Celebrity Slam (409)

Thursday, 02 July 2020 11:39

Celebrity Slam - Grip it and rip it

Written by Allen Adams

Hello friends! We have returned!

Now that The Maine Edge is back in print, we here at Celebrity Slam have decided to make our way back as well. The truth is that in these trying times, it’s good to be able to have a laugh or two – particularly at the expense of the rich and famous, who despite everything going on in the world still manage to find time to say and do dumb and/or goofy things.

This week’s entry might not have as much star power as we usually see in this space, but it more than makes up for it in sheer joyous silliness. Believe it or not, we’re hitting the PGA links.

Specifically, we’re talking about the Travelers Championship, which took place over the weekend. And we’re talking about Ian Poulter, a veteran of professional golf with a decorated career. Why are we talking about Ian Poulter, you may ask?

Well … let’s just say that he gave a whole new meaning to the golf adage “grip it and rip it.”

Wednesday, 11 March 2020 12:47

Celebrity Slam - Incredible Journey

Written by Allen Adams

Full disclosure: we love us some celebrity conflict here at the Slam.

Obviously, we’re not looking for people to get genuinely hurt or anything like that. But beef is good for business in this space and we’re not ashamed to say so. Sure, we have some fun with romances and famous couple portmanteaux and all that jazz, but beef is our bread and butter.

And while we love a good Twitter beef between seemingly unconnected celebs (the absurdity factor is through the roof), it’s tough to do better that watching things blow up between people who have known (and loathed) one another for a long time.

With that – let’s talk about Journey.

Tuesday, 03 March 2020 11:59

Celebrity Slam - Fight the power

Written by Allen Adams

We don’t have many rules here at Celebrity Slam. For the most part, we allow ourselves free reign to mock and deride the famous for whatever nonsense and/or shenanigans they get up to. However, there are a couple of areas that we tend to try and steer clear of.

For instance, when people are genuinely hurt, physically or otherwise, we’re not interested. We’re here to have fun, and the truth is that there are some things – abuse, violence, etc. – that simply aren’t funny. And since we’re here to laugh … yeah. Pass.

We also generally avoid the political realm. That’s not because these people aren’t constantly putting their respective feet in it – they totally are – but we fancy ourselves as an escape of sorts. We don’t love the idea of the real world intruding on the churning whirlpool of good-natured snark we generate here.

However – rules are made to be broken.

We went back and forth about whether to address this story due to the political elements contained therein, but ultimately, we decided to go with it. The truth is, the politics are just a small part of the story, the lit fuse that led to a ridiculous detonation.

Yeah – we’re going to talk about Public Enemy. Specifically, we’re going to talk about the fact that founding member and hype man extraordinaire Flavor Flav has been kicked out of the band.

Wednesday, 26 February 2020 12:36

Celebrity Slam - A Jake Paul double dip

Written by Allen Adams

We’re probably revealing our age here, but we’re going to go ahead and put this on the record: Jake Paul is the worst. At best, he’s the second-worst behind his brother Logan, who is also the worst. Suffice it to say that no brother tandem in the history of anything has been as the worst as the Pauls.

This week, we’re focusing our attention on Jake, because he’s got a couple of things going on that are definitely deserving of our scorn.

Wednesday, 19 February 2020 13:18

Celebrity Slam - Pull hitter

Written by Allen Adams

Believe it or not, there is rhyme and reason to the choices that we make here at Celebrity Slam. We do have specific ideas about the items we include in this space. Granted, we don’t always follow those ideas, but we definitely have them.

There’s some nuance to how we decide what warrants inclusion, but a straightforward way to think about it is this: the less famous a person is, the weirder/wilder their misdeed must be, and vice versa. Essentially, a Kardashian or a Bieber doesn’t have to do anything all that strange to get noticed in this space, but the lower on the celebrity scale you get, the higher the bizarreness quotient has to be.

This week, we’re talking about Toronto Blue Jays backup catcher Reese McGuire, so … it’s pretty out there. Literally, in fact.

Tuesday, 11 February 2020 10:56

Celebrity Slam - Pippi versus the porn star

Written by Allen Adams

One of the many weird side effects of our celebrity-obsessed pop culture is the bubbling up of bizarre cottage industries revolving around people on the fringes of fame being willing to say and do almost anything to maintain any kind of spotlight. Their thirst to be known is unquenchable, their capacity to sacrifice dignity nigh-infinite.

That’s why something like celebrity boxing exists. What better way to get attention than by agreeing to throw punches at another has-been or barely-was? It is crude and exploitative, but hey – any attention is good attention, right?

Take Celebrity Boxing, a promotion run by a kinda shady dude named Damon Feldman wherein D-listers sign on to whale on each other for the delight of … well, we don’t really know WHO this kind of thing delights, but they apparently exist, so there you go.

Feldman’s latest fight is a weird match even by the already bizarre standards of Celebrity Boxing. In one corner, we have Mary Carey, noted porn star and spotlight hound. In the other, we have Tami Erin, whose main claim to fame is playing the titular role in 1988’s “The New Adventures of Pippi Longstocking.”

That’s right – it’s Pippi versus the porn star. The bout is scheduled to go down on April 18, at a Miami strip joint called – and we swear this is true – The Booby Trap.

Tuesday, 04 February 2020 10:27

Celebrity Slam - Love, fame and playing the game

Written by Allen Adams

We like to believe that we have our collective finger on the pop cultural pulse here at Celebrity Slam. And in some ways, we do. However, the reality is that the zeitgeist is a good deal slipperier than it was even just a few short years ago. The world in which this feature began is very different than the one in which it currently exists.

There are LOTS more famous people out there than there used to be. Many of those people are famous for similar reasons to those who came before, but with the incredible breadth of entertainment offerings that currently surround us, no one (particularly old and lazy people such as ourselves) can expect to fully keep up.

All of this is a long-winded way of saying that there’s some kind of Halsey/G-Eazy/Meg Thee Stallion love triangle controversy thing and we’re not at all sure how to address it because we have only the vaguest idea of who any of these people are.

Wednesday, 29 January 2020 13:29

Celebrity Slam - Ex factor

Written by Allen Adams

Finding love isn’t easy. So many of us go through an assortment of trials and tribulations as we seek the person with whom we hope to spend the rest of our lives. And the reality is that even when we believe we’ve found that someone, circumstances don’t always allow our romantic plans to come to fruition.

This is all even MORE complicated when one or both of the parties involved is famous. Fame takes the everyday problems that come from relationships and amplifies them – both the lows and the highs are cranked up to 11, leaving the people involved struggling to work through whatever needs working through.

That being said, it ALSO seems that famous people have a much harder time behaving like civilized grown-ups when those relationships blow up. The glare of the spotlight is intense, and having the general public picking over the debris and detritus of a failed romance has to be hard. Still, at some point, one would assume folks would have to start acting like adults.

Alas, no.

A perfect example comes from the romantic disaster that was the Nicki Minaj/Meek Mill pairing. Those two called it quits some time ago, but a recent incident at a West Hollywood clothing store illustrates that even though both have moved on, the wounds from the situation remain fresh.

Wednesday, 22 January 2020 13:40

Celebrity Slam - Beef: It’s what’s for breakfast

Written by Allen Adams

It’s no secret that we here at Celebrity Slam love beef. We are never happier than when we have the opportunity to dig into some Grade-A prime cut celebrity beef. We love it when famous people get into ridiculous conflicts with one another for no discernible reason. The pettier, the better.

And these beefs are rendered even more appealing when they are between two figures who have no apparent connection. Sure, the beefs between musicians or athletes or whatever are fun, because they’re coming at it from a place of shared perspective. But it’s the beefs that make no sense at all that are the best of all. There’s nothing better than two famous people whose orbits simply don’t intersect, whose Venn diagram is just two circles, getting into it.

Granted, those sorts of beefs are relatively rare, which makes them all the more precious when they do turn up. And sometimes you get a beef that is legitimately weird, the sort of feud that feels like it was created via Mad Libs.

A beef like that between Mark Wahlberg and Dr. Oz. Oh yeah – it’s a thing.

Wednesday, 15 January 2020 13:30

Celebrity Slam - Hood hopping with Julian Edelman

Written by Allen Adams

Based as we are here in Maine, it probably comes as no surprise that the folks at Celebrity Slam are big fans of the NFL’s New England Patriots. We’re homers to the core, we are.

That means that we’ve really been able to enjoy the unprecedented success of the past two decades. One could argue that no other team has been as consistently successful for as long in the history of the NFL.

But even consistent success doesn’t mean winning a title every year. And this year was one of the non-title seasons, with the Patriots falling to the Tennessee Titans in the wild card round of the NFL playoffs. It’s the earliest end to a New England football season in a decade. So what are the Patriots players doing with their spare time?

Let’s ask Julian Edelman.

The star wide receiver for the Patriots landed in a little bit of hot water over the weekend after getting arrested following an incident that allegedly involved him jumping onto the hood of a car.

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