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Celebrity Slam - Nama-steal

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The items covered in this space tend to run the gamut. Sure, we tend to focus largely on beef and/or romance – we do so adore addressing the relationship dynamics that come with celebrity – but every once in a while, something comes along that is just plain weird. And while we love the usual fare, it’s fun to occasionally venture in a different direction with regards to the stories that we share.

And boy oh boy do we have a doozy for you this week. See, there’s weird … and then there’s WEIRD. And this time around, we’re definitely looking at the latter. Not that you’ll be the least bit surprised once you find out who our subject is.

Dennis Rodman.

In a story that would be too surreal and absurd to believe were it to feature almost anyone else, the Los Angeles Times reported that Rodman and some associates entered the Hot Vibes Yoga Studio in Newport Beach on two separate occasions and stole a whole bunch of merchandise.

Rodman, along with a former studio employee and two other people, walked into the place on a Tuesday afternoon. According to the studio’s owners, the quartet then allegedly coordinated their actions to distract an employee so that they could steal clothing from a display.

(This is all on video, by the way.)

But it gets better. At one point, the crew attempts to steal an enormous crystal – a 400-pound amethyst geode. Only they don’t do a particularly good job. The crystal is lifted from the counter, ostensibly to be placed on a waiting dolly for transport … and makes it about two steps before it is dropped on the floor, where it completely shatters.

Rodman’s claim is that he and his friends were actually there specifically to move the crystal and had received permission to treat themselves to a few things as tokens of gratitude for … dropping the thing on the floor and making a huge mess? It’s all a little unclear.

The cherry on the top of this delicious sundae of idiocy is the fact that Rodman WENT BACK THE NEXT DAY. He and one of his cohort from the previous day were waiting outside the studio for it to be opened for late classes the following afternoon. The pair went in and immediately pulled the same stunt, with the distracting and the grabbing and the fleeing.

(Again – all on camera.)

The owners of the studio say that in addition to the crystal (valued at $2,500), approximately $1,000 worth of merchandise was stolen. And last, but not least, the damage to the floor from the dropped rock is estimated at roughly $5,000. For those of you scoring at home, that’s $8,500 or so of chaos unleashed by Mr. Rodman.

What do you even say about this?

We said it before, but it bears repeating – this story is almost too weird to be real. You could count on one hand the number of famous people who could believably be the subject of this story. Peak Charlie Sheen, you’d have believed. A couple of years back, you could probably see Bieber pulling this kind of bullcrap. But who else? You couldn’t even drop a minor Kardashian in here and have anyone buy it, which is really saying something.

It’s just so bizarre. And for Rodman to straight up claim that he had permission to do all of this stuff – that he was asked to move the crystal and was allowed to take a grand’s worth of leggings for his trouble – is next-level nuts, even before you take into account that he went back the next day so that his pal could steal more stuff.

This isn’t really about Slamming the guy, because really – what can we say that’s any funnier or weirder than what has already taken place? This item is here mostly because we just want to make sure that the story makes its way out into the world for everyone to see. We wanted to share it with our readers because it is strange and hilarious in all the best ways. Obviously, stealing is wrong and Rodman should absolutely be made to suffer the consequences, but at the same time … so good.

It's all good though – he’ll definitely rebound.

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