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Celebrity Slam - Kimye kaput

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Look, there was no chance we were going to talk about anything else in this space this week. We’re talking about one of the iconic celebrity marriages (not to mention an all-time great of a portmanteau); our fundamental ethos demands that we talk about the dissolution of this union.

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are calling it quits.

The filing was made official after weeks of speculation that the marriage was on the rocks. It was a tumultuous year for the couple, with Kim working toward prison reform and Kanye making an ill-advised and ultimately futile run for president among other things. The pair spent much of the last year apart, with Kim in California with the kids and Kanye spending most of his time in Wyoming.

And yes, there’s no question that the timing of the announcement is rather self-serving in the typical Kardashian fashion, coming one month ahead of the season premiere of “Keeping Up with the Kardashians.” This is how the family has handled big news in the past, getting out in front of things before making sure that the show would provide the definitive word regarding how the situation would be handled. It’s cynical, for sure, but these folks didn’t get to where they are without a healthy dose of cynicism and plenty of ruthlessness.

Still, it’s the end of a relationship that has given us here at Celebrity Slam untold fodder over the years. Whether as individuals or as a couple, Kim and Kanye have been a part of this space for as long as this space has existed. We’ve gotten a LOT of mileage out of these two. We’ve made fun of them for all sorts of reasons, scorned and mocked their poor choices in word and deed. They are in many ways the platonic ideal of a Slam-friendly celebrity coupling: both wildly famous for wildly different reasons, each possessed of that uniquely indefinable quality that marks the very best denizens of this space – the feeling that no matter what you might hear that they said or did, no matter how bizarre or outlandish, it could be true. Hell, the weirder it sounded, the more likely you felt like it absolutely happened.

Seriously – if these two kooky kids can’t make it, what chance do the rest of us have?

Rest assured, we’re not here to celebrate the dissolution of this relationship. Far from it. We have a lot of fun at the expense of the rich and famous, but we’re not interested in making fun of this. The end of a marriage is no laughing matter, the odd Vegas quickie aside – making this transition is hard and it sucks and we absolutely feel for them. Plus, there are kids to think about.

And look, we can all be as cynical as we want about this, but these two loved each other. Is it possible that the relationship began as a PR ploy? Absolutely. Hell, we’d be surprised if the publicity people WEREN’T involved in getting this pairing started. But how things start and how they wind up aren’t always the same, and these two, troubled as they were, really seemed to care about one another. Neither one of them is a good enough actor to fake that.

So yeah. It’s a bummer.

Will we miss making fun of the strange roller coaster ups and downs of Kimye? Of course we will. Are you kidding? Sure, neither had been making a ton of appearances in this space as of late, but there was always that chance that one morning, we’d wake up and get something great. And honestly, you reach a point where what you really want is to see people succeed. At the risk of projecting sincerity – something to which we rarely aspire in this space – we were rooting for them. They had found each other. They had started a family. Sure, they were fame mutants, but fame mutants uniquely suited for one another. And really, aren’t we all just looking for our forever fame mutant?

So raise your glasses to Kimye and bid a fond farewell to the relationship that, for better or worse, was 21st century America’s most prominent marriage. It really is too bad.

Last modified on Wednesday, 24 February 2021 07:52

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