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Celebrity Slam - 2019 Year in Review

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One of the things that we love to do as every year comes to a close is take a look back on everything that we addressed in this space over the past 12 months. It’s a chance to say good-bye to the year’s wackiness and weirdness of the celebrity sphere. Some of it good, some of it bad … and a whole lot of it just plain dumb.

Let’s take a minute to look back at just a few of the highlights (or lowlights) from Celebrity Slam 2019.

Probably the biggest Celebrity Slam story of the year was the one that made it all the way into the mainstream news cycle – the college admissions scandal. For those who have forgotten, actresses Lori Laughlin and Felicity Huffman were among a number of affluent parents who were caught up in a scheme to help get their kids into better schools. The story was EVERYWHERE, and we certainly had some fun with it. And it was real news – Huffman even went to jail for a bit. But it was also a wonderful encapsulation of the entitled, egotistical energy that we feed on here at Celebrity Slam.

There was that bizarre stuff about Moby and Natalie Portman, with him writing in his book that they were a couple when she was a teenaged Harvard student and her basically responding with an “Ew, gross.” He then copped to being a weirdo and we all moved on. Strange, really – author Jonathan Safran Foer left his wife because he decided that he and Portman were in love, when she – again – was absolutely not and never interested.

We got an all-timer of a red carpet interview from notorious loon Terrence Howard in which he talks about opening the flower of life and disproving gravity and all kinds of absolutely wild stuff that is a hoot to listen to, because not only is it strikingly strange, but he 100% believes it.

And in perhaps my favorite story of the year, from just a couple of weeks ago, we have Josh Brolin going onto social media to proclaim that he had indulged in the in-the-moment fad of trying to get sun for your underside because energy or some such nonsense, only to wind up burning his butthole. We don’t know if it was real or a joke or what and we don’t care to find out. As far as we’re concerned, Josh Brolin absolutely laid on his back, put his knees to his ears and badly seared his pooper. It is an exquisite Celebrity Slam item, a perfect gem of weird idiocy.

We can’t forget our weirdo retired athletes, though. There was Jose Canseco, who went on a Twitter rant back in February in which he revealed to the world everything that he had deduced about time travel and the existence of aliens. He even went so far as to claim that HE HIMSELF had time traveled. And then there was Dennis Rodman, who was involved in what appeared to be a planned effort to rob a New Age-y yoga store of a bunch of stuff for reasons that are beyond comprehension. Just the sort of completely bonkers nonsense that we adore here.

Oh, and of course, no Celebrity Slam retrospective is complete without mentioning Justin Bieber, who was relatively low-key this year, although he did still manage to challenge Tom Cruise to an MMA fight and get dissed by Tool’s Maynard Keenan when Bieber said he liked the new record. You know – the usual stuff.

And on and on and on.

This is just a snapshot of some of what we scorned and derided over the past year. We’ve had a lot of fun in 2019 and imagine that we’ll have plenty more in 2020 and beyond. Because here’s the thing – famous people aren’t going to just stop saying and doing stupid stuff. That’s par for the course for celebrities – rampaging egoism is a feature, not a bug. And so, we’ll be right back here in the new year, doing what we do.

So join us in 2020. There’s no telling what kind of shenanigans and/or hijinks the dumb and famous will get up to – shall we find out together?

Last modified on Monday, 23 December 2019 16:44

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