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Celebrity Slam - Aug. 1, 2012

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Robsten no more?

So it looks like there's trouble brewing for Hollywood's second-favorite portmanteau (you're still number one, Brangelina!). That's right: Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are on the rocks.

Some photos came to light last week of K-Stew engaged in all kinds of naughty cheaty activity with Rupert Sanders, the older (and extremely married) director of her film 'Snow White and the Huntsman.' These pictures are the sort of smoking gun that is extremely difficult to ignore.

She should have tried.

Instead, Stewart issued a surprisingly desperate apology, essentially begging Pattinson to forgive her and saying that he was 'the most important thing in my life' and closing with lots of 'I love you' and 'I'm sorry.' Pattinson has since been seen with a U-Haul, moving his things out of the home that he shared with Stewart.

Am I the only one who smells a set-up here? I mean, are you telling me that Kristen Stewart isn't immediately aware of any sort of recording device in her immediate vicinity? She's a constant target for the paparazzi; she of all people should know that she is incapable of successfully sneaking around in public. Something's not right here.

I mean, the whole Pattinson-Stewart relationship has seemed like a publicity tool for the 'Twilight' series from the beginning and the (fingers crossed) last movie is set to come out in November. Wouldn't now be the ideal time to start a buzz going? And what easier way than through a scandal between your allegedly-in-love-in-real-life romantic leads?

The fans who are legion will have themselves whipped into a frothing frenzy by this whole thing. Granted, most if not all of their rage will be directed at Stewart, but the powers that be probably want it that way; since Stewart has proven incapable of human emotion, the hatred of the masses will be as nothing to her. The desperation of her apology will simply feed into the loathing.

The two will separate and the anger will slowly subside, the rage tide ebbing as the release of the last film approaches. My guess is that the pair will 'reconcile' somewhere between four and six weeks before the US opening. Then the movie will come out, the fan horde will be appeased and the pop culture pustule that is Robsten can finally be excised from the zeitgeist.

Who am I kidding? 'Twilight 5: Twilight with A Vengeance' is probably already in production; the franchise is as undead as its subject matter.

The new Lion King

Famous people reinvent themselves all the time. It has almost become a rite of passage that all but the shiniest of superduperstars winds up making at least one major tweak to their identity. Sometimes they take place early in a career, sometimes late, sometimes in a sort of celebrity mid-life crisis. Most of these transformations are relatively subtle (especially the later-blooming ones), taking place over a significant span of time years even.

And sometimes they come out of nowhere.

Legendary rapper Snoop Dogg is no longer a Dogg. He's Snoop Lion now.

Really.

Apparently, Snoop had a life- (and name-) changing experience on a recent trip to Jamaica. 'I went to the temple, where the High Priest asked me what my name was, and I said Snoop Dogg.' And he looked into my eyes and said No more. You are the lion; you are the light.' From that moment on, it's like I had started to understand why I was there.'

This epiphany led to the change in moniker, yes, but it has also led to a big change with regards to Snoop's music. His new album, called Reincarnated' and produced in collaboration with producer Diplo, will be a straight-up reggae album.

'Rap is not a challenge to me,' Snoop said at a press gathering. 'With no disrespect to other rappers, but they can't f--k with me in rap. I've won every accolade you can get in rap; they call me Uncle Snoop' in rap. When you're an uncle, it's time to find something new.'

Wow.

If this was almost anyone else in the music world, it would seem like an obvious attempt at grabbing headlines and expanding the spotlight. But with a guy like Snoop DoggI think I kind of buy it. This is a guy who really seems like he's reached a crossroads. Granted, it's the crossroads of Nutbar Avenue and Cuckoo Boulevard, but regardless of how new-age weird it sounds, it also sounds sincere. Although given certain of Snoop's well-known propensities, he might also wake up one morning asking what day it is and expressing complete ignorance of the last [fill in length of time here].

So I'm giving him the benefit of the doubtbut if he starts telling us to call his entourage the 'Lion's Pride' or some such BS, I'm out.

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