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Celebrity Slam - Pete and Kate step out

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We like to keep things light here at Celebrity Slam. There are some pretty dark stories out there in the celebrity sphere right now, dominating the conversation in a lot of ways. We’re not going to be talking about those stories; there are certain things we have no interest in mocking.

But you know what we do like? Celebrity couple portmanteaus!

This week’s entry into the namespace is the newly-minted coupling of Pete Davidson and Kate Beckinsale, who have been the subject of rumors over the past few weeks with regards to a possible romance blossoming between the two. They recently made it public (via PDA during a New York Rangers hockey game, because of course they did) and so we’re off to the races.

Having Pete Davidson back so soon after the collapse of his relationship with Ariana Grande is weird – we miss Grandson – but we all deal with that sort of stuff differently, so who are we to judge? Meanwhile, Beckinsale seems to be making a departure in partner – she was in long-term relationships with actor Michael Sheen and director Len Wiseman, divorcing the latter in 2016.

By all accounts, the still-budding relationship is growing nicely. Sources close to both are indicating that while things are moving somewhat slowly, they seem to be going somewhere.

(We’ll get to our misgivings about all of this at the end. For now – portmanteau!)

First things first, we’re clearly ditching the first names. Pete and Kate would be bad enough matched up with something more interesting, but together they’re just blah. They might as well be the same. There’s no combining those with each other, and bringing them together with the last names won’t work because the longer, more interesting last name will swallow up the first name (though I must say, while “Kavidson” is quite bad, I secretly don’t hate “Peckinsale”).

And so, that brings us to the last-name combo, although did you really expect us to land anywhere else?

Davidson and Beckinsale have some advantages – their length, similar scansion – and so welding them together is relatively easy. “Davidsale” is intriguing in its way, but ultimately it doesn’t really convey the kind of vibe you want from a good celebrity portmanteau. And so, we believe that the best choice – the only choice – is “Beckinson.” Rolls off the tongue, puts the relationship dynamic in proper perspective, checks all the boxes.

Long live Beckinson!

We kid of course, because there’s NO WAY this relationship has anything remotely resembling staying power. People thought Davidson with Grande didn’t make sense? This here is some out of left field nonsense that feels like it was invented by someone playing Famous Person Mad Libs.

First things first – we have to admit that we don’t really get Pete Davidson. He’s a decent comedian/not-great SNL cast member whose whole bit is about how important weed is to him. And he’s got an odd look about him; he’s not unattractive, but he comes off as having been assembled just a touch too hastily.

Now, we’re not here to judge (actually, that’s not true, we totally ARE here to judge, but we’re choosing not to right now), but one has to wonder what might attract a woman like Kate Beckinsale to a dude like Davidson. She’s lived so much more of a life than he has; it’s not that May-December romances can’t work, but this one would seem to lack certain contexts.

Of course, this could be as simple as Kate Beckinsale digging the gangly bro vibe and just wanting to have some laughs for a little while. And maybe Pete Davidson is looking to go in a different direction after the extreme online-ness of his previous relationship. Yes, the whole thing looks very weird, but sometimes weird is precisely what a person wants and needs.

So while we can’t pretend to understand the circumstances under which a relationship like this one could possibly work, we’re also not on the inside. There’s a lot about this – and really, all relationships, celebrity or otherwise – that we simply don’t know, so while we do love idle speculation, we’re well aware that that is all it is. Speculation. And since we’re speculating?

Long live Beckinson!  

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