Celebrity Slam (400)

Wednesday, 20 March 2019 12:06

Celebrity Slam - Conor’s phone freakout

Written by Allen Adams

It’s always hard to deal with the week after.

While we always have fun here at Celebrity Slam, we are rarely gifted with something so beautifully perfect for this space as the still-ongoing college admissions scandal. Yes, there are plenty of plain, boring, un-famous rich people involved, but we also have Lori Loughlin and Felicity Huffman.

There have been developments since last we spoke, mostly regarding Loughlin’s side of things. Her daughter (and notable social media influencer) Olivia Jade has some old posts regarding her general disdain for school that don’t reflect well. Oh, and it turns out that she was partying on a yacht belonging to a USC trustee as everything was going down. Plus, Loughlin has gotten the old heave-ho from the fine folks at the Hallmark Channel.

But we can’t really spend too much time here. We have to move on. Even though subsequent stories almost certainly won’t be as fun, we can’t just live on Operation Varsity Blues forever.

And so, we’re going to talk about Conor McGregor.

Wednesday, 13 March 2019 12:41

Celebrity Slam - Admission ambition attrition

Written by Allen Adams

Much of our time here at Celebrity Slam is spent on beef and love. Specifically, celebrity feuds (the more online, the better) and relationships (hooray portmanteaus!) – it’s our bread and butter.

But sometimes, we’re granted a gift. A wonderful, weird and utterly ridiculous gift.

It doesn’t happen as often as we’d like, but every once in a while, a celebrity will get involved in something so ludicrous, so outlandish that we have to pinch ourselves to be sure that we aren’t somehow dreaming this lunacy into existence. But today, we have pinched. We are aware and we are focused and what we have before us is something truly magical.

Felicity Huffman and Lori Loughlin – come on down!

In what has to be in the conversation for most entitled action ever covered in this space, Huffman and Loughlin were among some 50 or so rich folks caught up in an investigation into a nationwide college entrance cheating operation. The federal investigation – awesomely titled “Operation Varsity Blues” – is taking those involved into custody, including a number of NCAA Division I coaches and other college-affiliated figures.

Wednesday, 06 March 2019 12:27

Celebrity Slam - Pete and Kate step out

Written by Allen Adams

We like to keep things light here at Celebrity Slam. There are some pretty dark stories out there in the celebrity sphere right now, dominating the conversation in a lot of ways. We’re not going to be talking about those stories; there are certain things we have no interest in mocking.

But you know what we do like? Celebrity couple portmanteaus!

This week’s entry into the namespace is the newly-minted coupling of Pete Davidson and Kate Beckinsale, who have been the subject of rumors over the past few weeks with regards to a possible romance blossoming between the two. They recently made it public (via PDA during a New York Rangers hockey game, because of course they did) and so we’re off to the races.

Having Pete Davidson back so soon after the collapse of his relationship with Ariana Grande is weird – we miss Grandson – but we all deal with that sort of stuff differently, so who are we to judge? Meanwhile, Beckinsale seems to be making a departure in partner – she was in long-term relationships with actor Michael Sheen and director Len Wiseman, divorcing the latter in 2016.

By all accounts, the still-budding relationship is growing nicely. Sources close to both are indicating that while things are moving somewhat slowly, they seem to be going somewhere.

(We’ll get to our misgivings about all of this at the end. For now – portmanteau!)

Wednesday, 27 February 2019 13:46

Celebrity Slam - Thirsty Trainor

Written by Allen Adams

We’ll be the first to admit that we don’t always get to write about stories in the timeliest fashion. We here at Celebrity Slam spend plenty of time combing the internet for delightful tales of celebrity weirdness and/or idiocy, but we’re only human. Sometimes, we miss something here or there.

One such story we missed was the cuckoo-bananas press release sent out by singer Meghan Trainor’s people in advance of her new EP, titled “The Love Train.” Obviously, the goal when preparing to release new music is to generate advance buzz for the project. You want people to be talking about what you’re bringing to the table.

However, there’s such a thing as too much. And while we’re not sure precisely where the line falls between enough and too much, we feel pretty confident that Trainor’s PR team landed firmly (and distantly) on the wrong side of it.

Wednesday, 20 February 2019 13:23

Celebrity Slam - All's fair in love and war

Written by Allen Adams

As you well know, we love good beef here at Celebrity Slam. We love it when famous people throw down some sizzling steak and allow the rest of us to dig right in and enjoy all of their petty grievances and stupid arguments.

But did you know that sometimes beef can transcend the feuds and grow into something more? That sometimes, the enemy of your enemy is not just your friend … but your lover?

That’s the case with current celebrity couple Soulja Boy and Blac Chyna, whose relationship began as an effort against a mutual enemy and blossomed into something real.

Tuesday, 12 February 2019 19:18

Celebrity Slam - On and Offset

Written by Allen Adams

It’s tough not to fall into a rut when you work on a weekly feature such as this one. Sure, we continue to take great pleasure in mocking the famous and celebrating celebrity relationships with newly-minted portmanteaus – who wouldn’t?

But while we love it, we still worry about getting overly wrapped up in the standard “same old, same old” business. That’s why we take great pleasure when one of our celebrities winds up giving us something we don’t often see.

This time around, we’ve got just that, an unconventional Celebrity Slam courtesy of rapper Offset. Why is it unconventional, you ask? Because it’s a true rarity – a twofer. Two Slammable happenings – one where he warrants a Slam, another where he is the object of someone else’s Slam.

Wednesday, 06 February 2019 13:21

Celebrity Slam - No way Jose!

Written by Allen Adams

There has been a lot of stuff out there in the celebrity sphere lately. It has been a surprisingly fallow period for us here at Celebrity Slam – January and February tend to be slow months.

However, many of the words and deeds being put forth by these famous folks, while terrible and worthy of scorn, simply aren’t that funny. And so, they fall by the wayside, because while we certainly relish the opportunity to mock and deride, we also want it to be fun – fun for us and fun for you.

That’s a roundabout way of telling you that we’re going to be talking about former MLB slugger and current weirdo Jose Canseco this week.

We can already hear you: “A baseball player who has been retired for over a decade and occasionally appears on reality TV shows? That’s your celebrity?” And we get it. We do.

But this one’s REALLY fun.

Wednesday, 30 January 2019 13:11

Celebrity Slam - Hate the player ... and The Game

Written by Allen Adams

We’re always here for beef. Anyone who has ever spent any time at all with this space knows that there are few things that we love more than the sizzling steak of celebrity feuding.

The sniping can take all manner of forms, of course. The most common, nigh-ubiquitous flavor these days is via social media. Twitter and Instagram are the main culprits, the spots where its easiest to ensure that both your target and your target audience get pinpointed precisely.

That’s all well and good, but don’t discount the deep and delightful tradition of the diss track. Hip-hop stars have long been displaying their mastery of the beef game through recording songs intended to take big swings.

Speaking of game – it’s The Game.

Tuesday, 22 January 2019 20:00

Celebrity Slam - Breaking down beefs

Written by Allen Adams

You might think that we’d get sick of venturing off into the internet in search of ridiculous feuds between famous people. You might think it – but you’d be wrong. We LOVE seeing the stupid things that celebrities choose to get mad about. Celebrity beef is the most delicious beef.

But not all celebrity beefs are created equal.

Wednesday, 16 January 2019 13:34

Celebrity Slam - Long live Prattzenegger!

Written by Allen Adams

It’s that time again, folks. We here at Celebrity Slam are once again getting the opportunity to do one of our favorite things ever. It’s another installment of Celebrity Portmanteau Time! Two famous people have hooked up!

Chris Pratt is marrying Katherine Schwarzenegger and we’ve never been as excited to officially jam two names together. It has been quite the whirlwind romance for these two – they only met last summer, introduced by Katherine’s mother Maria Shriver – but they apparently have decided to go ahead and put a ring on it.

(For those concerned, Pratt’s ex Anna Faris expressed what seemed to be genuine happiness for the newly-engaged couple. While no divorce is going to be without strife, Pratt and Faris seem to have managed to end their marriage fairly amicably.)

Rather than relitigate the whole portmanteau situation, we ask that you enjoy this excerpt from our previous exploration of the pairing.

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