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Celebrity Slam - (01-27-2016)

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Crazy in B.o.B.-flat

Sometimes, filling this space can be tough. The foibles of the rich and famous don't operate on any sort of timetable. As delightful as it would be to be able to control the whens and wheres of celebrity missteps, things simply don't work that way. We must sit and wait patiently and hope that someone somewhere will say or do something worthy of our scorn and derision.

However, there are some weeks when a beautiful piece of celebrity lunacy springs forth fully-formed as if leaping from the head of a pop culture Zeus. Those weeks are the best weeks. Thanks to hip-hop artist B.o.B., this is one such week. Why?

Because B.o.B. is a proponent of the Flat Earth theory and he took to Twitter recently to tell us all about it.

The barrage of tweets consisted of a number of personal observations regarding the horizon specifically, why he can't see the curve. He also argued that the world has an edge that is guarded by the good people of NASA. There's a brief digression where he claims he was flying at the same time as Felix Baumgartner's Red Bull-sponsored space jump and once again was unable to see the curve. There was something about GoPro cameras having curved lenses (?) and then something else about the horizon always being at eye level. Next up were the badly-made JPGs of questionable provenance and some chunks of what appear to be a 'scholarly' work regarding the aforementioned flatness.

B.o.B. refuses to be pigeonholed as one specific brand of crazy truther, however. He also took time to question the moon landing before going into a whole thing about celebrity cloning, arguing that basically any time a famous person changes in any way, it's because he/she has been replaced by a clone.

As he often does in the face of pop culture pseudoscience, astrophysicist and celebrity science guy Neil deGrasse Tyson took to Twitter to try and explain, you know, reality to B.o.B. Tyson did his best to alleviate the rapper's concerns with things like science, but the hip-hop star was undeterred. In fact, he doubled down in the most insane/awesome manner possible.

He released a track, of course.

Called 'Flatline,' the song not only features the aforementioned conspiracies, but also references a prominent Holocaust denier, David Icke's lizard people and the Freemasons (along with other assorted goodies from the lunatic fringe). In addition, there's a lengthy sample of who else? Neil deGrasse Tyson talking about the formation of the Earth.

As someone who has long been fascinated by the world of conspiracy theories, I am obviously delighted by this whole situation. Admittedly, my familiarity with B.o.B. begins and ends with the fact that he was a headliner at KahBang one time, but still this is awesome. There's nothing quite as fun as when a famous person decides to strap on the old tin foil hat and let their freak flag fly.

(Props to Dr. Tyson for trying to set things straight, by the way, but as I'm sure he already knows, getting people to change their minds on the internet is a quest fit only for a fool and Mrs. Tyson didn't raise any fools.)

Obviously, the flat earth stuff would have been more than enough, but it seems as though young B.o.B. has gone with a sort of conspiracy theory buffet. Not content to open our eyes to the vast conspiracy of planetary flatness, he also drops some moon landing skepticism on us. However, it's the seamless shift to celebrity clone centers that really makes this whole thing a masterpiece of sheeple-waking. It really is magnificent.

On the one hand, there's something almost admirable about a fairly successful entertainer voicing his beliefs when he has to know full well that he's flying in the face of conventional wisdom. On the other hand, his beliefs are utterly crazy. It's a perfect storm of misplaced bravery and unacknowledged ignorance.

Of course, this might also be some sort of exquisitely-realized troll-job performance art. If that is the case, well[slow clap]. Bravo, sir. Consider my cap tipped.

All in all, it's a beautiful thing. Honestly, the only thing that could make this better is if Dr. Tyson drops a track of his own.


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