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Celebrity Slam - May 23, 2012

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It's been one of those weeks here at Celebrity Slam. Most of the time, we're lucky enough to get two or three items that really demand the full treatment. However, sometimes, the spotlight-seekers and mouth-breathers manage to mostly behave like functional human beings for a seven-day stretch.

Therefore, we're looking at a quick hits-type column for this edition. We hope to get back to our regularly scheduled in-depth scorn and mockery next week. Thank you for your patience.

Image is everything

So you may have heard of this Tim Tebow guy. Plays football, goes to church a lot, and inspires ridiculous internet memes? Any of that ringing a bell?

Anyway, Mr. Tebow recently attended a performance of the Broadway musical 'Rock of Ages.' As a noted famous person, he was invited backstage. He posed for pictures with some of the cast a bunch of the actors even Tebowed. By all accounts, he was polite, amiable and at ease.

Until one of the actors posted a picture on Twitter. Tebow's people asked her to remove the picture due to concerns about the quarterback's image (the costumes worn by the actresses are a touch revealing).

This sort of hypervigilance when it comes to 'image' is ridiculous. No one thinks you're hanging out with strippers, Tim. It's a freaking Broadway musical, man it's not like they're going to be wearing muumuus. Are you really concerned about offending the sorts of people who would be offended by this? Because if you are, that is going to be one tough row to hoe, my friend.

Besides, pictures with sequined women aren't nearly the danger to your rep that your throwing motion is.

Lil Wayne, Hitmaker

Does anyone know if Lil Wayne belongs to some weird religious sect that believes photographs are the work of the devil? Like, 'pictures steal your soul' kind of stuff? Because this is a dude who really, REALLY dislikes it when people snap a photo.

For the second time in a month, Lil Wayne along with his assumedly gigantic entourage are under investigation for assault. And for the second time in a month, all the alleged victim was trying to do was take a picture of Weezy.

The man spotted Lil Wayne and his posse skateboarding, so he took a chance. He went up to them and asked for a photo. He got shot down, so he went back to his car. That's when he made his mistake he tried to snap a sneaky shot. Well, Lil Wayne and the crew went ballistic; Wayne allegedly went so far as to issue threats, including this classic: 'Don't you know all it takes is a word and these m-----f-----s are going to fk you up?'

The man claims he was then hit in the back of the head with a skateboard, concussing him and leaving him bleeding.

Holy crap. Over a picture? What is wrong with you, Lil Wayne? Frankly, we feel silly using the word 'allegedly' when you're accused of doing the exact same thing a month ago! What's the big deal, man? It's not like this was some paparazzo this was a fan. A dude who idolizes you. Well, idolized you - up until Spoony hit him in the head with a skateboard, anyway. What do you do if someone wants a handshake? Taze them?

Man with Lil Wayne, the hits just keep on coming.

Smooches and slaps

This last item is less a slam and more of a defense.

During a recent press junket for his upcoming film 'Men in Black 3,' Will Smith found himself in an awkward red carpet confrontation. A Ukrainian reporter apparently attempted to kiss Smith, getting himself slapped across the face in the process.

A clearly livid Smith stated 'He's lucky I didn't sucker punch him' before continuing his red carpet foray, signing autographs for fans and conducting interviews with any reporter who didn't attempt to smooch all up on him.

Apparently, this kissing thing is that reporter's shtick; many outlets are reporting on Smith's 'overreaction' even hinting at some sort of homophobic motivations.

Shenanigans!

Maybe Will Smith is a homophobe. We can't say. What we can say is that if we were one of the biggest movie stars in the world walking a red carpet in Russia and some rando just tried to lay one on us, we'd probably slap him too. How is Will Smith supposed to know that this dude kisses people? All he knows is that something weird is happening; how many times in that dude's life has he had to deal with insane people invading his personal space? Smoochy McUkrainian is lucky all he got was a slap.

Smith just reacted; he didn't do anything wrong. But if you still want to bust his chops about something, there's always 'Wild Wild West.'

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