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Celebrity Slam - Fast & no longer furious?

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Beef is delicious.

We love everything about a good sizzling celebrity beef. Whether we’re talking about Steak-Umm beef or Wagyu-level beef, we love to dig in and enjoy famous people going after one another. Honestly, we’re fans of all kinds, though we will note that our favorite seasoning is pettiness – the pettier the conflict, the tastier it is!

However, it is also important in our beef connoisseurdom to note that we ALSO enjoy it when these beefs are squashed. It’s not that we don’t love continuing conflict – we 100% do – so much as that we think it’s important to note when one or both parties decide to behave like functioning adults and bury the hatchet.

And we ESPECIALLY like it when said squashing is almost certainly a temporary truce, just waiting for the right moment to double down back into the beefy goodness.

Obviously, we’re talking about Vin Diesel and The Rock.

For those who don’t remember, the two butted bald heads during the making of assorted “Fast & Furious” movies – derogatory terms like “little brother” and “candy ass” were tossed around, ultimately leading to a situation where the men couldn’t be on set together at the same time. This in turn resulted in the spinning off of The Rock’s character into a different film tangentially connected to the larger franchise.

Well, it appears that Diesel has extended an olive branch. Sort of.

Diesel posted the following on Instagram, included in its entirety due to it being a beautiful masterclass of passive-aggression:

“My little brother Dwayne... the time has come. The world awaits the finale of Fast 10. As you know, my children refer to you as Uncle Dwayne in my house. There is not a holiday that goes by that they and you don’t send well wishes... but the time has come. Legacy awaits. I told you years ago that I was going to fulfill my promise to Pablo. I swore that we would reach and manifest the best Fast in the finale that is 10! I say this out of love... but you must show up, do not leave the franchise idle you have a very important role to play. Hobbs can’t be played by no other. I hope that you rise to the occasion and fulfill your destiny.”

Please note that not only did Diesel lead with the whole “little brother” thing, which The Rock has made clear on numerous occasions that he does not care for, but he also included a picture doctored in such a way as to make the two men appear to be of equal height, even though The Rock has a good four or five inches on the smaller Diesel.

Now, Diesel didn’t actually tag The Rock in any of this. As of press time, there has been no response, though considering how relentlessly online The Rock is, there’s little chance he has yet to see it.

Obviously, there’s some stuff to unpack here.

The big question is why now? Why has Diesel decided that he wants The Rock to come back into the fold after expending so much time, energy and movie star capital to get him out? One has to wonder if Diesel is feeling some heat for a softer-than-expected box office take for the last “F&F” movie – are there doubters out there who don’t think Vin can carry the day by himself anymore?

But if he DOES need The Rock, what’s the deal with the unsubtle digs and passive-aggressive BS? The Rock doesn’t need this mess – he’s The Rock.

The whole thing reeks of weird insecurity on the part of Diesel. The need to somehow diminish The Rock, even while ostensibly praising him, feels very thirsty. And the image manipulation to make himself look the same size? Come on, son – we all know he’s bigger than you. Oh, and the guilt flex, talking about “Uncle Dwayne” and all that? You’re trying too hard.

Look, do we want to see The Rock come back to the franchise? Of course we do! These two dudes both have contract language specifying how many hits they can take in a fight – it’s precisely the kind of peacocking on which action movies thrive! Vin – mi familia – this ain’t it.

But we’re here for the beef.

Last modified on Wednesday, 10 November 2021 07:58

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