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Celebrity Slam - Urine trouble now!

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Anyone who reads this space with regularity knows that the act of selecting items is as much art as science. We’re not generally bound by specific rules, but there are some general precepts within which we try to operate.

One of the biggest ones is the rule of inverse proportionality. Basically, it boils down thusly: the less famous a person is, the more ridiculous/outlandish/offensive their words and/or deeds need to be to merit inclusion here, and vice versa. A-listers need only make a minor misstep to be considered here, while less well-known figures really have to make a mess of things to make the cut.

This week’s item features someone fairly low on the fame ladder, which means that they’ve made a pretty big mess. Literally.

We’re talking about Sophia Urista, lead singer of the band Brass Against, soooo … yeah. It’s a lot.

It all went down at the Welcome to Rockville music festival in Daytona Beach. The band – noted for their brass-band covers of alt-rock and metal artists like Tool, Soundgarden and Black Sabbath among others (including one we’ll talk about soon) – was in the middle of their set when Urista started talking about having to use the bathroom.

The singer mentioned her need to pee several times over the course of the set, but rather than pausing the set to go or simply holding it, Urista had another idea, apparently inspired by seeing a man in the audience with a beer can on his head.

“Get my man with the can on his head ready, ’cause we’re going to bring him onstage and I’ma p--s in this m-----f----r’s mouth,” she said. “I gotta pee and I can’t make it to the bathroom. So we might as well make a show out of it.” 

And then, as a grizzled biker dude laid on the stage beneath her, Sophia Urista let ‘er rip while continuing to belt out the lyrics to the band’s cover of Rage Against the Machine’s “Wake Up.”

Yep – she peed all over that guy’s face.

After the fact, the band took to Twitter to share their … feelings … about the situation.

“We’re still processing… this was profoundly unexpected.” They followed that up with “We had a great time last night at Welcome To Rockville. Sophia got carried away. That’s not something the rest of us expected, and it’s not something you’ll see again at our shows. Thanks for bringing it last night, Daytona.”

There’s a lot to unpack here, obviously.

Look – for the lead singer of a band built entirely around brass-band covers of rock songs to make it into this space, you knew it had to be something pretty big. And you better believe this is pretty big.

This isn’t someone peeing their pants on stage (although that would be hilarious) or simply dropping trou and letting rip (although that would ALSO be hilarious). This is the singer of a band, mid-performance, inviting someone from the crowd up on stage specifically for the purposes of peeing on them.

Real talk – that is metal AF.

The band made a few attempts at addressing the situation as people tagged them on social media – our personal favorite is when someone made a reference to someone having to clean up the mess and the band responded that Sophia actually cleaned it up after the band’s set. Now, we don’t know if that is actually true, but we sure are delighted at the thought of it.

Look, we’re not going to sit (or squat) in judgment of someone who really had to go and didn’t think things through. We’ve all been there, stuck in a situation that doesn’t allow us to go when we really need to go. Granted, most of us would either try to hold it or find an out-of-the-way spot to do our business, rather than invite a stranger to serve as our pee target. Still, urination is not myination, if you catch our drift.

Apparently, Brass Against is preparing for a European (heh – You’re-a-peein’) tour opening for Tool, so this story will likely be flushed away and forgotten. That said, there’s really only one way to describe this whole sordid, sodden affair.

Un-pee-lievable.

Last modified on Tuesday, 16 November 2021 08:12

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