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Celebrity Slam - On and Offset

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It’s tough not to fall into a rut when you work on a weekly feature such as this one. Sure, we continue to take great pleasure in mocking the famous and celebrating celebrity relationships with newly-minted portmanteaus – who wouldn’t?

But while we love it, we still worry about getting overly wrapped up in the standard “same old, same old” business. That’s why we take great pleasure when one of our celebrities winds up giving us something we don’t often see.

This time around, we’ve got just that, an unconventional Celebrity Slam courtesy of rapper Offset. Why is it unconventional, you ask? Because it’s a true rarity – a twofer. Two Slammable happenings – one where he warrants a Slam, another where he is the object of someone else’s Slam.

We’ll start with what Offset did himself to get mentioned here.

First, let’s congratulate him and Cardi B for apparently working through their marital difficulties and trying to make a go of it. Relationships between famous folks are hard and too many celebs seem willing to give up at the earliest sign of trouble, so kudos to them.

However, Offset’s choice to use a rather intimate moment from their lives together as a promotional tool seems like a questionable one. What did he do, you ask?

Well, it appears that he used actual footage of Cardi B in the delivery room giving birth to their baby Kulture to promote the upcoming release. Like, actual footage of her in labor – with the punchline being a stunned, shell-shocked Offset standing agape in the corner of the room. One assumes that he got permission from Cardi B to use that footage, but … wow. Just wow.

Meanwhile, on the flip side of things, Offset was the subject of an angry outburst from anthropomorphized garbage heap Chris Brown that led to a tremendous self-own by the morally reprehensible singer. The two are beefing for reasons that frankly don’t matter here.

Anyway, in the course of taking that beef to social media, Brown decided to show how hard he was by challenging Offset to come fight him. He wanted it so bad that he gave Offset directions, which he did by posing his home address to Instagram – and all 50 million-plus of his (apparently-fascinated-by-trash-humans) followers.

That’s right, the dude posted his actual home address on the internet. Moron.

So – let’s dig in, shall we?

First, Offset’s own offense. It takes a special kind of self-importance to coopt the birth of your child to sell records, yet he seems to have done so with little concern. This despite the fact that he and Cardi B have only just recently reconciled after a lengthy period of personal tumult. It makes one wonder just what the dude’s motivations might be – they certainly don’t seem to have much to do with the privacy or general well-being of his wife or his daughter. It’s just such a weirdly invasive stunt to pull and makes Offset out to be a jerk.

On the other hand, he’s also gotten under the skin of Chris Brown in a major way – all through little more than a few dismissive social media posts – so it’s tough to see him as all bad. If Offset is the reason that Brown drew a map to his house for all the weirdos and crazies out there to follow, well … that’s pretty great. All we can do is hope that a steady parade of lunatics will continuously waltz up to Brown’s front door and ring the bell, day after day and night after night. Fingers crossed.

So yeah – a twofer. We don’t see many of those around here. And there’s a lovely juxtaposition to it all, what with Offset serving as subject in one and object in the other. Yes, the whole birth video thing reeks of opportunism and selfishness; there’s no question that it’s kind of a disrespectful d-bag maneuver. To be honest, we’re still questioning whether Cardi B should have taken him back. Then again, Chris Brown is a repugnant compost pile of a person who has shown again and again how vile he is. And if your actions stick it to that kind of scumbag, well … for now, you get a pass.

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