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Celebrity Slam - Space Cruise

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Look, we’re not perfect here at Celebrity Slam. There’s a LOT of nonsense out there and sometimes something will get by us. We occasionally will get it into our head that a specific story is THE story for a particular week and then that’s that. Plus, we were bi-weekly there for a stretch, so it only stands to reason that an item could potentially slip through the cracks.

All this is a long-winded way of explaining why we’re going back a bit for this week’s item. Ordinarily, we wouldn’t worry about it, but things have been relatively quiet over the past few days and we are delighted by this story. Frankly, we’re a little disappointed in ourselves that we let it escape our notice.

So yeah – Tom Cruise is going to space.

The news dropped late last month that Cruise, in cooperation with NASA and Elon Musk’s SpaceX, would be heading up to the International Space Station in October of 2021. Cruise would be joined by director and collaborator Doug Liman for what will be the first feature film shot in space.

The plan is apparently to film an action-adventure movie on the space station, though everyone involved has taken great pains to ensure us that it is NOT an entry into the “Mission: Impossible” franchise. Cruise and Liman will hop onto the Axiom SpaceX Crew Dragon capsule and make their way up into orbit approximately one year from now.

To be clear, if all things go according to plan, one year from right now, Tom Cruise will BE IN SPACE.

Now, it is a long-standing belief here at Celebrity Slam that Tom Cruise is an absolute lunatic. This is a man who is so achingly desperate for our love that he will willingly put his safety on the line in an effort to show us just how hard he cares. Climb the side of the world’s tallest skyscraper? Sure. Attach yourself to the outside of an airplane that is taking off? Why not? Leap from rooftop to rooftop, shattering your ankle and then FINISHING THE SCENE? Obvi.

This is some next level stuff, however. This is a degree of mad-eyed commitment to self-endangerment that we’ve never really seen from Cruise. And yes, we know, there are certainly long lists of effective safety protocols in place with regard to space travel. And yes, space tourism is on the verge of becoming an actual thing. We get it. It’s not some sort of … impossible … mission.

(See what we did there?)

But lest we forget, this is Tom Cruise we’re talking about. You can’t tell us that he’s not at least considering ways in which he might be able to, oh, get outside or something. Sure, NASA is probably on the ball, but do you really trust Elon Musk and his guys to tell him no? All it takes is one person looking away for a minute and the next thing you know, one of America’s last true movie stars is explosively decompressing all over the ISS. If nothing else, that’s going to be an absolute b—ch to clean up.

Look, all joking aside, we love Tom Cruise. We love his movies (well, most of them - looking at you, “Jack Reacher”). We love his desire to do right by the fans, as maniacally misguided as it may be. And there’s no disputing that there’s something very cool about the idea of being that kind of cinematic pioneer – first movie filmed in space is a legitimate milestone, albeit a kind of unnecessary one. We’re just not sure if the responsible thing to do is to send ANY actor into space. Perhaps now isn’t the time to be launching cinematic icons into orbit, is all we’re saying.

But hey – a year is a long time. Heck, think about where you were a year ago. We’re betting things are a little different today. A lot can change over the course of 12 months – it remains to be seen whether this actually happens or if it’s just another forgotten publicity moment. Whatever. You do you, Tom Cruise – keep reaching for the stars.

Hell, maybe you’ll run into Xenu.

Last modified on Wednesday, 21 October 2020 06:39


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