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Celebrity Slam (405)

Wednesday, 19 February 2020 13:18

Celebrity Slam - Pull hitter

Written by Allen Adams

Believe it or not, there is rhyme and reason to the choices that we make here at Celebrity Slam. We do have specific ideas about the items we include in this space. Granted, we don’t always follow those ideas, but we definitely have them.

There’s some nuance to how we decide what warrants inclusion, but a straightforward way to think about it is this: the less famous a person is, the weirder/wilder their misdeed must be, and vice versa. Essentially, a Kardashian or a Bieber doesn’t have to do anything all that strange to get noticed in this space, but the lower on the celebrity scale you get, the higher the bizarreness quotient has to be.

This week, we’re talking about Toronto Blue Jays backup catcher Reese McGuire, so … it’s pretty out there. Literally, in fact.

Tuesday, 11 February 2020 10:56

Celebrity Slam - Pippi versus the porn star

Written by Allen Adams

One of the many weird side effects of our celebrity-obsessed pop culture is the bubbling up of bizarre cottage industries revolving around people on the fringes of fame being willing to say and do almost anything to maintain any kind of spotlight. Their thirst to be known is unquenchable, their capacity to sacrifice dignity nigh-infinite.

That’s why something like celebrity boxing exists. What better way to get attention than by agreeing to throw punches at another has-been or barely-was? It is crude and exploitative, but hey – any attention is good attention, right?

Take Celebrity Boxing, a promotion run by a kinda shady dude named Damon Feldman wherein D-listers sign on to whale on each other for the delight of … well, we don’t really know WHO this kind of thing delights, but they apparently exist, so there you go.

Feldman’s latest fight is a weird match even by the already bizarre standards of Celebrity Boxing. In one corner, we have Mary Carey, noted porn star and spotlight hound. In the other, we have Tami Erin, whose main claim to fame is playing the titular role in 1988’s “The New Adventures of Pippi Longstocking.”

That’s right – it’s Pippi versus the porn star. The bout is scheduled to go down on April 18, at a Miami strip joint called – and we swear this is true – The Booby Trap.

Tuesday, 04 February 2020 10:27

Celebrity Slam - Love, fame and playing the game

Written by Allen Adams

We like to believe that we have our collective finger on the pop cultural pulse here at Celebrity Slam. And in some ways, we do. However, the reality is that the zeitgeist is a good deal slipperier than it was even just a few short years ago. The world in which this feature began is very different than the one in which it currently exists.

There are LOTS more famous people out there than there used to be. Many of those people are famous for similar reasons to those who came before, but with the incredible breadth of entertainment offerings that currently surround us, no one (particularly old and lazy people such as ourselves) can expect to fully keep up.

All of this is a long-winded way of saying that there’s some kind of Halsey/G-Eazy/Meg Thee Stallion love triangle controversy thing and we’re not at all sure how to address it because we have only the vaguest idea of who any of these people are.

Wednesday, 29 January 2020 13:29

Celebrity Slam - Ex factor

Written by Allen Adams

Finding love isn’t easy. So many of us go through an assortment of trials and tribulations as we seek the person with whom we hope to spend the rest of our lives. And the reality is that even when we believe we’ve found that someone, circumstances don’t always allow our romantic plans to come to fruition.

This is all even MORE complicated when one or both of the parties involved is famous. Fame takes the everyday problems that come from relationships and amplifies them – both the lows and the highs are cranked up to 11, leaving the people involved struggling to work through whatever needs working through.

That being said, it ALSO seems that famous people have a much harder time behaving like civilized grown-ups when those relationships blow up. The glare of the spotlight is intense, and having the general public picking over the debris and detritus of a failed romance has to be hard. Still, at some point, one would assume folks would have to start acting like adults.

Alas, no.

A perfect example comes from the romantic disaster that was the Nicki Minaj/Meek Mill pairing. Those two called it quits some time ago, but a recent incident at a West Hollywood clothing store illustrates that even though both have moved on, the wounds from the situation remain fresh.

Wednesday, 22 January 2020 13:40

Celebrity Slam - Beef: It’s what’s for breakfast

Written by Allen Adams

It’s no secret that we here at Celebrity Slam love beef. We are never happier than when we have the opportunity to dig into some Grade-A prime cut celebrity beef. We love it when famous people get into ridiculous conflicts with one another for no discernible reason. The pettier, the better.

And these beefs are rendered even more appealing when they are between two figures who have no apparent connection. Sure, the beefs between musicians or athletes or whatever are fun, because they’re coming at it from a place of shared perspective. But it’s the beefs that make no sense at all that are the best of all. There’s nothing better than two famous people whose orbits simply don’t intersect, whose Venn diagram is just two circles, getting into it.

Granted, those sorts of beefs are relatively rare, which makes them all the more precious when they do turn up. And sometimes you get a beef that is legitimately weird, the sort of feud that feels like it was created via Mad Libs.

A beef like that between Mark Wahlberg and Dr. Oz. Oh yeah – it’s a thing.

Wednesday, 15 January 2020 13:30

Celebrity Slam - Hood hopping with Julian Edelman

Written by Allen Adams

Based as we are here in Maine, it probably comes as no surprise that the folks at Celebrity Slam are big fans of the NFL’s New England Patriots. We’re homers to the core, we are.

That means that we’ve really been able to enjoy the unprecedented success of the past two decades. One could argue that no other team has been as consistently successful for as long in the history of the NFL.

But even consistent success doesn’t mean winning a title every year. And this year was one of the non-title seasons, with the Patriots falling to the Tennessee Titans in the wild card round of the NFL playoffs. It’s the earliest end to a New England football season in a decade. So what are the Patriots players doing with their spare time?

Let’s ask Julian Edelman.

The star wide receiver for the Patriots landed in a little bit of hot water over the weekend after getting arrested following an incident that allegedly involved him jumping onto the hood of a car.

Tuesday, 07 January 2020 12:00

Celebrity Slam - From 'Full House' to the big house

Written by Allen Adams

With a new year, you can expect some new names and faces here at Celebrity Slam. Part of the joy of the year is slowly learning who the big weirdo and/or a-hole is going to be. Sometimes, they come in hot and heavy. Other times, it’s a slow build. Either way, it’s someone new.

But just because we’re in a new year and awaiting the Biggest D-Bag of 2020’s coming out party doesn’t mean that we’re no longer going to look back at the delightful idiocy that we got to enjoy in 2019.

This week, we’re going to continue a story from last year. A favorite story, actually. We’re going to talk about the still-exquisitely named law enforcement operation Varsity Blues, in which numerous people – including actors Felicity Huffman and Lori Loughlin – were caught committing various levels of crime in an effort to ensure college admission for their jerk kids.

The fallout has been real. Huffman already went to jail, serving 11 days of a two-week sentence. But Loughlin, whose efforts were considerably more involved than Huffman’s, is looking at a much bleaker potential sentence. If things don’t go her way, she could be looking at two or three years in for-real prison. That’s no joke, but what she’s doing in advance of that possibility kind of sounds like one.

You see, Loughlin has reportedly hired a prison consultant.

Monday, 23 December 2019 21:41

Celebrity Slam - 2019 Year in Review

Written by Allen Adams

One of the things that we love to do as every year comes to a close is take a look back on everything that we addressed in this space over the past 12 months. It’s a chance to say good-bye to the year’s wackiness and weirdness of the celebrity sphere. Some of it good, some of it bad … and a whole lot of it just plain dumb.

Let’s take a minute to look back at just a few of the highlights (or lowlights) from Celebrity Slam 2019.

Tuesday, 17 December 2019 12:48

Celebrity Slam - Big Derulo Energy

Written by Allen Adams

Celebrities are always saying and/or doing dumb and/or weird stuff. It’s part of the package for a lot of these folks, and for whatever reason, their method of coping with fame involves losing track of what it means to interact with others like a normal human.

Now, most of the dumbness/weirdness is fairly predictable. Silly social media beefs. “Don’t you know who I am?” moments. General awkwardness brought about by a lack of self-awareness. The usual business.

But every once in a while, a celebrity gets weird in public about something unexpected. Something that you’d never in a million years consider discussing in a small group of strangers, let alone sharing with the world. Something … different.

So – we need to talk about Jason Derulo’s penis.

Tuesday, 10 December 2019 11:26

Celebrity Slam - Déjà vu, Steve Harvey-style

Written by Allen Adams

It doesn’t always take much to land a spot in this space. Depending on the week, it doesn’t necessarily require a whole lot in either fame or severity of offense. We’ve obviously had our favorites over the years – various celebs have enjoyed a few months of steady attention from us.

But then there are those who wind up making multiple appearances, but for reasons that are strange and/or unique to their specific circumstances. Those opportunities are rare, but we sure do enjoy them when they come along.

And this week, we’ve got one.

Remember a few years back when Steve Harvey did the whole thing where he announced the wrong winner at the Miss Universe pageant? Remember how ridiculous that whole situation was and how embarrassing it was for everyone involved? Remember how somehow, Steve Harvey didn’t get fired and kept the job?

Now, if that were you, the last thing in the world you would want is another mishap along those lines. One would think that you would be laser focused on making sure that nothing remotely resembling that humiliating moment would ever happen to you again.

But what if it did? Or at least, it looked like it did?

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