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Celebrity Slam - Pippi versus the porn star

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One of the many weird side effects of our celebrity-obsessed pop culture is the bubbling up of bizarre cottage industries revolving around people on the fringes of fame being willing to say and do almost anything to maintain any kind of spotlight. Their thirst to be known is unquenchable, their capacity to sacrifice dignity nigh-infinite.

That’s why something like celebrity boxing exists. What better way to get attention than by agreeing to throw punches at another has-been or barely-was? It is crude and exploitative, but hey – any attention is good attention, right?

Take Celebrity Boxing, a promotion run by a kinda shady dude named Damon Feldman wherein D-listers sign on to whale on each other for the delight of … well, we don’t really know WHO this kind of thing delights, but they apparently exist, so there you go.

Feldman’s latest fight is a weird match even by the already bizarre standards of Celebrity Boxing. In one corner, we have Mary Carey, noted porn star and spotlight hound. In the other, we have Tami Erin, whose main claim to fame is playing the titular role in 1988’s “The New Adventures of Pippi Longstocking.”

That’s right – it’s Pippi versus the porn star. The bout is scheduled to go down on April 18, at a Miami strip joint called – and we swear this is true – The Booby Trap.

(Fun aside: This is the same club where rapper Offset started throwing flying punches because somebody sprayed champagne on Cardi B, so you know they are ready for some fisticuffs.)

We’ll see if the fight actually happens – there has been a recent spate of last-minute bailouts by participants in this particular promotion. Obviously, we’re all disappointed that we didn’t get to see throwdowns by such luminaries as “Teen Mom”-turned-porn star Farrah Abraham, former MLB outfielder/current lunatic Lenny Dykstra and the inexplicable Angry Bagel Guy, so we can only hope that this latest bout takes place.

It speaks volumes of where we are in pop culture that this is something that is happening. Granted, the only reason that we’re talking about it here is that Oscars week tends to be pretty slow, as the really famous folks are usually on their best behavior. But regardless of the reason, we ARE talking about it.

(Note: The other big celebrity story right now involves the unfortunate situation currently bubbling between Snoop Dogg and Gayle King. It’s pretty ugly, and while the circumstances may change with new information, as of now it is gross and not at all funny, so we’re taking a pass.)

Far be it from us to tell people how they should choose to make a living – that’s not really our style. However, making fun of them and mocking them for the choices that they make? That most certainly is our style, and we’re proud of that fact.

In a lot of ways, Mary Carey is almost the ideal participant in this sort of deal, the type of celebrity for whom Celebrity Boxing is designed. She has proven herself willing to say or do just about anything to get people to pay attention to her, no matter how desperate seeming.

(As an aside, we are not including her work in the porn industry in that statement. We’re not here to moralize to anyone; porn actors are doing a job and don’t deserve to be scorned for choosing the work that they do. This is about all the other stuff that Carey does in a misguided attempt to cling to fame.)

The real question is Erin, who … well, let’s be honest – we have a TON of questions. Like, how many people did they ask before they got to Pippi Longstocking? There’s no way she was at the top of the list, right? Good on her for landing a payday, but it’s just such a weird confluence of circumstances that you have to wonder how it all went down.

Look, we’re not proud that we’re here writing 700 words about a porn star fighting Pippi Longstocking at a Miami strip club, but here we are. Ours is a noble calling here at Celebrity Slam. We don’t always choose the stories we tell. Sometimes, they choose us.

Last modified on Tuesday, 11 February 2020 05:58

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