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Celeb Slab - (01-06-2016)

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Motley metaphor

Every so often, I'm confronted with an item that defies definition. These events, while not necessarily Slam-worthy, resonate and continue resonating. These are the moments when the general confines of this space must be shrugged off so that mention can be made of something wonderful.

This week, that moment is Tommy Lee.

For those who were unaware, Motley Crue is allegedly finishing up their last-ever tour. While we should all probably reserve judgment on the veracity of that claim rock and roll retirement has never been a cut-and-dried thing the fact remains that if they've reached the end, then they've gone out in a weird (and somehow weirdly appropriate) way.

In a New Year's Eve show at the Staples Center in Los Angeles, Lee took one final ride on the massive drum kit/roller coaster that the band has dubbed the Cruecifly (because of course they have). As he reached the ride's ill-conceived apex when he sat strapped to his stool upside down high above the crowd the Cruecifly chose to soar no more, leaving the drummer dangling helplessly as he waited for crew members to come rescue him.

To his credit, good old Tommy Lee did his best Tommy Lee, bantering with the crowd and asking to see their boobs; 'I wanna see the girl t---ies, the man t---ies, I don't give a fk.'

Delightful, no?

Again this isn't Tommy Lee's fault, per se. And yet, isn't there something oddly satisfying about seeing hubris such as this punished? At the tail end of a tour featuring a broken-down rock and roll relic, isn't it somehow fitting that the show should feature some symbol of rock excess literally breaking down? While there's no guarantee that this is in fact the end for the Crue, it speaks volumes that even their over-the-top stage show equipment is ready to call it quits.

And so we thank you, Cruecifly, for saying what we've all been thinking it's time to hang it up.

Foot-brawl

We don't spend a lot of time with athletes in this space. When we think of celebrities, we tend to think of actors, singers, reality stars and other entertainers of that ilk. However, our professional athletes are just as famous and often just as entertaining as their Hollywood ilk.

We spend even less time with athletes from the college ranks, if only because they are far less familiar.

Still, when a tremendously talented college athlete makes a tremendously bad choice and winds up in a tremendous heap of trouble, wellhere we are.

Trevone Boykin was the star quarterback at Texas Christian University. He was in San Antonio with his team as they prepared to face off against Oregon in the Alamo Bowl. Boykin was the leader of the prolific TCU offense and was expected to put on a show against the Ducks.

Note the numerous occurrences of the word 'was.'

According to a number of reports and a video, Boykin wound up getting into a brawl at a San Antonio bar a brawl that resulted in the quarterback punching a bicycle cop who was trying to break up the fight. Boykin was apparently fighting with employees who were trying to remove him from the premises; his teammates tried to pull him away, but he wound up charging at the officers who were trying to assist with the situation. He was ultimately arrested and charged with assaulting a police officer, resisting arrest and public intoxication.

Fans of college football know that Boykin was suspended for the Alamo Bowl, a game that TCU ended up losing to Oregon in triple overtime.

There's plenty to unpack here. One could ask the question: why was the guy at a bar just a few days before one of the biggest games of his career? We all know that oversight in the college football realm is lacking, but this much? The ego on this kid must be tremendous that video is a perfect portrait of the guy's sense of entitled invincibility.

My theory? This was all an elaborate set-up on the part of Nike CEO Phil Knight and other big-time Oregon boosters to negate TCU's primary offensive weapon. Scoff if you will, but sneaker money can make some stuff happen. Wake up, sheeple.

But weep not for young Trevone; after all, he's got an inevitable NFL flameout to look forward to.

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