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Celebrity Slam - Commitments and dropkicks

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Our love for celebrity couples in this space is well-known at this point. No one digs on a famous romance quite like we do – we’re all about the portmanteaus! Most of the time, these pairings fizzle out after a few months; the truth is that celebs hook up and break up all the time. So when it looks like something’s going to have some legs, we love to celebrate it.

To that end – congratulations to Scarlett Johansson and Colin Jost on their engagement.

The (somewhat unlikely?) pair announced their engagement on Sunday. According to reports, Jost popped the question at a restaurant outside NYC last Thursday, followed by a late celebration into the night, which is hilarious, because the “SNL” season finale was that weekend, so Jost, you know, had some stuff to do.

(It also means that he was secretly engaged when he did “Weekend Update,” which, come on man – you’re not going to break the news on your goofy newsbreak segment? Missed opportunity.)

We did an exploration of potential portmanteaus last spring when the pair made their relationship red carpet official – let’s look at how that played out.

Sometimes, names don’t quite click. Those are the portmanteaus that are difficult to come up with, the ones that ultimately maybe feel like a bit of a reach. For whatever reason, there’s a lack of flow that makes creating a single name a tricky maneuver. That’s not the case here – we have a TON of options.

We’ll start with the first-name/last-name blends, none of which quite make the cut, but are still pretty awesome. Probably the least solid of the bunch is the her/him first/last combo – “Scost” doesn’t really work all that well. The other combo is far superior – for most other celebrity couples, you’d be hard pressed to come up with a better name than “Cohannson.” That’s pretty good, but it still doesn’t reach the level of our other two contenders.

(Quick aside – the reality is that nothing makes for a better celebrity portmanteau than shared letters and/or sounds with the names. When you have those pieces to build on, you’ve got a chance to create something really special. You’re about to see just HOW special.)

The runner-up for us is “Scolin,” which just barely beats out “Cohansson” for second place. First name combos are traditionally solid contenders and there’s an appealing brevity to this one.

But let’s be real here – this was never going to be anything other than “Josthansson.” The fact that Jost’s name is both fairly unusual and easily substituted for the first syllable of Johansson’s. The end result is a portmanteau that is fluid and evocative while also being instantly recognizable as a blend of these specific two individuals.

Seriously – we’ve been doing this a long time and this is easily one of our favorites of the past five years or more.

(And yes, we recognize that “Scar-Jost” is right there for the taking, but it seems somewhat unbalanced, riffing as it does on her already-extant nickname. And before someone pops up and tries to argue J-Rod, the fact is that that one riffs on the preexisting monikers of both parties – J-Lo + A-Rod = J-Rod. Not the same thing at all, so stop badgering us about it.)


In other news, we thought we’d include a quick mention of a story that, while not necessarily appropriate for a full-on Celebrity Slam feature, still warranted our attention because of its weirdness.

Some dude drop-kicked Arnold Schwarzenegger.

It all went down in South Africa, at an event called the Arnold Classic Africa, a sporting competition for young athletes. Arnie was there, doing his thing, when out of nowhere, a guy came up behind him and gave him a full-on old-school wrestling drop-kick while screaming “Help me, I need a Lamborghini!”

Obviously, the guy was instantly swarmed by security and carted off. Schwarzenegger was surprisingly good-natured about the whole thing, declining to press charges and generally trying to keep the focus on the young athletes at the event.

That’s it, really. Again, nothing to Slam here – if anything, Schwarzenegger should be lauded for the way he handled the whole thing – but if you hadn’t yet heard the story, we wanted to make sure you did.

(Oh, and check out the video if you get a chance – you’ll be glad you did.)


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