasure in the scorn and mockery of famous folks, we also don’t want to cross any lines. We’re all for hurting your pride, but we don’t necessarily want to hurt your feelings.

That’s why we love it when a story like this next one pops up. It is ridiculous and easy to laugh at, but the target is someone who not only wouldn’t be hurt, they flat-out wouldn’t care. This one isn’t for them – it’s for us.

Let’s talk about Spike Lee’s next project, shall we?

Spike is one of the greatest filmmakers of his generation, one of the best that America has ever produced. If there’s a pantheon of American directors, he’s in it; if there’s a Rushmore, he’s on it. He’s finally gotten his Oscar, though his body of work remains woefully underrepresented in the glitzy Hollywood awards realm (he’s probably got a shot for this year’s “Da 5 Bloods,” so we’ll see).

Again – iconic. So you’d imagine that his next project would be something pretty impressive, to follow the one-two 2020 punch of “Da 5 Bloods” and “American Utopia,” the movie version of David Byrne’s stage show of the same name that Lee directed and that just might be one of the five best concert films ever made.

Or, you know – a musical about Viagra. Yes, we’re serious.

Wednesday, 25 November 2020 12:55

Weird National Briefs (11/25/2020)

Written by Allen Adams

Owl be there

SAUGERTIES, N.Y. (AP) — A tiny owl that was found dehydrated and hungry in the branches of the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree is eating its way back to good health and is set to be released back into the wild Saturday.

The adult male Saw-whet owl was dubbed Rockefeller after it was discovered Monday by a worker setting up the towering holiday tree in Manhattan. The Norway spruce was cut down 170 miles (275 kilometers) northwest in upstate New York and brought to Manhattan on Saturday.

The bird was taken to the Ravensbeard Wildlife Center in the Hudson Valley, where it is dining on mice in preparation for a return to the wild, tentatively before dusk Saturday.

“I just want to make sure he’s well-fed before he goes,” Director Ellen Kalish told the Daily Freeman on Thursday. “He was a little on the thin side when he came in. He probably hadn’t eaten in a number of days. So I just want to make sure that he’s at his best weight and health, and then he goes.”

Kalish said the owl is in “great condition” with no bone fractures apparent after an X-ray. She plans to release the owl from the center’s location in Saugerties, New York.

TME – Thus completing the owl version of Rumspringa.

Tuesday, 17 November 2020 16:51

Celebrity Slam - A Celebrity Slampler

Written by Allen Adams

Obviously, our main goal each week here at Celebrity Slam is to find a famous person’s misdeeds and expounding upon their idiocy for 700ish words. It’s the formula on which we’ve settled and it seems to be working out quite well for all involved.

However, every once in a while, there’s a week where we don’t have that singular event, but rather a handful of smaller happenings that don’t warrant the full CS treatment on an individual level. When that happens, we try to do a grab bag of quick hits. As you might have guessed, this is one of those week – we’re looking at a “don’t you know who I am?” story, a mystery pooper and the end of a celebrity couple.

Enjoy!

Tuesday, 17 November 2020 16:49

Weird National Briefs (11/18/2020)

Written by Allen Adams

Cryptozoological caper

SCOTTS VALLEY, Calif. (AP) — Police officers in the mountains north of Santa Cruz responded to a suspicious figure in a roadway early Thursday and found Bigfoot.

“He was a little banged up but will be returned to his rightful place at the Bigfoot Discovery Museum,” the Scotts Valley Police Department said in a Facebook post.

The Santa Cruz County Sheriff’s Office had urged people to keep their eyes peeled for the 4-foot-tall (1.2 meters) wooden statue after it was stolen from outside the tiny museum in nearby Felton on Monday.

The museum dedicated to the mythical forest creature is outside Henry Cowell Redwoods State Park. It is temporarily closed due to COVID-19.

TME – If they found it, it can’t be Bigfoot.

Tuesday, 10 November 2020 12:14

Celebrity Slam - Don’t stop ‘til you film enough

Written by Allen Adams

There are far more celebrities out there than we could possibly ever Slam. We’re simply unable to keep up with just how many famous people are out there. YouTubers and TikTok stars and Soundcloud musicians, people with multiple millions of fans – there’s a real chance that we literally could not pick them out of a lineup.

(Please note that this is by no means a condemnation of these folks and their fame. No, it is a condemnation of us, for we are old and largely out of touch, despite our efforts.)

Now, the subject of this week’s Slam isn’t that level of famous – at least, we don’t think he is, but as we’ve established, there’s a lot we don’t know – but we thought it important that we establish the fact that we have no idea.

So Daeshard. He’s a musician whose name we would almost certainly have never come across (and aren’t 100% how to pronounce) unless we saw him on TMZ doing something that was just the right combination of brazen and stupid to warrant mention in this space. And since we don’t really know who he is, we obviously needed him to do something BIG. How big, you ask?

Allegedly breaking into Neverland Ranch to film an illicit music video big.

Tuesday, 10 November 2020 10:05

Weird National Briefs (11/11/2020)

Written by Allen Adams

A chicken in every geyser

YELLOWSTONE NATIONAL PARK, Wyo. (AP) — Cooking chickens in a Yellowstone hot spring landed three people in hot water.

A park ranger heard that a group with cooking pots were hiking toward the park’s Shoshone Geyser Basin. The ranger found two whole chickens in a burlap sack in a hot spring. A cooking pot was nearby, Yellowstone spokeswoman Linda Veress said.

“Make dinner,” said defendant Eric Roberts, of Idaho Falls, Idaho, when asked Thursday what the group was up to in the Yellowstone backcountry.

As for whose idea it was: “It was kind of a joint thing,” Roberts explained.

Roberts and Dallas Roberts, of West Valley City, Utah, were ordered to serve two days in jail and pay $540 in fines and fees for the Aug. 7, incident, according to court documents.

Eric Romriell, of Idaho Falls, paid $1,250 in fines and fees. All three are banned from Yellowstone while serving two years of unsupervised probation.

Dallas Roberts didn’t have a working listed number and Romriell didn’t immediately return a message Thursday at his ophthalmology clinic.

Getting too close to and messing around with Yellowstone’s hot springs are no-nos and can be dangerous but violations aren’t unusual.

A Dutch man was ordered to pay $3,000 for allegedly crashing a drone into the park’s famous Grand Prismatic Spring in 2014.

TME – What a bunch of clucking idiots.

Wednesday, 04 November 2020 12:24

Celebrity Slam - Aunt Becky heads to the big house

Written by Allen Adams

Some of our favorite Celebrity Slam stories from over the years are the ones that play out over an extended period of time. Sure, we like the quick-hit one-off items, but there’s something truly special about the ongoing scandals. They are truly the gifts that keep on giving.

We got a ton of mileage out of the Felicity Huffman/Lori Loughlin situation a few months back. We’re sure you remember, but let’s do a quick recap, just for funsies:

Basically, Loughlin and Huffman were among the snowplow parents that got busted in the ongoing (and still exceptionally-titled) Operation Varsity Blues, wherein a number of people – some famous, all rich – did various levels of criming in an effort to get their precious snowflake offspring into appropriately prestigious colleges. This involved everything from cheating on the SAT to Photoshopped images intended to make kids look like rowers or water polo-ers. Some spent thousands of dollars. Others spent far more; Loughlin and her husband went something like a half-mil deep.

Wednesday, 04 November 2020 11:56

Weird National Briefs (11/04/2020)

Written by Allen Adams

Lawn and order

BERLIN (AP) — A lawnmower robot’s electronic cries for help foiled a thief’s plan to make off with the grass-cutting automaton.

German police said Friday that a homeowner in the western town of Lippstadt was surprised on Tuesday evening with a smartphone message from the robot that it had flipped upside down.

When he went outside to the lawn to check on the device, he spotted a thief with the robot tucked under his arm.

Caught in the act, the thief dropped the robot and fled, according to police.

Officers searched the area but did not locate a suspect. Police are calling for any possible witnesses to come forward.

There was no word on whether the robot suffered damage in the incident.

TME – And not a peep out of the snowblower.

Wednesday, 28 October 2020 11:50

Celebrity Slam - Silento treatment

Written by Allen Adams

There are a lot of ways that famous people can get themselves some Celebrity Slam attention. We’re not picky – it’s not that hard to do or say something dumb enough to land in this space. For instance, Twitter beef – don’t we love us some Twitter beef. Or celebrity romance – beginning, ending, we don’t really care so long as we can make up a new portmanteau about it.

Another one of our favorites – something that will put you here just about 100% of the time – is pulling some variation of the “Don’t you know who I am?” card. Now, you don’t have to actually say those words exactly – DYKWIA is more of a state of mind. We might not be able to articulate it, but we know it when we see it.

This brings us to Silento.

Wednesday, 28 October 2020 11:49

Weird National Briefs (10/28/2020)

Written by Allen Adams

Twice-in-a-lifetime

DEARBORN HEIGHTS, Mich. (AP) — In what most people would consider a lucrative mistake, a Detroit-area man who accidentally bought an extra lottery ticket has won two $1 million jackpots.

Samir Mazahem, 56, of Dearborn Heights said he was saving numbers on a lottery app after buying a $2 ticket for the June 9 Mega Millions game. He then realized that he had purchased a second ticket with the same numbers.

“I was a little bummed but didn’t think much about it,” Mazahem said.

Until he recently logged onto the app and found he had two $1 million winners.

“I couldn’t believe it was real,” Mazahem said. “It took several days for the reality to set in that my mistake had paid off to the tune of $2 million!”

He recently claimed his prize and plans to buy a new house and save the rest.

TME – Sometimes, you just have to double down.

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