Celebrity Slam (405)

Tuesday, 05 November 2019 11:53

Celebrity Slam - Car trouble

Written by Allen Adams

It may seem like there’s no real rhyme or reason to the way we put things together here at Celebrity Slam, but rest assured – we have a plan. It might not be a thoughtful plan or even a particularly good plan, but it is a plan.

It’s a fairly simple formula, honestly – the severity of the offense is inversely proportional to the fame of the offender. Basically, it means that the more famous a person is, the less outlandish what they said/did needs to be to warrant our notice. However, this means that the reverse is also true – for a person of relatively little fame to capture our attention, their offense has to be really big and/or weird.

If you see someone who isn’t a household name in this space, you better believe that something REALLY strange has gone down.

Guess what you’re getting this week?

Tuesday, 29 October 2019 10:17

Celebrity Slam - Wasted Winchester

Written by Allen Adams

Few things make us happier here at Celebrity Slam than a famous person really going for the full big-time experience. They don’t HAVE to say the exact words “Don’t you know who I am?” for us to love it … but it doesn’t hurt.

Our latest entry in this long (LONG) history of celebrity jackholes is Jared Padelecki, one of the stars of the inexplicably long-running CW show “Supernatural” – seriously, this show is so old that it debuted on the WB. But we’re not here to argue the relative merits of Padalecki playing demon-hunting heartthrob Sam Winchester for 14 seasons.

No, we’re here to talk about him getting wasted and fighting folks and, yes, getting up to a little big-timing.

Tuesday, 22 October 2019 13:06

Celebrity Slam - J-Lawfully wedded wife

Written by Allen Adams

Obviously, our mission here at Celebrity Slam is to hold forth about our favorite famous folks, hitting them with all the derision and mockery that we can come up with. It’s why this feature exists, and it’s a job we take very seriously.

However, regular readers of this space know that we aren’t ALWAYS making fun of famous people. Sometimes, we go out of our way to celebrate their love – y’all know we love us some celebrity couple portmanteaux.

And sometimes, well … sometimes we get the rare privilege of doing both.

Tuesday, 15 October 2019 20:16

Celebrity Slam - T-Swift's banned banner

Written by Allen Adams

We’ve had a whole lot of fun at Taylor Swift’s expense in this space over the years. It comes with the territory when you’re as ultra-famous as she is – people are going to take swings. For the most part, our jabs at T-Swift have been gentle one; mostly, we just like to tease her about her choices of boyfriend. Anyone remember Hiddleswift? Because that was a thing for five minutes a few years back.

Yeah – you forgot. But it happened.

This week, we’ll be gently teasing Taylor once again. But it has nothing to do with her relationships. This time, it’s all about … hockey?

*checks notes*

Yep. Hockey.

Tuesday, 08 October 2019 13:51

Celebrity Slam - ABG DQ

Written by Allen Adams

The title of this feature is “Celebrity Slam,” right? But here’s the thing: while the majority of the items included in this space involve people who are REALLY famous – movie stars and hip-hop moguls and top-tier athletes and what have you – we also have plenty of time for those celebrities who live their lives a few rungs farther down that particular ladder.

That’s where we find the reality TV grifters and the YouTubers and the faded child stars and the boy band castoffs – people who are definitely celebrities, but whose listing is a bit closer to the end of the alphabet than the beginning. And while you might not always know who these people are, if they make it into this space, you can rest assured that who they are matters a heck of a lot less than what they did.

So now we talk about the Angry Bagel Guy. Not sure who that is? That’s fine – you’re better off.

Tuesday, 01 October 2019 15:39

Celebrity Slam - 6ix9nine snitches

Written by Allen Adams

It’s no secret that we get a lot of mileage out of beefs here at Celebrity Slam. These sorts of celebrity feuds are great fun for us to explore, scorning and mocking the nonsense spouted from famous people of all stripes.

But sometimes, we get something that allows us to dig a little deeper. We get someone who is fully committed to being as big a jerk as possible. Whatever the reasons behind their behavior, there’s a lot of joy to be derived from them.

And every once in a while, we get a REALLY good one.

For those who are unaware, hip-hop artist Tekashi 6ix9ine (yes, that’s how he spells his name) has been dealing with the repercussions of his purported gang affiliations. His method of dealing with that has been essentially to name names, outing a number of fellow artists – including notables like Cardi B and Jim Jones – and spelling out their specific affiliations.

The majority of our time here at Celebrity Slam is spent making fun of famous people for saying and doing stupid things. Well – that and beefs and relationship portmanteaux, of course.

But every once in a while, an item comes along that reminds us of just how far afield things can go. Here’s the thing: while there are plenty of strange famous people out there, there are a handful who are outright weirdoes. People who would be weird under any circumstances but who have been rendered particularly odd by their career paths and such.

This brings us to Terrence Howard.

Wednesday, 18 September 2019 08:34

Celebrity Slam - So long, Shane Gillis

Written by Allen Adams

There are weeks when this feature essentially writes itself. Something ridiculous is said or done by/happens to an incredibly famous person and we’re off to the races. Maybe there’s an incongruous and surprising Twitter beef. Maybe a celebrity couple makes it official. Whatever – it happens a lot.

But then there are the weeks – much more infrequent – where we’re left to decide whether or not we want to cover a particular story. For whatever reason, it isn’t necessarily an item that really demands that we cover it. It’s too complicated or too serious or too … something.

So we weren’t sure that we were going to weigh in on the whole Shane Gillis thing. But hey – nothing else presented itself, so we’re just going to go ahead and wade in. Wish us luck.

Tuesday, 10 September 2019 17:14

Celebrity Slam - Fly the unfriendly skies

Written by Allen Adams

Anyone that spends any time with us in this space knows how much we love it when famous folks misbehave. It’s our whole raison d’etre, you know? Of course, there are different sorts of celebrity shenanigans, an assortment of subgenres that each have their own appeal.

For instance, there’s Twitter beef, which is itself a subcategory of regular beef – you know we love famous feuds here at Celebrity Slam. Or “Don’t you know who I am?” outbursts – those are really great, particularly when you deal with that particular brand that involves someone no longer famous enough to credibly ask that question in a vacuum.

This week, we’re going to discuss another beloved subgenre – celebrities misbehaving in airports. But while we usually take great delight in this actor or that musician doing something stupid while waiting for or on-board a plane (usually involving booze and/or inappropriate urination), this week’s item is going to focus on someone who may well have been unfairly maligned (THIS time).

It involves Bobby Brown drunk on a plane, but the payoff isn’t nearly what you’d think.

Wednesday, 04 September 2019 10:57

Celebrity Slam - Fetty whoop ass

Written by Allen Adams

We’re going to be up front with you right from the get-go – this isn’t necessarily a banner week for Celebrity Slam. For whatever reason, this cycle has been pretty light on the sorts of things that we tend to really dig into in this space. Even the VMAs – usually such a reliable source for Slammable stories – failed to deliver this year.

We understand that you have high standards with regards to the idiocy that we cover here, but the truth is that it was slim pickings. You come to us in search of precious gems.

What you get – at least this week – is Fetty Wap punching some dudes in Vegas.

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