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edge staff writer


Celeb Slam - (03-09-2016)

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Nude beef

So despite our best efforts to spend a little more time separate from our good friends the Kardashians, good old Kim simply won't let us quit her. It had been, what, a couple of weeks since we mentioned her or her family in this space? Honestly, we'd love to leave it alone, but she makes it impossible.

Her latest foray into spotlight-sniffing exhibitionism comes from a photo she recently posted online. It's a nude pic because of course it is with the caption 'When you're like I have nothing to wear LOL.'

See, because she's naked. She doesn't have anything to wear so she's naked. Get it?

Now, this in and of itself is hardly news; it's unclear whether she's even physically capable of going more than a few hours without putting pictures of her boobs on the Internet. However, the reactions it inspired from Kim's fellow celebrities not to mention her reaction to those reactions really push this one into 'So very sorry folks, but Celebrity Slam can't leave this alone' territory.

We'll start with actress Chloe Grace Moretz, who viewed the situation as a bit of a teachable moment, tweeting 'I truly hope you realize how important setting goals are for young women, teaching them we have so much more to offer than our bodies.'

Kim's response? 'Let's all welcome @ChloeGMoretz to Twitter, since no one knows who she is. Your nylon cover is cute boo.'

Piers Morgan took a shot, tweeting 'I know the old man's $50 million in debt, Kim but this is absurd. Want me to buy you some clothes?'

Kim came back at Morgan with some sort of misguided Ashley Madison dig before adding 'Sorry I'm late to the party guys. I was busy cashing my 80 million video game check and transferring 53 million into our joint account.'

The silver medal in this situation goes to Bette Midler, who dropped an exceptional burn when she tweeted 'If Kim wants us to see a part of her we've never seen, she's gonna have to swallow the camera.'

Rather than seeking some ointment to treat Bette's burn, Kim instead replied with something about Midler being a 'fake friend' and a #dejavu that didn't really make a ton of sense.

However, the big winner in all of this though likely not quite famous enough to show up on Kim's radar is Danny Tamberelli.

(Remember him? He was Little Pete on 'The Adventures of Pete and Pete' back in the day. You didn't see it? You really should a delightfully quirky bit of kid-oriented absurdity from 20 years ago. But I digress)

Anyway, Tamberelli's take was to recreate the picture in his living room and post it on Instagram. As you might imagine, seeing that pose from a mid-30s former child star with an apparently-lax workout regimen really changes your perspective. His caption also spoofed Kim's: 'When you like don't have a job LOL! Monday's got me like @kimkardashian #sorrynotsorry #whoworeitbetter #careerkiller.'

(We're obviously not going to print the picture here, but it's easy enough to find and absolutely worth taking the time.)

As far as why this particular posting seemed to grip the imagination of Celebrity Twitter, well it's impossible to say. We're all aware that this is nothing new for Mrs. Kanye. However, one would think that after having spent so many years perfecting this shtick, she'd have developed some better comebacks.

Insults revolving around how no one knows who they are or how much more money you have than they do just come off as lame. Everyone knows that you're rich and famous that's why people are looking at your year-old naked selfie to begin with. Honestly, the best course of action is to take the high road and say nothing, but we all know that THAT isn't going to happen, so why not take a moment and compose some more effective invective.

Tell Moretz that the 'Carrie' reboot sucked. Tell Morgan that Larry King was a million times better. Tell Midler that 'Wind Beneath My Wings' is overrated. Seriously all three of those are better burns than yours and it took me five minutes. Get your beef game on point, Kim. There's no reason for you to be so bad at this.

Maybe ask your husband for some tips. The beef is strong with that one.

Last modified on Thursday, 10 March 2016 11:37


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