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Celebrity Slam - April 25, 2012

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LiLo doubles down

Here at Celebrity Slam, we have occasionally been accused of piling on. It's a valid point, but the truth is that certain famous people seemingly go out of their way to place targets on their own backs. We don't make these celebrities say what they say or do what they do we just mock them mercilessly when it happens.

Which brings us to Lindsay Lohan. Again.

A couple of weeks ago, LiLo was accused of getting into a shoving match with a woman at the nightclub Smoke and Mirrors. According to the claim, the woman was talking to a male friend of the actress and Lohan took umbrage, even going so far as to start pushing and shoving her.

No surprises here; standard stuff, really. However, LiLo is always ready to push the envelope when it comes to crazy behavior. Lohan reportedly got into another altercation with a different woman last week while at the same bar as last time!

This time around, the report says there was a bit of a fender bender when Lohan showed up (she wasn't driving), so she called her dad for help. Like any good dad, Michael showed up and promptly took her to the club for a couple of hours. The details of what happened are fuzzy, but the basic gist is that a woman claims that LiLo behaved aggressively toward her and threw a drink at her. According to the Lohan camp, it was the other way around she was mocked for being in the club with her dad and the drink was actually thrown at her.

Bear in mind that all of this is happening less than a month after she finally got clear of formal probation.

I honestly can't tell if this behavior is intentionally self-destructive, utterly stupid or both. You just got off probation and you're clubbing. That's bad enough. But who gets in a fight at a place, then goes back the next week and gets into another fight? It's enough to make people think that you're actually trying to torpedo your own career.

On a related note, just how many more times are we going to have to hear about this kind of thing? I know, I know it's never your fault. However, the simple truth is that it keeps happening. Over and over again, we hear these stories and the only common element is you. Don't you find that odd? It seems unlikely that these weird confrontations keep happening despite your complete innocence in the given situations. You can keep telling us you're not at fault, but most of us have already stopped believing you and the rest aren't far behind.

You need to get your act together, LiLo. If not for yourself, than for Celebrity Slam and the rest of the celebrity commenters out there; if you wind up without a career or in jail or whatever, we're going to have to find a new go-to for celebrity shenanigans. We don't want to do that. We want your shenanigans, but you need to dial it back. If this becomes a weekly thing, it stops being newsworthy. If it stops being newsworthy, your spotlight disappears. You love your spotlight, don't you LiLo?

So if you could spread out the nightclub assaults a bit, maybe insert some variety into your nutbag insanity, that would be great. Thanks in advance!

Local boy makes good

This next item is a bit of a departure for this space. While we make our bones by pointing out the foibles of the rich and famous, we also try to remember that all of these famous people were just people, once upon a time. They were just working actors/musicians/whatever trying to land their big break.

For one of Maine's own, that big break might well be happening as we speak.

Timothy Simons is a Maine native and a graduate of the University of Maine. He's also one of the featured players on the new HBO show 'Veep,' which premiered on Sunday. The show stars Julia Louis-Dreyfuss as the vice president of the United States; it's a behind the scenes look at her life as the VP and the people around her who help her run it. Simons plays Jonah, a liaison between the VP and President's offices (and he's kind of a smug d-bag about it).

We here at Celebrity Slam congratulate you, Mr. Simons. America is lucky to have a chance to watch you every week. Your home state is very proud.

Just don't say anything stupid. We'd hate to have to come after you.

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