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Celeb Slam (04-13-2016)

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Neil-Cage match

Our affinity for beefs in this space is well-documented at this point. We just love it when famous folks get into it with one another; via the interwebs or face-to-face, it doesn't really matter so long as they're saying and doing outlandish things and just generally throwing shade like sequoias.

However, the very best celebrity-on-celebrity attacks are the ones that you don't see coming. Some combinations of famous folks just don't occur to you, pairings that seem a bit weird. Sure, after the fact, they usually make an odd kind of sense, but you rarely make the initial leap required to see that connection.

That's why the recent in-the-street altercation between actor Nicolas Cage and Motley Crue frontman Vince Neil is particularly special.

It all went down in Las Vegas (because of course it did). According to reports, the incident occurred at around 5 p.m. on Thursday afternoon. Cage and Neil were hanging out together (because of course they were) and doing some lunchtime drinking (because OF COURSE they were) at the Aria Hotel on the Vegas strip. Apparently, a woman approached Cage and asked for an autograph something with which Neil apparently took umbrage.

Initial reports had Neil grabbing the woman by her hair and pulling her to the ground, which the singer denies. However, law enforcement officials did review the casino security tape and whatever he did, it was enough to get him cited for battery.

Regardless, what followed was a bit of a slapfight/wrestling match between Neil and Cage that spilled out into the street. Video from the scene captured the tail end of the donnybrook, in which Cage puts Neil in some sort of half-nelson and shouts 'I f---ing love you, but stop this st now!'

(Tangentially related, but worthy of note: apparently Carrot Top was ALSO dining and drinking with Cage and Neil, but bolted when the trouble started and was nowhere to be seen when the police arrived. Typical Carrot Top.)

So there we have it. Kind of a lot to unpack here.

We'll start with this weirdo lunch trio. Seriously that's a pretty random assemblage. They're basically a Pauly Shore away from being the green room at a mid-90s edition of the MTV Video Music Awards. They're collectively about half-a-century past their peaks. Who knows? Maybe Vince needed to ask Nic for money and brought Carrot Top along to keep it from being awkward.

We make fun of Nic Cage a lot for the bizarre choices that he makes. He appears in ridiculous movies playing lunatic characters that have seemingly bled into his real life to an unsettling degree. The twitchy, cursing guy in that video would be right at home in just about any Cage project this century. And the brawling in the street? Well, heck at least he's taken a step away from buying pyramids and trying to be Elvis and/or Superman.

Vince Neil, on the other hand what a d-bag. You just know that this whole thing was sparked by this person approaching Cage for an autograph and flat-out not having any idea who Vince Neil is. He's definitely the kind of guy who would go into 'Don't you know who I am?' rage-mode at the drop of a hat exactly He's the biggest has-been of the bunch, and when that bunch includes Carrot Top, wellyour time has pretty much passed.

At least Cage tried to do his best to defuse the unreasonably escalated situation, but it's clear that old Vince was having none of it. Cage's profession of his affection ('I f---ing love you') combined with his plea for peace ('cut the st') is the sort of inadvertent hilarity that is rare, even in the realm of celebrity asshattery. As for Vince Neil, all we can say is that when Nicolas Cage is serving as the voice of reason, some sort of line has most definitely been crossed.

So yeah. To sum up: Nic Cage is a lunatic and Vince Neil is a garbage person. And Carrot Top is a punk.

But hey maybe this will give them something to talk about when the book club that we desperately hope they all belong to meets next weekend.

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