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Katy England Katy England
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edge staff writer


Toon Slam

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Toon Slam Toon Slam

So, our celebrity gossip columnist and writer-extraordinaire is on vacation. And I'm left to fill in his gossip column shoes, which are large. But, since having kids I've had a hard time keeping tabs on the lives of the rich and famous, but a much easier time keeping tabs of the lives* of cartoon characters and puppets. So here you go.

Big Bird and Snuffleupagus have falling out

The early reports are vague about what caused the rift between the giant pair. But it reportedly had something to do with Big Bird telling the giant, fuzzy, elephant-like creature that he was just a figment of his imagination, and he didn't really exist. Snuffy took exception to this point of view and the pair have been chilly towards each other since.

Snuffy told Edge reporters that he doesn't need his existence justified by an oversized chicken, which only served to exacerbate tensions between the two.

Look, guys, both of you are walking on thin ice when it comes to who actually exists. I mean, we've all seen 'The Matrix' at this point, and understand how the who 'Dream within a Dream' thing works. We all pretend to believe in you so you can pretend to like it each other. It's how millions of people get along in the workplace.

Wile E. Coyote kills Road Runner, facing death penalty

Police say that the Wile E. Coyote has caught and killed his long-time rival, in what authorities describe as a macabre chicken dinner.

Reportedly after trying countless methods to capture the bird, Coyote simple jumped on the poor thing and ate him.

He told reporters, 'He had it coming! He had it coming!'

He dissolved into gibberish shortly after that, claiming that the bird could walk through painted walls, survive large explosions, and defy gravity. Police noted that the Coyote may not be in his right mind, but still plan to pursue charges.

Police did concede that in the wild coyotes and road runners are natural enemies, and if neither of them had proper names they wouldn't be pursuing this as vigorously.

There's not much that can be said about this tragic incident. We try not to mock the victims of murder. Even cartoon murder. But I mean, wow. We all saw this coming from miles away. And not to say that he had it coming, but that Road Runner fellow certainly knew how to press Coyote's buttons. Bit him, literally, it the behind.

Bugs Bunny seen in drag, again

Several shots of Bugs Bunny dolled up in a stunning evening gown, wig and heels have surfaced again. For whatever reason, Bunny continues to deny that he enjoys strutting around in such a fashionable array as though strolling through town naked was somehow more normal.

Bunny tends to only resort to this get-up when he's trying to confuse some of his arch nemesis, including outdoorsman E. Fudd. Fudd has fallen for the ploy on several occasions, asking Bunny out on a date, which always gets pushed just past hunting season.

Friends of Bunny say that he just hasn't come to terms with his sexual identity, while others say he's just trying to bathe in media attention. Either way, he has struck a nerve with some women's groups who are simply tired of him looking better than they do in 4 inch heels.

* In case it wasn't obvious, the events in the lives of these fictional characters are made up. Completely. Even more made up than the characters are already made up.

Last modified on Tuesday, 20 August 2013 20:53


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