Celebrity Slam (409)

Tuesday, 12 February 2019 19:18

Celebrity Slam - On and Offset

Written by Allen Adams

It’s tough not to fall into a rut when you work on a weekly feature such as this one. Sure, we continue to take great pleasure in mocking the famous and celebrating celebrity relationships with newly-minted portmanteaus – who wouldn’t?

But while we love it, we still worry about getting overly wrapped up in the standard “same old, same old” business. That’s why we take great pleasure when one of our celebrities winds up giving us something we don’t often see.

This time around, we’ve got just that, an unconventional Celebrity Slam courtesy of rapper Offset. Why is it unconventional, you ask? Because it’s a true rarity – a twofer. Two Slammable happenings – one where he warrants a Slam, another where he is the object of someone else’s Slam.

Wednesday, 06 February 2019 13:21

Celebrity Slam - No way Jose!

Written by Allen Adams

There has been a lot of stuff out there in the celebrity sphere lately. It has been a surprisingly fallow period for us here at Celebrity Slam – January and February tend to be slow months.

However, many of the words and deeds being put forth by these famous folks, while terrible and worthy of scorn, simply aren’t that funny. And so, they fall by the wayside, because while we certainly relish the opportunity to mock and deride, we also want it to be fun – fun for us and fun for you.

That’s a roundabout way of telling you that we’re going to be talking about former MLB slugger and current weirdo Jose Canseco this week.

We can already hear you: “A baseball player who has been retired for over a decade and occasionally appears on reality TV shows? That’s your celebrity?” And we get it. We do.

But this one’s REALLY fun.

Wednesday, 30 January 2019 13:11

Celebrity Slam - Hate the player ... and The Game

Written by Allen Adams

We’re always here for beef. Anyone who has ever spent any time at all with this space knows that there are few things that we love more than the sizzling steak of celebrity feuding.

The sniping can take all manner of forms, of course. The most common, nigh-ubiquitous flavor these days is via social media. Twitter and Instagram are the main culprits, the spots where its easiest to ensure that both your target and your target audience get pinpointed precisely.

That’s all well and good, but don’t discount the deep and delightful tradition of the diss track. Hip-hop stars have long been displaying their mastery of the beef game through recording songs intended to take big swings.

Speaking of game – it’s The Game.

Tuesday, 22 January 2019 20:00

Celebrity Slam - Breaking down beefs

Written by Allen Adams

You might think that we’d get sick of venturing off into the internet in search of ridiculous feuds between famous people. You might think it – but you’d be wrong. We LOVE seeing the stupid things that celebrities choose to get mad about. Celebrity beef is the most delicious beef.

But not all celebrity beefs are created equal.

Wednesday, 16 January 2019 13:34

Celebrity Slam - Long live Prattzenegger!

Written by Allen Adams

It’s that time again, folks. We here at Celebrity Slam are once again getting the opportunity to do one of our favorite things ever. It’s another installment of Celebrity Portmanteau Time! Two famous people have hooked up!

Chris Pratt is marrying Katherine Schwarzenegger and we’ve never been as excited to officially jam two names together. It has been quite the whirlwind romance for these two – they only met last summer, introduced by Katherine’s mother Maria Shriver – but they apparently have decided to go ahead and put a ring on it.

(For those concerned, Pratt’s ex Anna Faris expressed what seemed to be genuine happiness for the newly-engaged couple. While no divorce is going to be without strife, Pratt and Faris seem to have managed to end their marriage fairly amicably.)

Rather than relitigate the whole portmanteau situation, we ask that you enjoy this excerpt from our previous exploration of the pairing.

Wednesday, 09 January 2019 13:34

Celebrity Slam - Golden Globes letdown

Written by Allen Adams

Awards season is great for a lot of reasons. All the famous folks are out and about and often jammed into rooms together, forced into a proximity that they don’t ordinarily have to deal with. This can lead to the escalation of already simmering beefs or other Slammable weirdness. These people aren’t used to doing stuff they don’t want to – especially if that means standing shoulder to shoulder alongside someone with whom you’re currently blood-feuding.

So obviously, we were super jazzed for the Golden Globes. It’s an awards show that has a couple of specific things going for it. It’s one of the first really big ones, so people aren’t necessarily ready to exhibit the self-control needed to deal with potential conflicts. The awards themselves are essentially random, meaning that there’s some anxiety and possibility of hurt feelings. And most importantly – there’s booze. Lots and lots of booze.

Add it all up and the Golden Globes are usually good for a nice Celebrity Slam. And yet this year wound up being shockingly thin. Really, the best we could come up with is the beef-that-is-not-a-beef between “This is Us” star Chrissy Metz and “GLOW” star Alison Brie.

Wednesday, 26 December 2018 11:52

Celebrity Slam - 2018 Year in Review

Written by Allen Adams

One of the things that we love to do as every year comes to a close is take a look back on everything that we addressed in this space over the past 12 months. It’s a chance to say good-bye to the wackiness and weirdness of the celebrity sphere in 2017. Some of it good, some of it bad … and a whole lot of it just plain dumb.

Let’s take a minute to look back at just a few of the highlights (or lowlights) from Celebrity Slam 2018.

Wednesday, 19 December 2018 12:42

Celebrity Slam - Dance Dance Restitution

Written by Allen Adams

One of the things about operating in this space every week is that it keeps us more in tune with the current pop culture landscape than we might otherwise be. The truth is that pop culture – especially online pop culture – moves at an exponentially higher speed than it did when we were young zeitgeist consumers.

But here’s the thing – we’re still old.

Our status as elderstatespeople means that we simply aren’t able to consume at the rate that we once did. So much is happening so quickly that we can’t keep up. And thus, there are significant gaps in our understanding, despite our best efforts.

This brings us to this week’s subject: Fortnite.

Wednesday, 12 December 2018 14:12

Celebrity Slam - Fly me to the moon

Written by Allen Adams

There are a lot of things that we LOVE to mock here at Celebrity Slam. The deeds and words of the rich and famous provide endless fodder for our scorn and derision. There’s a reason we’ve been able to do this for over a decade and have no plans to stop anytime soon.

However, there are some moments that we enjoy more than others. That’s when a special brand of stupidity bubbles to the surface, a perfect storm of idiocy and ignorance that allows us to really plumb the depths of dumbness that some of these people bring to the table.

One of our favorite subsets in this category is professional athletes. Specifically, professional athletes who profess to disbelieve certain basically understood truths about the world. For instance, we had a lot of fun with Kyrie Irving when he expressed his belief that the world was flat. That’s tinfoil hat crazy talk and we were delighted to laugh at it.

And now, we have Steph Curry. So what weirdness does Steph Curry believe? Is it that the Earth is flat? No.

Steph Curry doesn’t believe that we landed on the moon.

Wednesday, 05 December 2018 13:15

Celebrity Slam - Calling out Kanye

Written by Allen Adams

There’s a lot of variety when it comes to Celebrity Slam. Working on this feature weekly leads us to discover celebrity idiocy on scales large and small. From faux pas to felonies, we run the gamut here. Sometimes, the stupidity we address is big and awful, packed with significant ramifications.

This will not be one of those times. However, we WILL be addressing a longtime Celebrity Slam favorite.

Kanye’s back, baby!

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