Celebrity Slam (405)

Wednesday, 16 January 2019 13:34

Celebrity Slam - Long live Prattzenegger!

Written by Allen Adams

It’s that time again, folks. We here at Celebrity Slam are once again getting the opportunity to do one of our favorite things ever. It’s another installment of Celebrity Portmanteau Time! Two famous people have hooked up!

Chris Pratt is marrying Katherine Schwarzenegger and we’ve never been as excited to officially jam two names together. It has been quite the whirlwind romance for these two – they only met last summer, introduced by Katherine’s mother Maria Shriver – but they apparently have decided to go ahead and put a ring on it.

(For those concerned, Pratt’s ex Anna Faris expressed what seemed to be genuine happiness for the newly-engaged couple. While no divorce is going to be without strife, Pratt and Faris seem to have managed to end their marriage fairly amicably.)

Rather than relitigate the whole portmanteau situation, we ask that you enjoy this excerpt from our previous exploration of the pairing.

Wednesday, 09 January 2019 13:34

Celebrity Slam - Golden Globes letdown

Written by Allen Adams

Awards season is great for a lot of reasons. All the famous folks are out and about and often jammed into rooms together, forced into a proximity that they don’t ordinarily have to deal with. This can lead to the escalation of already simmering beefs or other Slammable weirdness. These people aren’t used to doing stuff they don’t want to – especially if that means standing shoulder to shoulder alongside someone with whom you’re currently blood-feuding.

So obviously, we were super jazzed for the Golden Globes. It’s an awards show that has a couple of specific things going for it. It’s one of the first really big ones, so people aren’t necessarily ready to exhibit the self-control needed to deal with potential conflicts. The awards themselves are essentially random, meaning that there’s some anxiety and possibility of hurt feelings. And most importantly – there’s booze. Lots and lots of booze.

Add it all up and the Golden Globes are usually good for a nice Celebrity Slam. And yet this year wound up being shockingly thin. Really, the best we could come up with is the beef-that-is-not-a-beef between “This is Us” star Chrissy Metz and “GLOW” star Alison Brie.

Wednesday, 26 December 2018 11:52

Celebrity Slam - 2018 Year in Review

Written by Allen Adams

One of the things that we love to do as every year comes to a close is take a look back on everything that we addressed in this space over the past 12 months. It’s a chance to say good-bye to the wackiness and weirdness of the celebrity sphere in 2017. Some of it good, some of it bad … and a whole lot of it just plain dumb.

Let’s take a minute to look back at just a few of the highlights (or lowlights) from Celebrity Slam 2018.

Wednesday, 19 December 2018 12:42

Celebrity Slam - Dance Dance Restitution

Written by Allen Adams

One of the things about operating in this space every week is that it keeps us more in tune with the current pop culture landscape than we might otherwise be. The truth is that pop culture – especially online pop culture – moves at an exponentially higher speed than it did when we were young zeitgeist consumers.

But here’s the thing – we’re still old.

Our status as elderstatespeople means that we simply aren’t able to consume at the rate that we once did. So much is happening so quickly that we can’t keep up. And thus, there are significant gaps in our understanding, despite our best efforts.

This brings us to this week’s subject: Fortnite.

Wednesday, 12 December 2018 14:12

Celebrity Slam - Fly me to the moon

Written by Allen Adams

There are a lot of things that we LOVE to mock here at Celebrity Slam. The deeds and words of the rich and famous provide endless fodder for our scorn and derision. There’s a reason we’ve been able to do this for over a decade and have no plans to stop anytime soon.

However, there are some moments that we enjoy more than others. That’s when a special brand of stupidity bubbles to the surface, a perfect storm of idiocy and ignorance that allows us to really plumb the depths of dumbness that some of these people bring to the table.

One of our favorite subsets in this category is professional athletes. Specifically, professional athletes who profess to disbelieve certain basically understood truths about the world. For instance, we had a lot of fun with Kyrie Irving when he expressed his belief that the world was flat. That’s tinfoil hat crazy talk and we were delighted to laugh at it.

And now, we have Steph Curry. So what weirdness does Steph Curry believe? Is it that the Earth is flat? No.

Steph Curry doesn’t believe that we landed on the moon.

Wednesday, 05 December 2018 13:15

Celebrity Slam - Calling out Kanye

Written by Allen Adams

There’s a lot of variety when it comes to Celebrity Slam. Working on this feature weekly leads us to discover celebrity idiocy on scales large and small. From faux pas to felonies, we run the gamut here. Sometimes, the stupidity we address is big and awful, packed with significant ramifications.

This will not be one of those times. However, we WILL be addressing a longtime Celebrity Slam favorite.

Kanye’s back, baby!

Wednesday, 28 November 2018 13:34

Celebrity Slam - Tough guy Tekashi69

Written by Allen Adams

Celebrity Slam is supposed to be a fun feature. We mock low-stakes idiocy as it springs from the words and deeds of the rich and famous. We all do dumb stuff, but celebrities do their dumb stuff in the spotlight, so we get to poke a little fun. That’s usually all there is to it.

But sometimes, famous people get into REAL trouble. Sometimes, they commit actual crimes. They engage in for-real illicit activity. Often, the nature of these crimes means that they aren’t appropriate for a space like this one. As a rule, we steer clear. As a rule.

But holy crap, have you SEEN some of this stuff with Tekashi69?

Tuesday, 20 November 2018 10:29

Celebrity Slam - Splash me outside

Written by Allen Adams

Ladies and gentlemen – we’ve got beef!

Now, this isn’t top-tier beef. We’re not talking A-listers or anything like that. That isn’t to say we’re lacking in quality, however. While we might not be dealing with brand names or anything, the truth is that what this beef lacks in familiarity, it more than makes up for in pure meaty trashiness.

It's Bhad Bhabie versus Iggy Azalea in this week’s faceoff.

Wednesday, 14 November 2018 12:07

Celebrity Slam - Mike and Mike's 20 years of giving

Written by Allen Adams

We spend a lot of time in this space laughing at the foibles of the famous. There are few things we love more than watching clueless celebrities snipe at each other over unimportant idiocy or pair up in ways that force us to combine their names in new and interesting ways. That’s no surprise – the name of the feature is Celebrity Slam. It’s what we do here.

However, that isn’t ALL we do. Sometimes, we like to take a step back and recognize that there are people out there who embrace the opportunity to use their fame to do something good. These are the people who give back because it’s the right thing to do, not because the optics are good or whatever. Sometimes, it’s nice to celebrate the good.

This week, as we near Thanksgiving and all that this time of year entails, we thought we might take a few minutes to toot the horns of some local celebrities who won’t necessarily do it themselves, a pair of delightful humans whose hearts have always been in the right place.

Wednesday, 07 November 2018 13:02

Celebrity Slam - Brawlin' Baldwin

Written by Allen Adams

It’s no secret that these days, Celebrity Slam largely runs on hip-hop beef and famous couple portmanteaus. That’s because we tend to take what the world gives us – and that’s part of the fun. Besides, both of those things are delightful – a savory entrée and a sweet dessert.

But those of you who have been with us from the beginning know that we are truly at our best when we can dig into a celebrity’s behavior and really lean into the scorn, mockery and derision. Yes, we love beef, but the two-sided nature of it doesn’t always lend itself to certain brands of snark. And obviously, celebrity couples are the best, but that’s a whole different kind of fun. So it’s nice when someone famous gets involved in something idiotic. Something truly, deeply stupid. Something REALLY dumb.

And so – Alec Baldwin.

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