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Celeb Slam (04-06-2016)

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A Knight's tale

In the celebrity sphere, everything is relative. While there's plenty to scorn and deride when it comes to famous folks, the truth is that the reason those people are famous in the first place is because they appeal to a significant segment of the population. Maybe it's talent, maybe it's beauty, maybe it's the simple fact that they're in the public eye whatever it is, there are masses of people out there who constitute a fandom.

Ultimately, there's precious little universal consensus when it comes to celebrity. However, there's at least one thing upon which the vast majority of us can agree.

Suge Knight is a crazy person.

The latest cuckoo-bananas Knight's tale comes with the filing of legal documents in which Knight alleges that a massive conspiracy led to his being shot seven times back in 2014.

According to Knight's lawyer, surveillance video of the scene clearly shows L.A. County Sheriff's Deputy Henry Boyd letting the gunman into the club shortly before shots were fired. Knight further states that the gunman subsequently confessed to being paid $50,000 for the hit by Dr. Dre. He then claims that the same gunman was caught and inexplicably released by the Sheriff's Department.

The lawyer also says that he has access to video from LAX that allegedly shows Deputy Boyd helping the gunman to flee the country. In addition, he claims that Boyd was questioned before eventually resigning from the department.

As you might imagine, Dr. Dre's people have called the whole thing ridiculous.

Now, these are obviously the ravings of a madman, and yetisn't there something about it that ALMOST seems plausible? We all know just how heated these hip-hop beefs can get, especially considering the vast sums of money that are often involved. Is it really so far-fetched that Dr. Dre might have enlisted the assistance of the L.A. Sheriff's Department in an attempt to eliminate a rival? That he might have not only turned one cop, but basically corrupted the entire system?

I mean, yes, it is that far-fetched, but still what if it wasn't?

Make no mistake there's no doubt that Suge Knight legitimately believes all of this stuff to be true. This is a guy whose giant shiny head has become a never-silent echo chamber of arrogance and paranoia; in his mind, he absolutely lives in a world where his enemies can convince the cops to help destroy him. He dangled Vanilla Ice over a balcony by his ankles; is it any wonder that he thinks his universe operates under different rules?

It makes sense if I was Suge Knight, I'd probably be trying to construct a narrative that explains why I keep getting shot. I mean it can't be because of all the shady practices, the menacing threats or the acts of violence, right? Must be a conspiracy.

Video killed the basketball star

While we had some fun in this space with our traditional April Fools' Day lunacy, the unfortunate reality is that we missed out on one of the more bizarre celebrity stories of 2016 in the process.

For those who don't know, Los Angeles Lakers rookie D'Angelo Russell got his teammate Nick Young into some hot water recently. Russell recorded a video of Young apparently discussing his infidelities Young is engaged to rapper Iggy Azalea and said video somehow escaped onto the internet.

The fallout has been massive, with the Lakers locker room freezing out Russell and Young's engagement being thrown into question. Young has been consigned to the bench and will likely remain there; it has been said that his primary goal is to somehow salvage his relationship.

There has yet to be a legitimate explanation as to just how this happened. Nor do we know how much of Young's commentary was truth and how much was standard locker room bluster. Not that it matters what was said was said. There is no benefit of the doubt.

Let this be a lesson to all. In this day and age, literally everything that you record an e-mail, a text, a photo or a video can easily wind up online, regardless of whether you want it to or not. Think carefully when there's a camera pointed your way; you never know who will wind up seeing the result.

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