Celebrity Slam (415)

Wednesday, 23 September 2020 11:53

Celebrity Slam - Kanye's stream of consciousness

Written by Allen Adams

There are a few areas into which we don’t like to venture here at Celebrity Slam. We prefer to stay out of the political realm as a rule; we’re not here to get into fights, we just want to make fun of celebrities. Also, we try to avoid any situations that potentially involve dangerous mental illness issues; there are some things that just aren’t funny.

That combination of factors means that we haven’t seen as much of our old friend Kanye West in this space as we once did. Between his on-again off-again struggles with emotional balance and his independent run for President, he ticks both of those boxes.

However, good old Kanye recently went on Twitter and unleashed a rant that culminated in a bizarre and pretty gross video. What were the contents of that video?

Don’t worry – we’ll get there.

Wednesday, 09 September 2020 12:36

Celebrity Slam - Danbury doo-doo redux

Written by Allen Adams

As a rule, we don’t tend to revisit stories in this space. Most of the time, there’s so much nonsense going on out there that there’s no need to dwell on a single story. And yes, we have tendencies toward similar TYPES of stories, but it’s rare that we revisit the same situation. When we have in the past, it has usually been to dig into ongoing descents into madness – Justin Bieber’s misspent youth, Charlie Sheen’s stretch of ongoing lunacy, the Huffman/Laughlin college admissions scandal.

But hey – “usually” doesn’t mean “always.”

Those who read the last installment of Celebrity Slam were treated to the story of John Oliver and his inexplicable war of words with the city of Danbury, Connecticut. After going after the city HARD on his HBO program “Last Week Tonight with John Oliver” back in August, hostilities – sorry, “hostilities” – escalated to the point where the mayor of Danbury posted a video saying that they would be naming the local sewage plant after the comedian.

Happily, this fight is STILL GOING.

Wednesday, 26 August 2020 08:58

Celebrity Slam - Danbury dumps on Oliver

Written by Allen Adams

Anyone who pays the least bit of attention to this space is aware of our proclivities here at Celebrity Slam. We like taking shots at famous people doing dumb things (the silly kind of dumb, not the hateful or hurtful kind of dumb). We also like creating portmanteaux for celebrity couples. None of this is a secret.

However, sometimes an item crosses our desk that doesn’t quite fit our usual patterns, yet still draws us in. And once in a great while, we get something that is illustrative of the Celebrity Slam ethos out there in the real world. Something where a regular person fully embodies the spirit of the Slam. And when we get one of those, well … you better believe we’re going in.

As you’ve probably guessed by now – we got one. And it is a doozy.

Wednesday, 12 August 2020 15:32

Celebrity Slam - Alias amorousness

Written by Allen Adams

As we ease our way back into the swing of things regarding Celebrity Slam, we find ourselves having to dig just a little bit deeper when it comes to finding items to feature in this space. The reality is that a good deal of our scorn and mockery is directed at famous people doing stupid and/or ridiculous things. But in the midst of the coronavirus pandemic, the opportunity for them to do those stupid and/or ridiculous things is lacking.

Another all-time favorite here at CS is the celebrity romance. Specifically, we do so adore the opportunity to generate a portmanteau. We’ve done a number of these over the years, all of which hold a special place in our hearts (although I think we can all agree that “Hiddleswift,” created for the blink-and-you’ll-miss-it pairing of actor Tom Hiddleston and singer Taylor Swift, is our masterpiece).

But again – people are staying in more and sticking close to home, thus proving unable to make the love connections that result in new celebrity pairings.

However, what if the romantic fires flare up between two famous folks who already have a preexisting relationship?

Thursday, 30 July 2020 12:52

Celebrity Slam - Beer pong and Bentleys

Written by Allen Adams

Fame is a funny thing. When a person achieves a certain level of fame, fortune and/or notoriety, the world in which they exist irrevocably changes. At that point, the force of their celebrity complete annihilates their perspective. They live in a bubble of sorts, one in which theirs is the only opinion that matters. It’s undoubtedly heavy stuff and probably makes perspective tough to come by.

There are many ways in which this in likely unhealthy, but one of the biggest is also one of the simplest: When you’re really famous, no one is going to tell you that your ideas are bad, even (or especially) if they actually are bad.

This brings us to noted musician/face tattoo aficionado Post Malone, who is in the early stages of executing one of these potentially wrongheaded ideas. Now, we’re not talking about buying a boat or opening a restaurant or becoming a cryptocurrency bro or any of the usual bad choices. This is something altogether different, something that is almost certainly a terrible idea but has a tiny chance to actually turn out brilliantly.

Post Malone wants to start a beer pong league. A global, professional beer pong league.

Wednesday, 15 July 2020 14:55

Celebrity Slam - On da patio

Written by Allen Adams

As we continue to deal with the ramifications of the pandemic, it’s important for us to do what we can to maintain some degree of normalcy. Yes, circumstances prevent us from living our lives exactly as we did before, but when the opportunity arises for us to safely do something that reminds us of our old lives, we should embrace it.

This is as true for the rich and famous as it is for us regular folks. Celebrities are left to deal with the new reality just as we are. One imagines that many of them are also looking for things – large and small – that remind them of the way things used to be. For some, that is going for a walk at a beloved spot or grabbing takeout from a favorite restaurant.

For 50 Cent, it’s flipping tables and getting into fights.

Thursday, 02 July 2020 11:39

Celebrity Slam - Grip it and rip it

Written by Allen Adams

Hello friends! We have returned!

Now that The Maine Edge is back in print, we here at Celebrity Slam have decided to make our way back as well. The truth is that in these trying times, it’s good to be able to have a laugh or two – particularly at the expense of the rich and famous, who despite everything going on in the world still manage to find time to say and do dumb and/or goofy things.

This week’s entry might not have as much star power as we usually see in this space, but it more than makes up for it in sheer joyous silliness. Believe it or not, we’re hitting the PGA links.

Specifically, we’re talking about the Travelers Championship, which took place over the weekend. And we’re talking about Ian Poulter, a veteran of professional golf with a decorated career. Why are we talking about Ian Poulter, you may ask?

Well … let’s just say that he gave a whole new meaning to the golf adage “grip it and rip it.”

Wednesday, 11 March 2020 12:47

Celebrity Slam - Incredible Journey

Written by Allen Adams

Full disclosure: we love us some celebrity conflict here at the Slam.

Obviously, we’re not looking for people to get genuinely hurt or anything like that. But beef is good for business in this space and we’re not ashamed to say so. Sure, we have some fun with romances and famous couple portmanteaux and all that jazz, but beef is our bread and butter.

And while we love a good Twitter beef between seemingly unconnected celebs (the absurdity factor is through the roof), it’s tough to do better that watching things blow up between people who have known (and loathed) one another for a long time.

With that – let’s talk about Journey.

Tuesday, 03 March 2020 11:59

Celebrity Slam - Fight the power

Written by Allen Adams

We don’t have many rules here at Celebrity Slam. For the most part, we allow ourselves free reign to mock and deride the famous for whatever nonsense and/or shenanigans they get up to. However, there are a couple of areas that we tend to try and steer clear of.

For instance, when people are genuinely hurt, physically or otherwise, we’re not interested. We’re here to have fun, and the truth is that there are some things – abuse, violence, etc. – that simply aren’t funny. And since we’re here to laugh … yeah. Pass.

We also generally avoid the political realm. That’s not because these people aren’t constantly putting their respective feet in it – they totally are – but we fancy ourselves as an escape of sorts. We don’t love the idea of the real world intruding on the churning whirlpool of good-natured snark we generate here.

However – rules are made to be broken.

We went back and forth about whether to address this story due to the political elements contained therein, but ultimately, we decided to go with it. The truth is, the politics are just a small part of the story, the lit fuse that led to a ridiculous detonation.

Yeah – we’re going to talk about Public Enemy. Specifically, we’re going to talk about the fact that founding member and hype man extraordinaire Flavor Flav has been kicked out of the band.

Wednesday, 26 February 2020 12:36

Celebrity Slam - A Jake Paul double dip

Written by Allen Adams

We’re probably revealing our age here, but we’re going to go ahead and put this on the record: Jake Paul is the worst. At best, he’s the second-worst behind his brother Logan, who is also the worst. Suffice it to say that no brother tandem in the history of anything has been as the worst as the Pauls.

This week, we’re focusing our attention on Jake, because he’s got a couple of things going on that are definitely deserving of our scorn.

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