Tuesday, 07 January 2020 12:00

Celebrity Slam - From 'Full House' to the big house

Written by Allen Adams

With a new year, you can expect some new names and faces here at Celebrity Slam. Part of the joy of the year is slowly learning who the big weirdo and/or a-hole is going to be. Sometimes, they come in hot and heavy. Other times, it’s a slow build. Either way, it’s someone new.

But just because we’re in a new year and awaiting the Biggest D-Bag of 2020’s coming out party doesn’t mean that we’re no longer going to look back at the delightful idiocy that we got to enjoy in 2019.

This week, we’re going to continue a story from last year. A favorite story, actually. We’re going to talk about the still-exquisitely named law enforcement operation Varsity Blues, in which numerous people – including actors Felicity Huffman and Lori Loughlin – were caught committing various levels of crime in an effort to ensure college admission for their jerk kids.

The fallout has been real. Huffman already went to jail, serving 11 days of a two-week sentence. But Loughlin, whose efforts were considerably more involved than Huffman’s, is looking at a much bleaker potential sentence. If things don’t go her way, she could be looking at two or three years in for-real prison. That’s no joke, but what she’s doing in advance of that possibility kind of sounds like one.

You see, Loughlin has reportedly hired a prison consultant.

Tuesday, 07 January 2020 11:59

Weird National Briefs (01/08/2020)

Written by Allen Adams

Bird is the word

LAKE WORTH BEACH, Fla. - When someone in a Florida neighborhood heard chilling cries and the words “Let me out!” they dialed 911.

Little did they know the cries were that of a 40-year-old parrot named Rambo.

After the call, four Palm Beach County Sheriff’s deputies pulled up and questioned a man who appeared to be repairing a car in his driveway. The Palm Beach Post reports that when the deputies explained their concerns, the man smiled, then told deputies he’d introduce them to the perpetrator. When he returned with the parrot, the deputies burst out laughing.

The man told officers that he taught Rambo to scream “Let me out!” when he was a kid and Rambo lived in a cage.

PBSO officials could not be reached for more details. The agency did tweet a link to a video Saturday, saying, “Our deputies in Lake Worth Beach came to the help of someone screaming for help. Hilarity ensued.”

TME – Fowl play is suspected.

Monday, 23 December 2019 21:41

Celebrity Slam - 2019 Year in Review

Written by Allen Adams

One of the things that we love to do as every year comes to a close is take a look back on everything that we addressed in this space over the past 12 months. It’s a chance to say good-bye to the year’s wackiness and weirdness of the celebrity sphere. Some of it good, some of it bad … and a whole lot of it just plain dumb.

Let’s take a minute to look back at just a few of the highlights (or lowlights) from Celebrity Slam 2019.

Monday, 23 December 2019 21:39

Weird National Briefs (12/25/2019)

Written by Allen Adams

Owl be home for Christmas

ATLANTA - A Georgia family got a real hoot from its Christmas tree: More than a week after they bought it, they discovered a live owl nestled among its branches.

Katie McBride Newman said Friday that she and her daughter spotted the bird on Dec. 12. They had bought the 10-foot (3-meter) tall tree from a Home Depot, brought it back to their Atlanta area home and decorated it with lights and, coincidentally, owl ornaments.

“It was surreal, but we weren’t really freaked out about it,” McBride Newman said. “We’re really outdoorsy people. We love the wilderness.”

The family opened windows and doors near the tree hoping the owl would fly away, but it didn’t.

“The owl seemed to be pretty comfortable, and I thought, ‘Hey buddy, it’s not going to go well if you just stay here. There’s no food, I’m sorry,’” said McBride Newman’s husband, Billy Newman.

So the family called a nonprofit nature center for help. The Chattahoochee Nature Center caught the bird and helped the family release it.

McBride Newman said she believed the bird had been in the tree since they bought it, but was hidden.

“We think he was just in there hugging the trunk,” she said. “It’s a very dense tree and it was very fresh. That’s why we picked it.”

TME – Whoooo cares?

Tuesday, 17 December 2019 12:48

Celebrity Slam - Big Derulo Energy

Written by Allen Adams

Celebrities are always saying and/or doing dumb and/or weird stuff. It’s part of the package for a lot of these folks, and for whatever reason, their method of coping with fame involves losing track of what it means to interact with others like a normal human.

Now, most of the dumbness/weirdness is fairly predictable. Silly social media beefs. “Don’t you know who I am?” moments. General awkwardness brought about by a lack of self-awareness. The usual business.

But every once in a while, a celebrity gets weird in public about something unexpected. Something that you’d never in a million years consider discussing in a small group of strangers, let alone sharing with the world. Something … different.

So – we need to talk about Jason Derulo’s penis.

Tuesday, 17 December 2019 12:46

Weird National Briefs (12/18/2019)

Written by Allen Adams

Forever fruitcake

TECUMSEH, Mich. - Some families pass down jewelry, watches or even recipes. But a Michigan family has its own heirloom: a 141-year-old fruitcake.

“It’s a great thing,” said Julie Ruttinger, the great great granddaughter of Fidelia Ford, who baked the cake in 1878. “It was tradition. It’s a legacy.”

The cake was initially preserved to honor Ford. She established a tradition of baking the cake and letting it age for a year before serving it during holiday seasons. Ford died at age 65 before her 1878 cake could be eaten, and by the time the holidays arrived, the family considered her handiwork a legacy, not food.

Until his 2013 death, the cake was in the care of Ruttinger’s father, Morgan Ford, who was Fidelia Ford’s great-grandson. He had stored it in an antique glass dish on the top shelf of a china cabinet in his Tecumseh home _ which is where it remains today.

“He took care of it to the day he left the earth,” Ruttinger said. “We knew it meant a lot to him.”

Guinness World Records doesn’t have an entry for the oldest fruitcake, but as for cakes in general, the Ford fruitcake is nowhere near the world’s oldest, The Detroit News reported. That honor goes to a 4,176-year-old cake that was found in an Egyptian tomb, according to the Guinness organization. It is on display in a food museum in Switzerland.

TME – This story really takes the cake.

Tuesday, 10 December 2019 11:26

Celebrity Slam - Déjà vu, Steve Harvey-style

Written by Allen Adams

It doesn’t always take much to land a spot in this space. Depending on the week, it doesn’t necessarily require a whole lot in either fame or severity of offense. We’ve obviously had our favorites over the years – various celebs have enjoyed a few months of steady attention from us.

But then there are those who wind up making multiple appearances, but for reasons that are strange and/or unique to their specific circumstances. Those opportunities are rare, but we sure do enjoy them when they come along.

And this week, we’ve got one.

Remember a few years back when Steve Harvey did the whole thing where he announced the wrong winner at the Miss Universe pageant? Remember how ridiculous that whole situation was and how embarrassing it was for everyone involved? Remember how somehow, Steve Harvey didn’t get fired and kept the job?

Now, if that were you, the last thing in the world you would want is another mishap along those lines. One would think that you would be laser focused on making sure that nothing remotely resembling that humiliating moment would ever happen to you again.

But what if it did? Or at least, it looked like it did?

Tuesday, 10 December 2019 11:25

Weird National Briefs (12/11/2019)

Written by Allen Adams

Chimney creep

TUCSON - An Arizona man is facing charges after authorities say he tried to climb down the chimney with a bound in a vacant house - and got stuck.

KGUN-TV reports firefighters in Tucson, Arizona, rescued the man Friday after finding his legs dangling from inside the chimney.

Authorities say rescue workers were called to the scene following reports from neighbors who said they heard a man calling for help from inside the home.

Firefighters say they used a rescue ring and a rope on a crane to pull the man out of the chimney. Officials say the man is in his mid-30s and wasn’t injured.

Tucson Police say the home was vacant and the man was charged with trespassing and possession of a dangerous drug. His name was not released.

TME – Guess you could say he flue the coop.

Tuesday, 03 December 2019 13:26

Celebrity Slam - Sunshine on my … somewhere

Written by Allen Adams

Composing a weekly feature like Celebrity Slam isn’t always easy. Sometimes, we have to dig deep into the realm of celebrity gossip, looking for anyone, however minor, who might have said or done something worthy of our scorn. We have to accept that occasionally, the “celebrity” that we find will absolutely warrant those scare-quotes we put up around the term.

And sometimes, Josh Brolin gets a sunburn on his butthole and we remember why we love this job.

Tuesday, 03 December 2019 13:25

Weird National Briefs (12/04/2019)

Written by Allen Adams

Urine trouble!

NORTH BEND, Wash. - A movie theater in the small Washington city of North Bend was evacuated after authorities say a packaged labeled as containing a “highly contagious human substance” was sent there in error.

KOMO reports the package contained a urine sample.

Sgt. Paul Graham with Snoqualmie Police says the package arrived at the theater late Friday and the theater manager found a box with the labeled liquid inside.

The theater was evacuated, and local streets were closed as hazmat crews responded.

Graham says the package was supposed to have been delivered to a medical clinic in Tacoma. It was unclear how it ended up more than 40 miles away in North Bend.

Snoqualmie Police provide police services to North Bend.

TME – Rated Pee-Gee.

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