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Celebrity Slam - 11-02-11

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Until death?

Everyone makes mistakes. Even famous people. However, there are varying levels of 'mistake.' Celebrity Slam isn't interested in your everyday accidents or errors in judgment. Nobody's perfect in this world; CS doesn't hold celebrities to a higher standard than anyone else. Just the same standard. It's when the spotlight seekers fail to live up to even that standard that they appear in this space.

This brings us to Kim Kardashian.

The celebrisphere is abuzz with the recent revelation that Ms. Kardashian has filed for divorce from NBA player Kris Humphries after a mere 72 days of wedded bliss, citing 'irreconcilable differences.'

A number of reasons were bandied about with regards to the cause of the separation. He wanted them to move to Minnesota and she didn't want to go. He was starting to get into the whole 'Hollywood' thing and she didn't like it. Regardless of the reason, the papers were filed. Coincidentally, said filing took place exactly one year to the day after the two erstwhile lovebirds first met.

Meanwhile, Humphries claimed to have been 'blindsided' by the news and says that he found out about the divorce from TMZ rather than from Kardashian herself. According to reports, Humphries has expressed a desire to work things out.

Good luck with that, buddy.

It's sad, really; if two people whose entire relationship is built on a foundation of reality television and fame-whoring can't make it work, what hope do the rest of us have? After all, nothing says true love like turning every moment of your courtship - from first meeting to dating to marriage to domestic bliss - into a made-for-television spectacle. Watching those two crazy kids carry on stilted, dead-eyed conversations as the camera rolled really made the old heart go pitter-pat. The sweet murmurings of romance sound so much better when they're being recited by rote from a cue card. Love conquers all.

Well, except for maybe a spotlight addiction. Or Nielsen ratings.

As you may have guessed by this point, we're going to be spending a little bit more time than usual dealing with these circumstances. In the world of celebrity gossip, this news is a force of nature. It is a twisting cyclone of crassness, its swirling winds sweeping away any mention of Charlie Sheen and 'Real Housewives of Who-Gives-A-Crap' and dominating any and all media coverage.

But why? Can this news possibly come as a surprise to anyone? Unless you're lucky enough to have gotten this far in your life without ever having heard of the Kardashians (and if that's the case, how are you even getting enough light in your cave to read this?), you know exactly what Kim and her ilk are all about.

Fame and money. In that order.

As for Humphries, it's tough to feel bad for the guy. As he appears to have a functioning brain, he had to understand what it was he was getting himself into. Seriously, dude - you married a chick who made a sex tape with the intent of getting famous. She nailed Ray J on camera, man; clearly, this is someone who will do absolutely anything for fame. If that means marrying a marginal NBA player and then divorcing him inside of three months, so be it. She's certainly done worse. For you to act like this is some big shocker - especially after you got yourself an agent and talked about 'expanding the Kris Humphries brand' - is disingenuous at best. You were using her just like she was using you, my friend - she just finished first.

We could go on and on about how stuff like this cheapens marriage and all that, but it would be belaboring the point. We all already know that these celebrity couplings tend to be aimed at drumming up publicity. However, most of these 'couples' just go on a few dates, maybe conspicuously make out in front of the paparazzi at some restaurant valet station, answer a few questions for US Weekly and then quietly break up once the push for the movie/TV show/album is done. They don't get married.

The weird thing is that Kim's sister Khloe pulled what most of us thought would be the same sort of deal when she married Lamar Odom from the Lakers. It may have even started out as that kind of set-up. But now? I think the two of them actually like each other. They may even love each other. Funny when actual love between a husband and wife constitutes a shocking twist.

That's what you get for hanging with a Kardashian, Mr. Humphries. Guess you couldn't keep up.

Last modified on Monday, 19 December 2011 16:14


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