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Celebrity Slam - Jan. 30, 2013

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Parking wars

A story comes along every once in a while that perfectly illustrates the attitude of selfish entitlement permeating the world of entertainment. Not everyone working in the industry is an arrogant egomaniac, but a lot of them are and you can always count on them to give you a wonderful example of their idiocy.

Singers Chris Brown and Frank Ocean along with their respective entourages got into a bit of a brawl last week outside an L.A.-area recording studio. In a world rife with 'beefs,' it's hard to tell when a fight stems from something serious. And maybe on a deeper level, this is one of those.

On the surface level, however, it's about a parking space.

According to reports, Brown and his people were getting ready to leave when Ocean and his crew blocked them while parking. 'This is my studio, this is my parking spot,' Ocean allegedly said.

Witness reports conflict as to what happened next. One witness said Brown attempted a handshake to defuse the situation; he was rebuffed by Ocean and so he took a swing at him. Another witness said the actual fighting was between members of the respective entourages, with neither Ocean nor Brown throwing a punch.

Brown didn't help his case much by immediately leaving the scene; Ocean stayed behind to speak with police.

There's supposedly some sort of parking hierarchy in place at this studio, with the best spots reserved for the biggest names; maybe it was some sort of calculated disrespect or something. Even so, picking a fight over a parking space is one of the dumbest things we've ever heard. What kind of insecure morons are we dealing with here?

And while the truth is that we still don't know where the fault for this altercation lies, we're going to go ahead and blame Chris Brown - mostly because he has proven time and time again to be the ultimate narcissistic jerk. He even jetted before the cops showed up, because that's what he does. He's our known quantity our vile, reprehensible known quantity. Frank Ocean could be 100 percent in the wrong and still be the sympathetic figure; that's how utterly terrible Chris Brown is.

But hey, it could have been worse. Ask Rick Ross.

No, Canada!

You might not remember it has been a couple of years at this point but there was a stretch of a few months where we were regularly documenting what appeared to be actor Randy Quaid's descent into madness. He committed a few acts of vandalism, skipped out on a bunch of hotel bills, cried persecution, fled to Canada and started claiming that he and wife Evi were the target of a mysterious group of celebrity assassins known as the 'Star Whackers.'

The Quaids have been in Canada ever since, applying for refugee status in hopes of never having to return to the U.S. where they would face a number of criminal charges, Star Whackers notwithstanding. And after a lengthy period of what we can only assume was thorough and thoughtful deliberation, Canada came to a decision.

Sorry, Randy. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.

Officials rejected Quaid's request for permanent resident status, although they did accept Evi, who apparently has a grandfather who was a Canadian citizen. Quaid can appeal the decision.

Man, you have to be pretty screwed up for Canada to basically say, 'Thanks, but no thanks.' Even the nicest country in the world has a limit Randy Quaid is apparently Canada's. And make no mistake, the crazy flames are still burning hot Quaid still adamantly stands by his nutbag conspiracy stories, as does his wife.

By the way, Canada, just so you know, Evi might be the crazier one of the pair. We're not telling you your business or anything, but we thought you should be made aware. But hey, blood is thicker than crazy, right?

While no extradition order has been filed for the Quaids with regard to their crimes, there's no doubt that either one would be arrested if caught on the U.S. side of the border. Which leaves us with one question: Wwhere does Randy Quaid go from here?

Maybe he should plan on taking a European Vacation.


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