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Celebrity Slam - Terrence Howard and the flower of life

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The majority of our time here at Celebrity Slam is spent making fun of famous people for saying and doing stupid things. Well – that and beefs and relationship portmanteaux, of course.

But every once in a while, an item comes along that reminds us of just how far afield things can go. Here’s the thing: while there are plenty of strange famous people out there, there are a handful who are outright weirdoes. People who would be weird under any circumstances but who have been rendered particularly odd by their career paths and such.

This brings us to Terrence Howard.

You might already know about Howard’s weirdness – he gave an interview to Rolling Stone a few years back where he basically denied that one times one was one, claiming that it was actually two and that the fundamentals of math weren’t actually real. It was the sort of stuff that a stoned math undergrad might scribble in a notebook one night, only to read it the next day and chuckle in wonder at how TOTALLY HIGH they were the night before.

Only Howard thinks he’s right.

We know this because he went back at it during a just spectacular red-carpet interview ahead of the Emmys this weekend. Seriously, do yourself a favor and watch it because wow – it is staggering. That said, we’re definitely going to give you some of the good stuff because this is solid gold.

Here’s a good one:

“I was able to open up the flower of life and find the real wave conjugations that we’ve been looking for, for 10,000 years. Why would I continue walking on water for tips when I’ve got an entire generation to teach a whole new world?”

This is amazing as well:

“All energy in the universe is expressed in motion, all motion is expressed in waves, all waves are curved, so where does the straight lines come from to make the platonic solids? There are no straight lines. So, when I took the flower of life and opened it properly, I found a whole new world of wave conjugations that expose the in-between spaces that…it’s the thing that holds us all together.”

Does he have a mission? YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT:

“[My mission]to prove that gravity is only an effect, not a force. I’m putting something on YouTube where I will build the planet Saturn without gravity—and build the Milky Way Galaxy without gravity.”

Right? We’ll give you a minute to sit with all of that.

(pause)

We good? Because holy crap is there a lot to unpack here. Let’s work our way through, shall we?

Now, we’re not going to presume to know what the flower of life is, nor do we have any clue as to how one would go about opening it. However, we do find it unlikely that one would open said flower to discover real wave conjugations which … like … what does that mean, even? And then to (maybe?) refer to acting as “walking on water for tips” before threatening to share this nonsense with the world at large. Amazing.

Honestly, in this day and age, we see a lot of different weird niche ideas coming to fruition out there on the internet. There are a lot of deniers out there of various things, but we have to admit that “straight line denier” is a new one on us. He found the in-between spaces, guys!

This really bears repeating: TERRENCE HOWARD DOESN’T BELIEVE IN STRAIGHT LINES BECAUSE THE FLOWER OF LIFE TOLD HIM THEY AREN’T REAL.

And of course, the mission to prove that gravity is only an effect, not a force, which, at this point, sure, why the hell not, Terrence? Build Saturn without gravity. Build the Milky Way without gravity. And put it all on YouTube, because how else will the young people see it?

This is glorious lunacy of the sort that we only rarely get to see from our celebrities. And it’s usually coming from fringe types – your Randy Quaids and the like – but Terrence Howard is still kind of a big deal. He’s the lead on a network drama, he makes movies – heck, he’s getting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame next week. Even so, he’s unafraid to let his freak flag fly.

You be you, Terrence. Stay weird.

Last modified on Tuesday, 24 September 2019 12:03

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