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Celebrity Slam - Car trouble

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It may seem like there’s no real rhyme or reason to the way we put things together here at Celebrity Slam, but rest assured – we have a plan. It might not be a thoughtful plan or even a particularly good plan, but it is a plan.

It’s a fairly simple formula, honestly – the severity of the offense is inversely proportional to the fame of the offender. Basically, it means that the more famous a person is, the less outlandish what they said/did needs to be to warrant our notice. However, this means that the reverse is also true – for a person of relatively little fame to capture our attention, their offense has to be really big and/or weird.

If you see someone who isn’t a household name in this space, you better believe that something REALLY strange has gone down.

Guess what you’re getting this week?

You may not recognize the name Daryl Sabara. He’s an actor best known for his starring role in the “Spy Kids” films of the early aughts. He’s done some movies since then, but he’s generally worked in TV, with a lot of voice work and the like. The truth is that he might be best known these days for his wife – pop star Meaghan Trainor, who he married last December.

So we’re talking about Daryl Sabara this week. By the aforementioned formula, one would have to imagine that whatever landed him in this space is something beyond the pale. Let us assure you that said assumption would be right.

Sabara was hit with a pair of misdemeanor charges stemming from an incident in March. The actor was walking near the UCLA campus when he apparently decided to flex some muscle on a nearby car, pulling off a pair of custom side panels with his bare hands. After the damage was done, he fled the scene.

It should be noted that the whole thing was caught on surveillance video; there’s no doubt that this dude decided to tear stuff off this car. What is less clear is why. The owner of the car doesn’t know Sabara at all and has no idea why the actor would choose to commit such a pointless act of vandalism.

The charges are as follows: one count of vandalism and one count of tampering with a vehicle. The arraignment is set for later this month in Los Angeles Superior Court.

That’s it, really. The dude from “Spy Kids” decided to hulk out and tear some pieces off a car for no reason. And really, that’s pretty much the absolute minimum that that guy would need to do to merit mention in a space like this.

(Meanwhile, we were all ready to spend some time talking about Kim Kardashian and the horrible Photoshop job she did to put her kid in her family Halloween photo because little Chicago was terrified of Dino. See what we mean? Kardashians are crazy famous, so the stuff they do can be less weird and still warrant inclusion in this space.)

Anyway – we have some questions. You have to wonder what set of circumstances led him to this place. What kind of headspace must you be in to be walking down the street, see a car with custom panels on it, and say to yourself “I need to tear those off that car.” Like, are things at home that bad? We know that your wife is all about that bass – are you a treble? Left to prove your manliness via non-vocal means? Perhaps by some sort of car-related vandalism? Is that what happened?

There’s no question that this is the kind of delightfully weird and inexplicable happening that we love to see here at Celebrity Slam. There’s only so much slogging through the standard egotism of the ultra-famous that we can stand before we want something different. Something that involves a minor celebrity fighting a car with his bare hands for reasons that we have believe have something to do with a terrible song written by his pop star wife.

Again – it’s a sliding scale as far as fame is concerned. And if you’re less famous, well … you’re going to have to come up with something big to get our attention. Something Daryl Sabara big.

Last modified on Tuesday, 05 November 2019 06:55


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