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Celebrity Slam - NASCAR CEO DUI

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We’re not all that fussy here at Celebrity Slam. We’re not interested in limiting our reach with regards to who we focus on with our taunting and teasing. We don’t care WHY you’re famous, nor do we really give a crap about HOW famous you are. If you operate in the public eye in the entertainment realm, then you are fair game for us.

The previous paragraph is a long-winded way of explaining how our current subject wound up here. As you can see from this week’s title, our story features a whole lot of letters. And left turns.

Brian France is the chairman and CEO of NASCAR, a position that makes him one of the most powerful people in American professional sports. He is doubtless a BFD in most of the circles in which he travels. Such a BFD, in fact, that he thought he was going to be able to get away with driving drunk in the Hamptons.

But here’s the thing – the police in the Hamptons aren’t even a little impressed by how famous you are.

According to police reports, France was initially pulled over at around 7:30 p.m. on Aug. 5 after blowing through a stop sign in the town of Sag Harbor. He was pulled over and suspected to be intoxicated, so he was put through the standard battery of field sobriety tests – tests he categorically bombed.

Apparently, his blood alcohol level was more than twice the legal limit; as an added bonus, when he was searched, officers turned up a number of oxycodone pills.

Obviously, France was busted and knew he was busted and so submitted to arrest without complaint, right?

Ha! No! He went full-blown “Do you know who I am?” and dropped as many names as he possibly could as he was taken to jail and booked on DUI and possession charges. Seriously – it was a who’s who of France’s BFD Rolodex, up to and including the President himself. Not that it kept him out of jail.

Let’s start with the hilarious irony that the CEO of NASCAR is out there making terrible decisions behind the wheel of a motor vehicle. Like, your ENTIRE LIVELIHOOD is built around dudes driving cars. There is literally no professional sports leader out there whose brand would be more thoroughly damaged by a drunk driving incident than you. And yet, off you go, running stop signs in the Hamptons.

And let’s talk about that for a second – what kind of moron drives drunk in the Hamptons? Yes, we know – it’s the playground of the rich and famous and whatever. You might think that would mean that said rich and famous folks would get away with stuff. And they almost certainly do get away with most of their uber-wealthy shenanigans.

But not drunk driving.

We can only assume that fines for moving violations go a long way toward ensuring the coffers of local municipalities stay full. That whole area is notorious for vigorous and thorough drunk-driving checkpoints and the whole shebang. They are more than happy to write you up at any opportunity; there’s big money in traffic tickets and probably at least a modicum of deep-seated resentment toward the bigwigs that float through town every summer.

And here’s the thing – Brian France pulling rank is hilarious. Dude – it’s THE HAMPTONS. No one could possibly give less of a s—t about the CEO of NASCAR. These police officers are used to seeing former presidents and tech CEOs and iconic movie stars in line at the grocery store; they have no idea who you are and they almost certainly wouldn’t care if they did. These guys wrote up Billy Joel; if the Piano Man can’t get out of a ticket, there’s no way you’re going to, no matter how many names of famous people you can remember while hammered and high.

Driving while drunk is always a bad idea. Driving while drunk and in the Hamptons is a worse idea. Driving while drunk and in the Hamptons and CEO of NASCAR is the worst idea of them all … except maybe for trying to impress upon the arresting officers how important you are after getting pulled over for the aforementioned terrible idea.

Drive safely!

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