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Celebrity Slam - Aug. 15, 2012

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Cinco de drinko

If there's one thing that I've learned about the rich and famous over the years, it's that far too many of them have no grasp of the concept of drinking responsibly. Often, it's very much the opposite. A number of celebrities have appeared in this space due to their ridiculous deeds and actions while under the influence.

Still, this last one has been a big one for drunken hijinks. Let's go to the rundown, shall we?

The big one is of course Randy Travis. The country star was popped for his second DWI in six months after he crashed his car. What makes this arrest particularly spectacular is the fact that Travis was allegedly completely naked at the time he was apprehended. In addition, there's apparently security footage from a nearby convenience store that has Travis stopping to buy cigarettesalso while naked. Travis was also charged with retaliation and obstruction according to police, Travis verbally threatened an officer during his arrest.

Next up, we've got everybody's second- or third-favorite Jackass Bam Margera. The professional bad-decision-maker apparently made a particularly poor choice while off the clock. At an airport in Charlotte, North Carolina, Margera reportedly made a bit of a scene when airline employees refused to let him board his plane because he reeked of booze and was cussing like a sailor. Margera got combative and aggressive and was eventually led away in handcuffs to a holding cell. He claims that he wasn't drunk and that the smell was left over from the previous night's bender.

We've also got a pair of entries that are more rich than famous, but both warrant mentioning.

You might not recognize the name George Boedecker, but you've certainly encountered the company he founded Crocs. The guy got busted for DUI in Boulder, Colorado over the weekend after being found passed out in front of his car on the side of the road. He then proceeded to go over the edge crazy. He initially tried to tell police that his crazy girlfriend had been driving insisting that said girlfriend was music superstar Taylor Swift. He then went on and on about his immense wealth before telling the arresting officers to 'f--- themselves in the ass.' When the medics on the scene refer to you as 'drunk as crap,' you've clearly crossed a line.

The other guy is Jay Penske, son of NASCAR legend Roger Penske. Apparently, the younger Penske and his brother Mark broke into the prestigious Nantucket Yacht Clubto urinate in the parking lot. When two women saw them and approached, Jay allegedly turned to her and peed all over her boots. He and his brother than reportedly began shoving the two women. The brothers ran, but were arrested soon after. The two women declined to press assault charges, but the Penskes were eventually charged with breaking and entering with intent to commit a crime.

For a real rampage, let's go to Jason Mayhem' Miller, former UFC fighter and host of MTV's reality show 'Bully Beatdown.' According to reports, Miller broke into a church in Mission Viejo, California and absolutely trashed the place, throwing books and CDs everywhere and coating the entirety of the first and second floors with the discharge from a fire extinguisher. Police found Miller calmly lounging on an upstairs sofa and arrested him and charged him with burglary. Oh, and he was naked too.

For those of you keeping score, that's:

  • Two DWIs
  • Two naked guys
  • One count burglary
  • One count breaking and entering
  • One church dismantling
  • Two spates of loud and inappropriate cursing
  • One act of peeing on someone's feet

Did I miss anything? That's a famous musician, a semi-famous TV star, a discredited MMA fighter, an uber-rich guy and the son of an uber-rich guy all of them making huge mistakes while under the influence. Sure, this stuff happens fairly regularly, but to have five incidents like this in the space of a week is rarefied air even for the rich and famous.

The lesson? Don't drink and drive. Don't curse loudly in public places. Don't threaten law enforcement officers. Don't break into churches or yacht clubs. Don't pee on people you don't know. And for the love of all that is decent and holy, try and keep your clothes on.

I especially look forward to hearing about Lindsay Lohan and/or Randy Quaid doing all of these things in one night. I give it three months.


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