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Celebrity Slam (414)

Tuesday, 10 September 2013 21:52

Celebrity Slam - September 11, 2013

Written by Allen Adams

Fitness fracas

Our disdain for the 'Real Housewives' franchise has been well-documented in this space. Of course, collecting a bunch of spoiled, entitled rich people in one place and turning the cameras on has created a wonderful Petri dish of celebrity misbehaviors.

For a given value of 'celebrity,' that is.

Wednesday, 04 September 2013 09:46

Celebrity Slam - September 4, 2013

Written by Allen Adams

Chappelle's show

Any fan of comedy remembers the mind-blowing moment when they learned that Dave Chappelle walked away from his incredibly successful Comedy Central show 'Chappelle's Show' (along with a reported $50 million) back in 2005. Other than a few random appearances here and there, the comic has been largely dormant for the past five years.

This led to a good deal of excitement associated with the announcement of his return to stand-up this summer. Unfortunately, it turns out that things haven't gone quite as well as we might have hoped.

Tuesday, 27 August 2013 20:53

Celebrity Slam - August 28, 2013

Written by Allen Adams

Much ado about nothing

Every year, one of the easiest weeks in this space is inevitably the one that follows the MTV Video Music Awards. Without fail, something happens at the VMAs that warrants at least some degree of scorn and/or ridicule. So I knew that this week would be fun. I assumed that we'd get something like Lady Gaga flirting with Joseph Gordon-Levitt or Joey Fatone farting on stage during the NSync reunion (both of which apparently happened, by the way).

Instead, Miley Cyrus happened and the Internet exploded.

Tuesday, 20 August 2013 20:50

Toon Slam

Written by Katy England

So, our celebrity gossip columnist and writer-extraordinaire is on vacation. And I'm left to fill in his gossip column shoes, which are large. But, since having kids I've had a hard time keeping tabs on the lives of the rich and famous, but a much easier time keeping tabs of the lives* of cartoon characters and puppets. So here you go.

Big Bird and Snuffleupagus have falling out

Tuesday, 13 August 2013 19:45

Celebrity Slam - August 14, 2013

Written by Allen Adams

Plane stupid

There's something about air travel that can bring out the absolute worst in a celebrity. It's like part of their brain shuts off and they're literally unable to comprehend the possibility that there are rules that apply to, like, everybody and not just us lowly common folk.

This week's offender is hip-hop artist Soulja Boy.

Wednesday, 07 August 2013 23:09

Celebrity Slam - August 7, 2013

Written by Allen Adams

In this day of 24/7 celebrity media coverage, it's easy to think that we're living in the wildest time to be rich and famous. We hear about all of the over-the-top, entitled, reckless behaviors that go along with 21st century fame, so we sometimes forget that no matter how weird and wild things are today, there are some stories from the past that put them all to shame.

Actress Shirley Jones perhaps best known for playing the matriarch of TV's 'The Partridge Family' back in the day has a new memoir. Since she was in her heyday during the 60s and 70s, it seemed to make sense that there would be some pretty racy stuff.

 

Thursday, 01 August 2013 09:05

Celebrity Slam - July 31, 2013

Written by Allen Adams

Don't spit into the wind

Our disdain for Justin Bieber is no secret. We've spent a lot of time taking shots at the pop idol, and while it might seem like we pile on the kid, the truth is that he simply makes it so easy. We're huge proponents of low-hanging fruit here at Celebrity Slam, after all; if a celebrity especially one as uberfamous as Bieber continuously pulls stupid crap that makes him or her look like a moron and/or d-bag, it's our sworn duty to run with it.

And so we're back to the Biebs once again this week.

Wednesday, 24 July 2013 15:43

Celebrity Slam - July 24, 2013

Written by Allen Adams

Meanwhile, in the West

In case you haven't heard, Kanye West doesn't like the paparazzi. Like, really doesn't like them. He has made his displeasure known very vocally on a number of occasions recently. Long story short, he's not a fan.

Unfortunately, Mr. West took things a little too far and went to the realm of the physical.

It all went down at LAX on Friday. According to reports, Kanye was passing through a group of photographers and turned to address one of them, saying 'What you're trying to do is get me in trouble, so I step out and have to pay you like $250,000.' Apparently, he convinced himself that it was worth it, because he then ran toward the photographer and attempted to grab the camera, both men sinking to the ground.

The photographer reported the incident to police before being transported to a hospital for medical attention. The photographer also reportedly wants to press charges; the police are referring the case to the district attorney's office as a felony attempted robbery.

Oh Kanye. You stupid, stupid man.

You have to know that you can't, absolutely cannot put your hands on any of these guys. You've made your feelings about them clear, and they're understandable. You want a moment's peace from the flashbulbs it makes sense. Unfortunately, you live in a world where if they want to take your picture in the airport, they can do that. It's probably infuriating, but that's the way it is.

And for you to actually acknowledge that you felt baited into a confrontation immediately before engaging in said confrontation? That just shows you to be either incredibly impulsive or flat-out dumb. You had to know that no matter what happened, that guy was going to do his best to punish you for it. You know they're scumbags, man why would you engage on that level?

And just for future reference attacking a cameraman is rarely the right answer.

One weird week

Things just keep getting crazier when it comes to Amanda Bynes. The actress/erstwhile rapper/ongoing trainwreck has been getting up to more lunacy than ever lately. 

It started when Bynes wreaked havoc on a Ritz-Carlton in New York City last week. It started from the get-go. Bynes apparently took umbrage with the front desk clerk, telling the woman that she was 'too ugly' to check her in and offering the services of her plastic surgeon, reducing the clerk to tears. According to hotel staff, Bynes then proceeded to smoke pot in her room every day while she was there, despite repeated warnings to abstain. 

It got so bad that the hotel reportedly booted her from the premises several hours before her scheduled checkout. For her part, Bynes insists that there was no weed smoking and that she left the hotel voluntarily.

Sure she did.

But the weirdness came to a head in California. Authorities were called to a Thousand Oaks retirement community when an allegedly drunk Bynes tried to get in, but was turned away as a trespasser. They did call her a cab, but she quickly got kicked out of it when she told the driver that she didn't have any money. She then returned to the retirement community, which is when authorities were called.

The very next night, the fire department responded to a report at a different Thousand Oaks home where they found Bynes standing next to a small fire that she apparently built in the home's driveway. The sheriff's department was called and after questioning Bynes, they took her into custody.

It has been a while since we've been subjected to a full-on celebrity meltdown. Britney Spears gave us a good one a few years back and we actually had to institute a Lindsay Lohan moratorium in this space due to all the crap she got up to, but there hasn't really been anyone else up to their level. Until now.

How has no one reined this woman in yet? She's behaving like an absolute lunatic. Insulting hotel workers? Breaking into retirement communities? Setting fires in random driveways? It's like she's trying to fill out some sort of nutjob bingo card. It's the kind of quickly escalating crazy that defies analysis; this is clearly a woman who is capable of anything at any time.

It's hard to think of a recent celebrity week that was anywhere close to this one in terms of sheer weirdness. While we certainly enjoy the insanity of building a random driveway campfire, you have to hope that this is the zenith (or nadir) of the Bynes Batst Bell Curve.

Wednesday, 17 July 2013 14:14

Celebrity Slam - July 17, 2013

Written by Allen Adams

Not-quite-forbidden love

You would think that after so many years spent manning this space every week, it would be impossible for the behaviors of celebrities to really surprise us. But thanks to the late Whitney Houston's daughter Bobbi Kristina, we now know that such surprises are still very much a possibility.

Creepy, unsettling surprises.

Thursday, 11 July 2013 08:52

Celebrity Slam - July 10, 2013

Written by Allen Adams

Bigot Brother

The key to reality television success is controversy. These programs are built on a foundation of conflict; the more inflammatory you are, the more titillating you are. And titillation equals ratings. It has been that way since the beginning, and as more and more unscripted shows dot the TV landscape, the degradation of people's behavior increases exponentially.

However, we may have reached a tipping point.

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