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edge staff writer


Celebrity Slam - (12/16/15)

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By our powers combined

Regular readers of Celebrity Slam are aware that certain names tend to pop up with regularity in this space. It shouldn't surprise anyone the sorts of people that get written about here are definitely the same sorts of people who frequently say and do things that warrant said writing. Basically, if you're wholeheartedly devoted to your time in the spotlight, you're going to wind up doing stupid things while basking in it.

We've had a lot of fun with Justin Bieber over the years. His tendency to behave like an entitled punk often led him to this page; the combination of inflated ego and limited concern with social mores made his antics perfect fodder for us. However, it seems that he has recently started getting his act together and pulling the reins on his heretofore untethered id. Good news for him, bad news for us.

The Kardashians have spent plenty of time here as well; with a whole family committed to having as much attention paid to them as possible, it only stands to reason that there would be occasional misfires in both word and deed. They're the First Family of Celebrity Slam, though some members have contributed more than others.

Imagine the delight when it was discovered that maybe just maybe Justin Bieber was hooking up with Kourtney Kardashian.

Details are admittedly fairly sketchy, but TMZ reported that Kourtney was spotted leaving Bieber's hotel in the wee hours of the morning. Bieber also added fuel to the fire by posting a picture of himself with a difficult-to-identify female and captioned 'Lord knows,' which was viewed by some as a barely-veiled shot at Kourtney's ex Scott Disick (he's referred to as Lord Disick for reasons that I won't even pretend to understand).

Kourtney's people are spinning the standard 'just friends' boilerplate, but Team Bieber isn't having any of it, saying that the two are most definitely hooking up. According to them, the fling started back in October.

Is it true? Who knows? Does it matter? Not really!

Obviously, we want this to be a thing. We should all want this to be a thing, because the comedic possibilities are endless. Seriously, doesn't this beat the heck out of Kylie/Tyga? And it'll be more of a 'funny ha-ha' situation than the 'funny weird' Kimye deal. Dropping a wild card like Bieber into the middle of the Kardashian stcircus is the perfect catalyst for weirdness and faux pas (and lest we forget, it wasn't that long ago that Justin was making a Belieber out of Kendall Jenner, so there's THAT to add to the herd of elephants already in the room).

Honestly, it's difficult to come up with an apt analogy for this. A Kardashian/Bieber convergence is one of the greatest things that could happen to the realm of celebrity gossip; such a coupling would be far more than the sum of its parts. It's the celebrity hook-up equivalent of a musical supergroup it features names that you recognize, it attracts more attention than it probably warrants and it will ultimately prove to be kind of a letdown.

But again, the potential of this cannot be overstated. We're talking an extremely high ceiling. Can you imagine Bieber hanging out with Kourtney's kids? Are there going to be double-dates with Kim and Kanye and/or Kylie and Tyga? Is Kendall cool with it or are we going to get some made-for-television 'Real Housewives'-type shoe-throwing shenanigans? Don't pretend that you aren't dying to know the answers to these questions even if you didn't know the questions existed until this very moment.

Hell, Kris might have orchestrated the whole thing and put Bieber up to it in order to raise Kourtney's profile, what with Kim having just had a baby and likely out of commission for a little while. She probably didn'tbut she might have.

Yes, it's all idle speculation, but idle speculation is what we do here particularly in a slow week. It's all about dreaming big here at Celebrity Slam; what bigger dream could there be than a nice solid overlap in the Venn diagrams of Justin Bieber and the Kardashians?

All that's left is coming up with a solid portmanteau. 'Jourtney' might work, but we're partial to 'Bieberdashian.'


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