Celebrity Slam (400)

Friday, 31 August 2018 09:05

Celebrity Slam - Farewell to Neil Simon

Written by Allen Adams

Regular readers of this space know that sometimes, I take a break from the usual blend of snotty snark and celebrity portmanteaus to talk about something real. Usually, that break comes when a famous person who has had some sort of impact on me personally.

This is one of those times.

Neil Simon, the legendary playwright, passed away on August 26 at the age of 91. He was one of the most prolific – and most important – writers of the 20th century. His work helped define the theater for half-a-century; he is behind some of the most beloved stage comedies of all time.

Thursday, 23 August 2018 13:26

Celebrity Slam - The Smashening

Written by Allen Adams
Wednesday, 15 August 2018 11:36

Celebrity Slam - Frank Oz and Fozzie

Written by Allen Adams

Sometimes, we’re confronted with hard decisions here at Celebrity Slam. There are times when multiple items come to our attention that we would like to spend some time with. These weeks, with more than one potential target for our usual brand of scorn and derision, leave us with our own Sophie-esque choices to make.

This is one of those weeks.

Tuesday, 07 August 2018 14:14

Celebrity Slam - NASCAR CEO DUI

Written by Allen Adams

We’re not all that fussy here at Celebrity Slam. We’re not interested in limiting our reach with regards to who we focus on with our taunting and teasing. We don’t care WHY you’re famous, nor do we really give a crap about HOW famous you are. If you operate in the public eye in the entertainment realm, then you are fair game for us.

The previous paragraph is a long-winded way of explaining how our current subject wound up here. As you can see from this week’s title, our story features a whole lot of letters. And left turns.

Brian France is the chairman and CEO of NASCAR, a position that makes him one of the most powerful people in American professional sports. He is doubtless a BFD in most of the circles in which he travels. Such a BFD, in fact, that he thought he was going to be able to get away with driving drunk in the Hamptons.

But here’s the thing – the police in the Hamptons aren’t even a little impressed by how famous you are.

Wednesday, 01 August 2018 08:17

Celebrity Slam - Pratt falls

Written by Allen Adams

It’s that time again, folks. We here at Celebrity Slam are once again getting the opportunity to do one of our favorite things ever. Now, it isn’t our usual scorn and mockery – this is not an item driven by derision. No, it’s a joyful thing – albeit one that we can still have plenty of fun with.

It’s another celebrity relationship! Two famous people have hooked up and have shown themselves in public as a dating unit! And you all know what that means!


Tuesday, 24 July 2018 14:16

Celebrity Slam - Lochte's splash and burn

Written by Allen Adams

We’re not afraid to play fast and loose with the notion of what exactly the term “celebrity” entails. For the most part, we stick to pretty standard notions of what it means to be a celebrity and normal levels of popularity and pop cultural cachet. Well, for a given value of “normal,” at any rate. But that doesn’t mean we’re bound by the TMZ definition of celebrity.

Occasionally, we’ll make note of an individual that we’re perfectly aware is a reach, but for whatever reason, are irresistible in that specific moment. It all boils down to a single question: just what weirdness and/or idiocy are we going to get to discuss? The right words and deeds can earn the right person a whole lot of leeway as far as their level of fame is concerned. Whether that fame is niche or novel or long-past, we don’t care – we will not hesitate to write them up right here in this illustrious space if the story makes us laugh.

This brings us to Ryan Lochte.

Tuesday, 17 July 2018 15:10

Celebrity Slam - Depp charge

Written by Allen Adams

Our usual fare here at Celebrity Slam tends toward the verbal and/or self-inflicted mistakes of famous people. We love making fun of the stupid things that these people will say and mocking the idiotic things that they do; however, those actions don’t tend to be violent in nature as a rule. But sometimes they are, and as long as that violence is comedic rather than tragic, well … we’re all in.

Which brings us to Johnny Depp.

It’s no secret that Mr. Depp has been on a bit of a prolonged and relatively slow-moving downward spiral. We’re not going to talk about all of that awfulness right now, though please know that we’re aware of how strange and terrible things are in Captain Jack’s world at the moment.

What we ARE going to talk about is the fact that he punched a guy on set for what really does seem to be no reason at all.

Monday, 02 July 2018 15:23

Celebrity Slam - Mob Wife vs. Teen Mom

Written by Allen Adams

One of the realities of working on a weekly feature such as Celebrity Slam is the fact that the term “celebrity” means different things to different people. Fame is a relative thing – just because we personally are unfamiliar with someone doesn’t mean they’re any less famous.

Reality television has further blurred the lines, because we now have a wealth of celebrities who aren’t really famous for anything other than being famous. It has become a self-propagating beast, churning out ostensibly attractive and aggressively off-putting “stars” with factory-floor regularity. There are just so many – it’s impossible to know them all. And despite our ignorance, they ARE famous – their shows are inexplicably adored by a not-insignificant number of people.

And due to the nature of the game, sometimes these “stars” have to square off against each other. Whether it’s within the confines of their own shows or in the larger reality TV-sphere, part of the deal is conflict. The more conflict you can generate – genuine or otherwise – the better.

Which brings us to the budding beef between Drita D’Avanzo and Farrah Abraham.

Tuesday, 26 June 2018 13:50

Celebrity Slam - Fighting for free? Dumb!

Written by Allen Adams

Every once in a while, we like to mix things up here at Celebrity Slam. Sure, our focus is usually on the entertainment world, but sometimes we like to venture onto the playing fields and bring athletes into the mix. There’s a fair degree of overlap, after all, and besides – fame and fortune generated by sporting endeavors is just as ego-inflating as anything you’ll get from excelling at screen or song.

However, one thing that you would think all famous people – in all arenas – would understand is that they should probably not use their own specific skill sets for free. This is what you do for a living – don’t go giving it away.

But try telling that to mixed martial artist Nate Diaz.

Tuesday, 19 June 2018 14:55

Celebrity Slam - (Un)Happy Father’s Day

Written by Allen Adams

We tend to keep things fairly light here at Celebrity Slam. The sort of chicanery that we point out is usually relatively innocuous – famous people saying something dumb or behaving like a moron – and that’s only when we aren’t making up new portmanteaus or digging into some delicious beef.

However, sometimes, we get a celebrity behaving in a way that genuinely warrants all of the scorn and derision that we can heap upon them.

We all know that rock star Tommy Lee is a bit of a scumbag. From his early days in Motley Crue right up until now, he’s been something of a jerk. But he recently took things a bit too far with regards to one of his sons.

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