Celebrity Slam (408)

Wednesday, 21 August 2019 09:27

Celebrity Slam - Homewrecking ball

Written by Allen Adams

Our love for celebrity romances knows no bounds here at Celebrity Slam. Anyone who reads this space with any kind of regularity is aware that we derive great joy from the creation of famous couple portmanteaus. We love them so much, in fact, that we often find ourselves unable to address the endings of those relationships. Really, we’re just big softies. Romantics at heart.

But here’s the thing: we’re only human. And sometimes, one of these breakups blows up in such a spectacular fashion that we would not be doing our due diligence if we didn’t at least kick the tires.

And so we arrive at the ongoing breakup saga of Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth.

Tuesday, 13 August 2019 14:58

Celebrity Slam - Kid Rock in a hard place

Written by Allen Adams

One of the things we love most about working in this space every week is that you never really know what’s going to happen. The sorts of celebrities we tend to deal with are mercurial by their very nature, meaning that we can never be certain of just how things are going to play out. There are plenty of unexpected romantic pairings and LOADS of unexpected beef.

We’ll be dealing with the latter this week, though if you spent any amount of time online this weekend, you likely already know where we’re going with this – we’ve got beef between Kid Rock and Taylor Swift.

You read that right.

Tuesday, 06 August 2019 16:05

Celebrity Slam - A bone to pick with Aaron Carter

Written by Allen Adams

We have a lot of fun here at Celebrity Slam. There’s a lot of enjoyment to be had from taking potshots at the idiocy of the rich and famous. We love tossing out liberal doses of scorn and derision at the stupid things that celebrities say and do. But it’s all in good fun.

Every once in a while, though, an item lands on our radar that we find genuinely off-putting. Granted, we don’t tend to delve into the seedy and sad behaviors of celebs – there are certain things that simply aren’t funny, and so we tend to avoid them – but there are occasionally stories that are both unpleasant and very much worthy of our attention.

And this week, we’ve got one.

Specifically, we’re going to talk about Aaron Carter. Why are we talking about Aaron Carter? Because word on the street is that he’s got some sort of d-bag grift going involving dogs – and we will not have anyone mistreating dogs, because dogs are the best thing and they deserve to be loved, not exploited.

Tuesday, 30 July 2019 14:33

Celebrity Slam - Hammer toes

Written by Allen Adams

We have a type here at Celebrity Slam. You all know it. We love feuds and we love romances. Beefs and portmanteaus – that’s what we’re here for.

That’s not all of it, of course. There’s plenty of room for more individualized buffoonery – famous people saying and doing idiotic things for idiotic reasons, that sort of deal.

But then there’s the stuff that’s just … weird. Stuff that doesn’t really fit in any of the other boxes but still very much needs to be addressed.

Yeah – we’re going to have to talk about that Armie Hammer video.

Sometimes, we have a distinct plan for this space that is set days ahead of time. We see an item hit over the weekend and we say to ourselves “Yes, this is it. This is our Celebrity Slam story for the week. Let’s go get some wings.” And then we do.

But then, every once in a while, something will pop up just as we’re preparing to go to press. Something that seems to offer more Slammable potential than the item upon which we had previously settled. Even if there’s a good chance that the new story will still be breaking in the days that follow, if it’s good enough, we’ll consider making the change.

This week, we are making just such a change. Our initial plan was to feature New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady and the weird video he shared of talking his kid into jumping off a cliff or whatever. There was backlash and stuff – The Rock called him out, just as one example – and it seemed like it’d be a perfectly fine story.

But then Ellen Barkin called out beloved children’s television hosts Captain Kangaroo and Shari Lewis of being child-haters on Twitter and, well … how can we not cover this?

Tuesday, 16 July 2019 17:06

Celebrity Slam - Tool of the trade

Written by Allen Adams

We’re big fans of beef here at Celebrity Slam. It’s no secret – anyone who has spent any time reading this feature knows that we love nothing more than biting into a sizzling bit of grade-A celebrity feud tenderloin.

And we’ve been spoiled in recent weeks – there has been a lot of celeb-on-celeb beefing that has given us plenty of fodder. Unfortunately, there are no new Bieber-issued fight challenges to Tom Cruise this time around. It has been great, but alas – all good things must end. Or at least pause briefly.

That said, this doesn’t mean we can’t go back to the Bieber well again. Because here’s the thing: Despite being wildly successful and one of the most famous people on the planet, the Biebs has a tendency to be actively disliked by people. And when that active dislike comes from other famous people, well … we’ve got some beef on the grill.

This brings us to Maynard James Keenan. That’s right – this item about Justin Bieber springs from actions taken by the front man of Tool.

Tuesday, 09 July 2019 19:22

Celebrity Slam - Bottlecap Ballyhoo

Written by Allen Adams

As anyone who has spent any time with this page knows, we love it when we can milk a story for all that it’s worth. We’re just as lazy as the next folks – when famous people lean into their weirdness for long enough that we can get multiple weeks of content out of it, we’re thrilled.

Granted, that doesn’t happen all that often. Gone are the halcyon days of Charlie Sheen rampages and rapid-fire T-Swift relationship turnovers and LiLo meltdowns – it has been much rarer as of late. We just don’t see celebs returning to the well like they once did.

So when it happens, we’re obviously excited to take part.

Remember a few weeks back when there was the whole kerfuffle on Twitter when Justin Bieber challenged Tom Cruise to an MMA fight? And we all got super jazzed about it for like 36 hours? Dana White even said that he’d promote the thing? Only then Bieber backed it down, saying that the whole thing was a joke and that Cruise would probably kick his ass anyway (which is 100% accurate, in our opinion) and Cruise’s camp never really said anything and that was that.

But was it?

Tuesday, 02 July 2019 14:57

Celebrity Slam - Swift-ly business

Written by Allen Adams

We’re not going to sit here and pretend that we really understand the intricacies of the entertainment business. Movies, TV, music – we know that we enjoy these things and enjoy making fun of the people who serve as the stars, but we don’t know how any of it actually works. We lack an understanding of how the sausage is made.

That’s part of what makes this week’s item so intriguing – we know that people are mad and we sort of get why, but not really.

Tuesday, 25 June 2019 15:35

Celebrity Slam - Chicken beef

Written by Allen Adams

There’s not much we take more seriously than beef here at Celebrity Slam. We recognize that inane conflicts between famous people are the driving force behind whatever success we might derive from this feature. Beef is the best.

But here’s the thing – what if that beef … tastes like chicken?

That’s what we’re looking at in our latest delightful throwdown, between longtime antagonists Miley Cyrus and Nicki Minaj.

Tuesday, 18 June 2019 16:04

Celebrity Slam - #31YearsChallenge

Written by Allen Adams

You might remember last week’s Celebrity Slam, when we got after Justin Bieber for challenging Tom Cruise to a fight on Twitter. We had a lot of fun at the expense of the Biebs – as we are wont to do – and had some laughs.

Unsurprisingly, Bieber didn’t take long before walking it back and apologizing for what we all pretty much already knew was a joke while also acknowledging something else that we all already knew – that Tom Cruise would straight-up whoop his a--.

One of the delightful side effects of the whole kerfuffle was the social media trend springing from the 31-year age difference between Bieber and Cruise. It led to what is being called the Bieber Challenge, where users took to Twitter to call out celebrities 31 years their senior and challenge them to fights.

Now, while we acknowledge that the currency of the moment has passed – not much lasts long in the cultural consciousness these days – we thought it might be fun for you readers out there to get a sense of some of the celebs that we would fight in the 31 Year Challenge and what our plan of attack might look like.

It turns out that 1945 was a pretty solid birth year as far as celebrities go, so there are going to be some prominent names here.

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