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Celebrity Slam - Rising to the occasion

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Our favorite stories here at Celebrity Slam are the ones where it’s easy to have fun. Some items require a degree of delicacy when we address them, simply because while we certainly take pleasure in the scorn and mockery of famous folks, we also don’t want to cross any lines. We’re all for hurting your pride, but we don’t necessarily want to hurt your feelings.

That’s why we love it when a story like this next one pops up. It is ridiculous and easy to laugh at, but the target is someone who not only wouldn’t be hurt, they flat-out wouldn’t care. This one isn’t for them – it’s for us.

Let’s talk about Spike Lee’s next project, shall we?

Spike is one of the greatest filmmakers of his generation, one of the best that America has ever produced. If there’s a pantheon of American directors, he’s in it; if there’s a Rushmore, he’s on it. He’s finally gotten his Oscar, though his body of work remains woefully underrepresented in the glitzy Hollywood awards realm (he’s probably got a shot for this year’s “Da 5 Bloods,” so we’ll see).

Again – iconic. So you’d imagine that his next project would be something pretty impressive, to follow the one-two 2020 punch of “Da 5 Bloods” and “American Utopia,” the movie version of David Byrne’s stage show of the same name that Lee directed and that just might be one of the five best concert films ever made.

Or, you know – a musical about Viagra. Yes, we’re serious.

We’ll be honest here. You could have given us a hundred guesses, a thousand, a MILLION and we wouldn’t have landed on that. It’s such a bizarrely left-field choice. But hell, we wouldn’t have guessed he’d team up with the dude from Talking Heads and that was one of the best movies we saw all year, so what the hell do we know?

According to early reports, Spike co-wrote the as-yet-unnamed script based on the hilariously-named 2018 Esquire article “All Rise.” The original songs and music will be handled by Stew and Heidi Rodewald, the duo behind the 2008 Tony-winning musical “Passing Strange” – it’s not the pair’s first collaboration with Spike, who filmed the show as a movie that was released in 2009.

This. Is. AWESOME.

Do you ever have those moments where you didn’t know something existed, but the second you knew it was a thing you had never wanted anything so badly in your entire life? That’s where we are with Spike Lee’s Viagra movie musical. Honestly, all we want to do is sit here and try to come up with ridiculous titles for the thing.

(“Pfizer in the Hole.” “American Uprising.” “Hard to Beat.” And those are just off the tops of our heads!)

Look, we’re having some fun at Spike’s expense, but can you imagine being so confident in your talents and reputation that you’re willing to follow up an exceptional Vietnam movie and an elite concert film with a movie musical about boner pills? That is swagger to a degree that it can’t even be measured. That’s swagger you can see from space. Oh, and just by the way – according to the statement he made accompanying the announcement, the dude doesn’t even like musicals! Such an unbelievable flex.

(“Little Blue Thrill.” “Personal Growth.” “Stiff Competition.” Yes, some of these could double as bad porn titles, but still – gold! All of it!)

And here’s the thing – this movie is going to be great. Spike doesn’t make bad movies. Even his misfires are pretty good movies; they’d be highlights if a mere mortal had made them. Obviously, Spike knows what he’s doing, but even he would have to admit that on the surface, this sure seems like a crazy idea. Makes you wonder what sorts of ideas he DOESN’T decide to do. Probably the story of Cialis or something. Ultimately, we’ll have to wait and see if this thing actually gets made, but it sure does seem like he’s got all the parts in place to really stand tall and get things moving.

Just remember, Spike – if the film lasts for more than four hours, you should call your physician immediately.

Last modified on Wednesday, 25 November 2020 08:00

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