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Celebrity Slam (419)

Wednesday, 29 August 2012 12:14

Celebrity Slam - Aug. 29, 2012

Written by Allen Adams

Been caught stealing

Believe it or not, one of our constant hopes here at Celebrity Slam is that our column regulars find ways to keep themselves out of our snarky crosshairs. It would be nice to think that these celebs can figure out how to function as normal humans and avoid saying and doing the idiotic things that result in their being lambasted in this space. Every once in a while, one of them even manages it.

Lindsay Lohan is not one of them.

These new allegations spring from a house party held at the Hollywood Hills home of rich guy Sam Magid reportedly a close friend of Lohan's. Magid called the police to report the theft of $100,000 worth of watches, sunglasses and other items. According to reports, LiLo frequently visits the estate, even attending an all-night rager a couple of weeks ago.

The LAPD have added LiLo and her assistant to the list of suspects, even though the erstwhile 'actress' has already tried to throw at least one acquaintance under the bus Andrew Knight, a young man who claims to be the son of rap producer/lunatic Suge Knight. However, the cops didn't buy her story.

According to Magid, Knight and another young man who was present at the house told him that Lohan had handed them a bag containing some of the stolen items wrapped in one of her T-shirts. The two men returned the items. Magid also said that Lohan explained some of the other missing items by saying she had hidden them around the house because she feared they'd be stolen. Of course, she also confessed to being on Ambien at the time, so the whole mess is rather conveniently hazy.

Magid has since recanted the story, saying nothing was stolen, but the cops aren't buying that either; they've got independent witnesses who point the finger at Lohan and her assistant. So the investigation continues.

Do you follow all of that? Because I'm not sure I do.

Here's a quick tip for you, Lindsay: you are never going to get away with anything ever again. Ever. You have thoroughly torched any chance you'll have of getting the benefit of the doubt especially from the LAPD. Your flimsy stories and Ambien excuses just aren't going to cut it anymore. The truth is that you're going to have to start sucking it up and taking responsibility for your actions. Think of it this way: when authority figures are more inclined to believe Suge Knight's kid than you, you've pretty much bottomed out in terms of credibility.

Whatever deluded concept you have of your own celebrity, it's time to face facts: it's not the shield it once was. Your fame doesn't protect you anymore. You have created a world where the public is willing to believe literally anything that we hear about you. You are no longer untouchable.

Alas, poor LiLo, the time has come for you to take responsibility for your actions. A harsh lesson, perhaps, but it's time to grow up.

The Prince's new clothes

This next item is less a Slam and more of a Wrist Slap ('Celebrity Wrist Slap' doesn't have quite the same ring to it [Sweet band name, though]).

If you haven't heard, Prince Harry (he's the one who's not going to be King of England) took a recent trip to Las Vegas and got up to all kinds of shenanigans. For instance, the Prince engaged in a semi-clothed swim race against Olympian Ryan Lochte. However, the bigger faux pas came in the wee hours after that silly, but innocent dip in the pool.

Photos soon surfaced of Prince Harry engaged in all manner of naked naughtiness in a hotel suite. There was all kinds of unclothed horseplay with an assortment of equally-unclad young women. The highlight has to be the nude billiards. That's right nude billiards.

There's nothing really wrong with what Harry did especially if one subscribes to the 'What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas' mantra. His only mistake (albeit a really, really big one) was allowing his nude companions to take pictures. Come on, Harry you're royalty, dude. You have to know that there are always going to be people out there looking to make a quick buck off your image. Don't make it easier for them by letting the crown jewels dangle in the wind asking to be photographed by the first opportunistic chick to come along. You're smarter than that.

Again, it's hard to judge a dude for embracing the spirit of Sin City and having what by all appearances was an epic time. But when future debauchery rears its head, make them check their cell phones at the door. Go get em, champ.

Wednesday, 22 August 2012 12:35

Celebrity Slam - Aug. 22, 2012

Written by Allen Adams
Not necessarily news

Albert Einstein once said that the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Apparently, when it comes to driving, Amanda Bynes is certifiable.

It hasn't been a good stretch for Bynes. She was busted for DUI back in April and was involved in three, count em, three hit-and-run incidents two in May and one in the beginning of August.

Time to add another automotive mishap to the list.

According to reports, Bynes was involved in yet another accident on the night of August 20. She was driving in the San Fernando Valley around 8 pm when her rental car was rear-ended by another vehicle. The driver of the other car is claiming that Bynes made a reckless maneuver and that caused the collision. Police officers showed up, but no tickets were issued.

Wednesday, 15 August 2012 12:57

Celebrity Slam - Aug. 15, 2012

Written by Allen Adams
Cinco de drinko

If there's one thing that I've learned about the rich and famous over the years, it's that far too many of them have no grasp of the concept of drinking responsibly. Often, it's very much the opposite. A number of celebrities have appeared in this space due to their ridiculous deeds and actions while under the influence.

Still, this last one has been a big one for drunken hijinks. Let's go to the rundown, shall we?

The big one is of course Randy Travis. The country star was popped for his second DWI in six months after he crashed his car. What makes this arrest particularly spectacular is the fact that Travis was allegedly completely naked at the time he was apprehended. In addition, there's apparently security footage from a nearby convenience store that has Travis stopping to buy cigarettesalso while naked. Travis was also charged with retaliation and obstruction according to police, Travis verbally threatened an officer during his arrest.

Wednesday, 08 August 2012 14:15

Celebrity Slam - Aug. 8, 2012

Written by Allen Adams

An old-school feud

There are few things we here at Celebrity Slam enjoy more than a good old-fashioned celebrity beef. Watching the veneer drop and the claws come out is just delightful. And every once in a while, when the legends step to the plate we're talking the uberfamous - you get a really epic p---ing match.

Our sincerest thanks to Sir Elton John. In an interview recently given to an Australian television station, Mr. John took the Material Girl herself to task.

That's right he started taking shots at Madonna. You know this is going to be good.

Wednesday, 01 August 2012 13:20

Celebrity Slam - Aug. 1, 2012

Written by Allen Adams
Robsten no more?

So it looks like there's trouble brewing for Hollywood's second-favorite portmanteau (you're still number one, Brangelina!). That's right: Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are on the rocks.

Some photos came to light last week of K-Stew engaged in all kinds of naughty cheaty activity with Rupert Sanders, the older (and extremely married) director of her film 'Snow White and the Huntsman.' These pictures are the sort of smoking gun that is extremely difficult to ignore.

She should have tried.

Wednesday, 25 July 2012 13:17

Celebrity Slam - July 25, 2012

Written by Allen Adams
All in the family

One might think that the tragic death of a loved one might lead a once-fractured family unit to put aside their petty differences.

In the case of Michael Jackson's family, one would be wrong. The utter lunacy is coming pretty fast and furious at this point, so it's difficult to sort out all of the particulars.

It seems to have started on Saturday night, when Katherine Jackson Michael's mother was reported missing by one of her nephews. It turns out that she was just 'whisked away from the chaos' surrounding the family home; she was taken to Arizona to see a few of the shows on her sons' Unity Tour. Unfortunately, they didn't tell anyone, not even Michael's three children the same three children to whom Katherine serves as guardian. Nor did they tell any other family membersor the LAPD.

Thursday, 19 July 2012 09:06

Celebrity Slam - July 18, 2012

Written by Allen Adams

Fallen Idol'?

It's pretty safe to assume that every single person who reads this has heard of 'American Idol.' The Fox singing competition has been one of the most popular programs on television for the entirety of its 11-season run. It spent seven straight years from 2005 to 2011 atop the Nielsen rankings, the first show in history to achieve that feat.

That epic run may be coming to an end.

Wednesday, 11 July 2012 11:33

Celebrity Slam - July 11, 2012

Written by Tim Bissell
New Idol Judges 

I don't watch much Reality TV, and when I do, it is usually something on the cable networks. Im more of a 'Dirty Jobs' or 'Storage Wars' guy than an 'Idol' or 'DWTS' guy. This doesn't mean that I don't have opinions about those shows, however.

The buzz right now is about who the next 'American Idol' judges will be. Some are saying Charlie Sheen, some are saying Adam Lambert. The answer is plain as day. 

Look, as I said, I don't watch it, but I can tell that the show has lost its edge since Simon left. They need to fill the void with someone as abrasive and snotty as he was. Steven Tyler and J-Lo can't fill those shoes. You not only need someone who will put these budding starlets in their place, but someone who has years of experience doing so.

Tuesday, 03 July 2012 12:15

Celebrity Slam - July 4, 2012

Written by Allen Adams
Tom - Kat

Well, anyone who had 5 years, 7 months and 11 days in the TomKat Marriage Length Pool, you are the winner of a brand new set of bragging rights! That's right, Scientology's power couple has called it quits. Katie Holmes filed for divorce from Tom Cruise late last month, setting the rumor mill abuzz.

Now, I'm not going to get into the reasons for the split here, nor am I going to speculate on the rumors that Katie did this to keep Tom from sending their 6-year-old daughter Suri to an intensive Scientology institute called SeaOrg, Or that the Church was tailing Katie as of late. Nope, those are rumors that haven't been confirmed, so we, as the bastion of journalism we so clearly are, cannot in good faith report those claims.

What I am going to focus on here is the child, Suri. Sweetie, you are young, and you have your whole life ahead of you. Do yourself a favor and get interested in math or accounting or something boring like that. Just don't go into the entertainment field. America would probably love to see you be the next Miley or Lindsay, but don't give in. You are better than that.

Thursday, 21 June 2012 10:09

Celebrity Slam - June 20, 2012

Written by Allen Adams
Brown vs. Drake

I for one thought the days of the old-school beef were dead and gone. In this age of constant connection and social media, so much of the disrespect that needed to be dished out face to face can now be done instantly via the power of the internet. Hip-hop hatred has become a thing that is confined to the computer screen more often than not.

But then we get something like last week's incident between Chris Brown and Drake and we're reminded that while words can hurt, thrown bottles usually hurt more.

It all went down on the night of June 13. Brown and Drake were both in attendance at a club called W.i.P. in New York City. Specifics are sketchy everyone has a different story but the general gist seems to be that Brown's and Drake's respective entourages got into a full-on brawl in the club. Said brawl involved bottles being thrown and innocent bystanders getting swept up into (and injured by) the melee, including an Australian model and San Antonio Spurs point guard Tony Parker.

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