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Celebrity Slam (327)

Tuesday, 07 August 2018 14:14

Celebrity Slam - NASCAR CEO DUI

Written by Allen Adams

We’re not all that fussy here at Celebrity Slam. We’re not interested in limiting our reach with regards to who we focus on with our taunting and teasing. We don’t care WHY you’re famous, nor do we really give a crap about HOW famous you are. If you operate in the public eye in the entertainment realm, then you are fair game for us.

The previous paragraph is a long-winded way of explaining how our current subject wound up here. As you can see from this week’s title, our story features a whole lot of letters. And left turns.

Brian France is the chairman and CEO of NASCAR, a position that makes him one of the most powerful people in American professional sports. He is doubtless a BFD in most of the circles in which he travels. Such a BFD, in fact, that he thought he was going to be able to get away with driving drunk in the Hamptons.

But here’s the thing – the police in the Hamptons aren’t even a little impressed by how famous you are.

Wednesday, 01 August 2018 08:17

Celebrity Slam - Pratt falls

Written by Allen Adams

It’s that time again, folks. We here at Celebrity Slam are once again getting the opportunity to do one of our favorite things ever. Now, it isn’t our usual scorn and mockery – this is not an item driven by derision. No, it’s a joyful thing – albeit one that we can still have plenty of fun with.

It’s another celebrity relationship! Two famous people have hooked up and have shown themselves in public as a dating unit! And you all know what that means!

CELEBRITY PORTMANTEAU TIME!

Tuesday, 24 July 2018 14:16

Celebrity Slam - Lochte's splash and burn

Written by Allen Adams

We’re not afraid to play fast and loose with the notion of what exactly the term “celebrity” entails. For the most part, we stick to pretty standard notions of what it means to be a celebrity and normal levels of popularity and pop cultural cachet. Well, for a given value of “normal,” at any rate. But that doesn’t mean we’re bound by the TMZ definition of celebrity.

Occasionally, we’ll make note of an individual that we’re perfectly aware is a reach, but for whatever reason, are irresistible in that specific moment. It all boils down to a single question: just what weirdness and/or idiocy are we going to get to discuss? The right words and deeds can earn the right person a whole lot of leeway as far as their level of fame is concerned. Whether that fame is niche or novel or long-past, we don’t care – we will not hesitate to write them up right here in this illustrious space if the story makes us laugh.

This brings us to Ryan Lochte.

Tuesday, 17 July 2018 15:10

Celebrity Slam - Depp charge

Written by Allen Adams

Our usual fare here at Celebrity Slam tends toward the verbal and/or self-inflicted mistakes of famous people. We love making fun of the stupid things that these people will say and mocking the idiotic things that they do; however, those actions don’t tend to be violent in nature as a rule. But sometimes they are, and as long as that violence is comedic rather than tragic, well … we’re all in.

Which brings us to Johnny Depp.

It’s no secret that Mr. Depp has been on a bit of a prolonged and relatively slow-moving downward spiral. We’re not going to talk about all of that awfulness right now, though please know that we’re aware of how strange and terrible things are in Captain Jack’s world at the moment.

What we ARE going to talk about is the fact that he punched a guy on set for what really does seem to be no reason at all.

Monday, 02 July 2018 15:23

Celebrity Slam - Mob Wife vs. Teen Mom

Written by Allen Adams

One of the realities of working on a weekly feature such as Celebrity Slam is the fact that the term “celebrity” means different things to different people. Fame is a relative thing – just because we personally are unfamiliar with someone doesn’t mean they’re any less famous.

Reality television has further blurred the lines, because we now have a wealth of celebrities who aren’t really famous for anything other than being famous. It has become a self-propagating beast, churning out ostensibly attractive and aggressively off-putting “stars” with factory-floor regularity. There are just so many – it’s impossible to know them all. And despite our ignorance, they ARE famous – their shows are inexplicably adored by a not-insignificant number of people.

And due to the nature of the game, sometimes these “stars” have to square off against each other. Whether it’s within the confines of their own shows or in the larger reality TV-sphere, part of the deal is conflict. The more conflict you can generate – genuine or otherwise – the better.

Which brings us to the budding beef between Drita D’Avanzo and Farrah Abraham.

Tuesday, 26 June 2018 13:50

Celebrity Slam - Fighting for free? Dumb!

Written by Allen Adams

Every once in a while, we like to mix things up here at Celebrity Slam. Sure, our focus is usually on the entertainment world, but sometimes we like to venture onto the playing fields and bring athletes into the mix. There’s a fair degree of overlap, after all, and besides – fame and fortune generated by sporting endeavors is just as ego-inflating as anything you’ll get from excelling at screen or song.

However, one thing that you would think all famous people – in all arenas – would understand is that they should probably not use their own specific skill sets for free. This is what you do for a living – don’t go giving it away.

But try telling that to mixed martial artist Nate Diaz.

Tuesday, 19 June 2018 14:55

Celebrity Slam - (Un)Happy Father’s Day

Written by Allen Adams

We tend to keep things fairly light here at Celebrity Slam. The sort of chicanery that we point out is usually relatively innocuous – famous people saying something dumb or behaving like a moron – and that’s only when we aren’t making up new portmanteaus or digging into some delicious beef.

However, sometimes, we get a celebrity behaving in a way that genuinely warrants all of the scorn and derision that we can heap upon them.

We all know that rock star Tommy Lee is a bit of a scumbag. From his early days in Motley Crue right up until now, he’s been something of a jerk. But he recently took things a bit too far with regards to one of his sons.

Tuesday, 12 June 2018 14:15

Celebrity Slam - Whirlwind romance

Written by Allen Adams

We’ve spent the past couple of weeks really digging into the ridiculous beef between Drake and Pusha T. And as anyone who follows this space with regularity knows, we sure do enjoy that sizzling steak – steak that those two have served up piping hot and perfectly prepared.

But we’re not solely beef-focused here at Celebrity Slam (though we obviously embrace it); we thought we might indulge in our other great love this week.

That’s right – it’s new celebrity couple time!

We’ve got to get into the whole Ariana Grande/Pete Davidson thing. We were planning on giving that relationship a little time to develop – they’ve only been a thing for something like a month – but the pop star and “SNL” player clearly think waiting is for suckers … because they’re officially engaged.

Yeah. Really.

Tuesday, 05 June 2018 15:09

Celebrity Slam - Even beefier

Written by Allen Adams

Since Celebrity Slam is a weekly feature, sometimes we have issues with timing. The truth is that while we’re always on the hunt for celebrity nonsense to scorn, deride and/or mock, we occasionally have to jump in on something a little early. We have to take a swing despite feeling fairly confident that further developments are just around the corner.

Last week, we talked about the Drake/Pusha T beef. Some diss tracks had volleyed back and forth and Drake had submitted an invoice to Pusha requesting payment for exposure deemed key to Pusha’s career. It was one of those situations where we were pretty sure there was more to come, but we wanted to get after it anyway.

If you’ve been following this thing at all, you know that we grossly underestimated just how much sizzle was going to spring from this particular steak.

Tuesday, 29 May 2018 13:58

Celebrity Slam - Services rendered

Written by Allen Adams

Man oh man – we’ve got some big beef brewing.

It’s no secret that we here at Celebrity Slam just love sinking our teeth into the sizzling steaks that result from hip-hop stars taking shots at one another. Tender, delicious beef that perfectly cooked and utterly delicious.

Now, we COULD be talking about the weird mess going on Kanye and Kim and rapper Rhymequest – it’s a whole thing about people calling each other out and accusations being leveled regarding the Chicago-area charity named after Kanye’s mom. But that one looks to have the potential to be ongoing and on-growing, so we’re going to leave it be for this week.

No, we’re going to talk about the beef between Drake and Pusha T, because this is some USDA prime stuff right here. We’re talking Black Angus. We’re talking Wagyu. We are talking high-end Kobe. Exceptional beef, is what we’re saying.

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