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Celebrity Slam - Apr. 10, 2013

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Sex tape shenanigans

If you've been paying attention in recent years, you've noticed that MTV has seemingly gone out of their way to lower the bat when it comes to reality television. Shows like 'Jersey Shore' and the like have turned some unpleasant people into celebrities.

Farrah Abraham, a former star of the network's 'Teen Mom,' has been popping up in the news in recent weeks following some drunken club antics and a DUI arrest. But she's taken it to the next level a sex tape with XXX star James Deen.

Abraham has been waffling about whether or not said tape actually exists, proving incapable of giving a simple answer even when directly questioned. Meanwhile, various sources including Mr. Deen himself have confirmed that the video is real and is currently being shopped around to a number of adult entertainment companies. The dude from Vivid sounds like he is particularly excited at the prospect.

It's all just so silly. This isn't about making a sex tape it has been proven time and again that this sort of thing really can boost a career. If that's the path you want to travel, great. Have fun with it. It's honestly not a bad move for someone desperately trying to stay in the spotlight. You're going to rake in thousands of dollars and keep your name in the news for a little while longer. Sure, it's not the traditional choice, but you're an adult now you can make whatever decisions you like.

But acting coy and vague about it is just stupid. It's not like you can keep it a secret if you're actively shopping the thing. You went out of your way to film the thing. You were photographed strolling around holding hands with your co-star. And again  people are in the process of selling it. So why not just own it? Doing anything else doesn't make any sense. 

We look forward to finding out what the programming geniuses at MTV wind up turning this whole situation into. HehSituation.

First!

Speaking of careers made via sex tape Ray J is back in the news.

For those who know him only as Kim Kardashian's scene partner in the now-infamous 'Kim K Superstar' video or one of the guys fed into the VH1 celebrity dating show machine, Ray J is also a singer of some note. He's released some top-selling albums, though none since 2008.

But he's back in the spotlight for his vocal stylings stylings that he used to remind Ms. Kardashian and her current beau Kanye West (not to mention the rest of the world) that he got there first.

Literally. The name of the track is 'I Hit It First.' The lyrics are even more overt than the title, if that's possible, with some fairly crass insinuations punctuated with regular utterances of 'I hit it first.' He also adds lines like 'No matter where she goes or who she knows/She still belongs in my bed.'

He's also apparently planning to make a music video for the song with a Kardashian lookalike. You know, because that's not creepy or weird at all.

There's something sad about this. First of all, the ham-fisted lack of subtlety completely subverts whatever minimal impact the song could have possibly had. Secondly, it seems like this is the act of a desperate man pathetically scrambling to cling to his one moment of pop cultural relevance. It reeks of sour grapes Kardashian has moved on to become a real celebrity, involved with one of music's biggest stars, while Ray J has been steadily tumbling into obscurity.

It's the move of a man who has decided that he has nothing left to lose. It has been six years since that tape was released and a decade since it was made. Clearly, Ray J has been dwelling on the situation for years. Can't you just picture him sitting in the dark in his sister Brandy's basement, muttering to himself about the many ways in which he has been wronged? Or heading over to his cousin Snoop's house to figure out a rhyme for 'Kanye is a doo-doo-head' or whatever? It's kind of depressing.

Kanye would record a response track, but he's too busy making millions of dollars.

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