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Celebrity Slam - Jan. 16, 2013

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LiLo's big week

It has been a big week for Celebrity Slam favorite Lindsay Lohan.

We'll start with the recent New York Times story by Stephen Rodrick. Rodrick was given access to LiLo's latest film project 'The Canyons' and chronicled the movie's progress and process in an article straightforwardly titled 'Here Is What Happens When You Cast Lindsay Lohan In Your Movie.'

In the piece, Rodrick treats us to a portrait of an out-of-control Lohan seemingly unable to halt her own downward spiral. We're treated to tales of Lohan's habitual tardiness and too-frequent no-shows she even gets herself briefly fired just a few days into production. When she's on set, she's combative with the director and abusive to her co-stars audio has surfaced of her ripping into leading man James Deen. She even allegedly gets drunk during shooting and reportedly drives off in her Porsche while under the influence.

To her credit, Lohan admits that the article is mostly accurate, though she denies the allegation of drunk driving.

We've also got the quick-hit firing of her lawyer in the midst of LiLo's latest court appearances, no less. Shawn Holley was Lohan's representative in California and by all accounts doing a masterful job of keeping her client out of jail. So of course, Lohan decided to hire a new lawyer a shady New York character named Mark Heller and had him send a letter to Holley informing her of the new situation.

This happened while Holley was on the way to the courthouse to try and straighten out Lohan's latest mess. Holley did the stand-up thing and repped Lohan during the hearing, although everyone involved (including the judge) was utterly confused by the situation.

Meanwhile, Lohan claims she didn't want to fire Holley and didn't know about the letter despite her signature being on it. There is an alleged second letter out there cancelling the first, but no one has seen it and no one is saying anything.

As it stands, Lohan isn't in jail yet but she's got a rough road ahead of her from here on in.

Let's start with the NYT story. We're honestly not sure which is worse: the fact that such an unflattering piece was written about her or the fact that she had no problem admitting that it was accurate. The Lindsay Lohan in that article has to be utterly unemployable at this point, yes? From cursing out co-stars to partying all night with Lady Gaga to showing up hours late (if at all) to locking herself in closets and crying, LiLo basically nails down every single negative thing we've come to believe about her over the past few years. When what at first glance appears to be a hatchet job turns out to actually be an honest and accurate portrayal, you have to believe that the last bridge has been burned.

And this whole lawyer thing. Holy crap. By all accounts, Lohan would have already been on the receiving end of some serious legal punishment if it weren't for Shawn Holley. Some have gone so far as to refer to the lawyer as a 'miracle worker' for her work on Lohan's behalf, to the degree that some are actually angry about how well she has done her job. So the obvious solution is to kick her to the curb and hire some New York shyster who spent half of the 90s banned from practicing law. It's typical of Lohan's 'you can't tell me what to do' pouting teenager attitude.

Lohan has shown some buyer's remorse in her attempted backtracking, but this isn't Holley's first rodeo; Lohan has already fired her and rehired her once before. It seems likely that Holley's recent saving of Lohan's bacon will be the last. It will be if she's smart at any rate.

The infuriating thing about Lindsay Lohan is the wasted potential. She had undeniable talent; there was a time when her future looked as bright as can be. And we acknowledge that everyone makes mistakes it's about taking personal responsibility, something Lohan continually refuses to do. So many people have bent over backwards trying desperately to help her get back on track both personally and professionally. But she'd rather stumble through life in her own entitled way, leaving the messes of reality for someone else to clean up. It has reached the point where it's difficult to feel bad for her.

So this is it. We're done. Consider this a Celebrity Slam moratorium on Lindsay Lohan. It hasn't been fun for a while now; it's time to walk away.


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