Celebrity Slam (469)

Wednesday, 20 October 2021 11:16

Celebrity Slam - An immodest proposal

Written by Allen Adams

Our affinity for celebrity romances is well-documented here at Celebrity Slam. Even when we have the opportunity to make fun of the misdeeds of the rich and famous, when the opportunity presents itself, we’re always going to go for the love story.

What can we say? We’re romantics.

So obviously, we’re going to have to talk about Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker and their recent engagement. That’s right – Travis popped the question and Kourtney said yes.

(This is the part where we talk about how happy we are that we did the heavy lifting and assembled their celebrity couple name back in April, after they’d been dating just a few months. We spent a good deal of time and energy coming up with our winner – Kourtnis Barkdashian. It was that all-too-rare opportunity to go with the double portmanteau, so obviously we took it. For the remainder of this story, we’ll use “Kourtnis,” but please understand that the “Barkdashian” is always – ALWAYS – implied.)

Tuesday, 12 October 2021 12:00

Alien identification

Written by Allen Adams

We here at Celebrity Slam are all about inclusion. We believe that it is important to be conscious of the manner in which people choose to be identified. We think that self-identification is a basic right, and that we should all strive to avoid using terminology that pushes against that identity.

That said, we occasionally see an item that leaves us scratching our heads and wondering just how we got here.

This brings us to Demi Lovato, who had some … interesting things to say while in the midst of promoting their new Peacock docuseries titled “Unidentified,” wherein they and their friends head out in search of proof of Martians or whatever (and ostensibly find some, but it wouldn’t be a show about aliens if someone wasn’t claiming proof of something somewhere).

Wednesday, 06 October 2021 12:50

Celebrity Slam - Hogs don't lie

Written by Allen Adams

We’ve been hearing a little bit from you folks in recent weeks. You’ve been sharing your thoughts – well, your complaints – about the direction in which this feature has been going. You claim that we’re getting soft, that more and more often, we’ve been addressing feel-good stories in this space rather than taking the rich and famous to task for their idiocy.

And honestly? You might be right.

The reality is that a lot of the celebrity lunacy out there isn’t really appropriate for the kind of snark we bring to the table. There are certain subjects that we don’t think are funny and certainly don’t merit the usual off-color scorn and derision we bring to the table. So yes, we have been taking things in a lighter direction as of late. Sorry about that.

That said, this week’s item might give you something to think about.

We’re going to be talking about Shakira. Specifically, the fact that last week, she and her kid were attacked by a pair of wild boars in Spain. The boars also stole her purse, according to the pop singer.

Oh, we have your attention now, do we?

Wednesday, 29 September 2021 12:08

Celebrity Slam - To boldly go ...

Written by Allen Adams

Look, we’re going to level with you here – there are times when this space is defined by necessity. Sometimes, we might not be particularly enthusiastic about an item, but the cupboard is bare that week. Hence, we tackle an item we might not otherwise.

Other times, it’s an embarrassment of riches, leaving us trapped in our own Celebrity Slam Sophie’s Choice-type situation, knowing that no matter what option we choose, we will be left with some regrets.

(We’re also pretty adamant about keeping it light in this feature, so don’t expect to see us discussing Britney Spears and R. Kelly here; ultimately, it’s supposed to be fun and there is nothing fun about situations like those.)

So there are two stories that have captured our attention this week. One involves a musician getting booed at a concert (along with some other delightful details). The other involves a beloved TV star getting to engage in real life with a notion that made him famous in the television world.

The first is Machine Gun Kelly. The second is William Shatner.

Oh, hell – who are we kidding? Screw MGK, we’re going with JTK – James Tiberius Kirk!

Wednesday, 22 September 2021 11:16

Celebrity Slam - Scoop! There it is!

Written by Allen Adams

You may have noticed a recent trend in this space to broaden our horizons somewhat. While we’ve always been amenable to addressing different sorts of celebrity stories here, beyond the usual egotistical idiocy and internet beefing, the truth is that we’ve spent a little more time embracing the more positive aspects of the celebrity sphere.

It’s not that we haven’t lost our edge – far from it. And it’s not that we’ve lost our affection for pointing out and punching up at the foibles of the rich and famous. It’s just that there’s something nice about using this space to celebrate rather than scorn sometimes. We’ve gotten a taste for it, and we like it.

And you know, speaking of great tastes …

If you own a television, you almost certainly have seen the Geico commercial featuring the ‘90s one-hit wonder hip-hop sensations Tag Team singing an adaptation of their iconic “Whoomp! There It Is” about delicious ice cream. God knows they play the thing enough. In particular, if you’re a football watcher, you have been inundated with that ad.

But if you’re like us, you’re not mad about it. In fact, you’re thrilled.

Tuesday, 14 September 2021 14:24

Celebrity Slam - MMA at the VMAs

Written by Allen Adams

One of the wonderful things about celebrity beef is that there are so many different flavors. You’ve got the long-simmering beef, where the players involved have been at it for years or even decades. You’ve got the fast-food beef, the conflicts that spring up and are almost immediately quashed – they burn hot, but briefly.

But then, you’ve got the surprise beef. It’s relatively rare, but this is the beef that pops up out of nowhere, between people that have no obvious connection to one another. Surprise beef is fun because it doesn’t always make sense. Often, crossover beef is surprise beef, when people celebrated in different spheres suddenly overlap in a Venn diagram of delightful idiocy.

This brings us to this past weekend, where Conor McGregor wound up in some kind of confrontation with Machine Gun Kelly while they were both on the red carpet for the MTV VMAs. We’re talking basically beef Mad Libs here; it’s like someone simply said two random famous names and suddenly they’re fighting.

Tuesday, 07 September 2021 14:05

Celebrity Slam - Pork and beef

Written by Allen Adams

Feuds between famous folks serve as a primary fuel source for this feature, right alongside celebrity romances. We love beef – the spicier, the better.

That said, there’s a wide variety of beef out there. The vast spectrum of beef ranges all over the map. Sometimes, you get two very famous people going after one another – that beef doesn’t have to be all that spicy to be noteworthy; megafame buys you a lot of leeway. The less capital-F Famous the participants are, the more outlandish the beef needs to be.

Every once in a while, though, you get one that is delightful for reasons that you never would have imagined. We’re not talking about Kobe or Wagyu – this is beef so precious and rare that there isn’t even a name for it. Magical beef. Transcendent beef.

And folks, have we got something for you.

By now, you’ve probably heard all about Kanye West’s new album “Donda.” It dropped amidst a bit of controversy, with all sorts of back and forth going on between Ye and Drake, who also had a new album. The two rappers took shots at each other, dropping diss tracks and generally being big old d-bags to one another. It’s fine, it’s part of the deal – hip-hop beef sells records, and neither of these guys is a fool when it comes to the business side of things.

But we’ve already talked about the Kanye/Drake beef. Good stuff, for sure – these are top-tier famous guys and they definitely felt plenty comfortable going hard after one another. And yet, somehow, this hasn’t even been the best “Donda”-adjacent beef to hit in recent days. What’s that? You can’t imagine how any beef could possibly outshine this particular conflict? You want to know what famous figure could engage in Kanye beef that would supersede Drake?

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you … Peppa Pig. Yes, really.

Wednesday, 01 September 2021 12:06

Celebrity Slam - Remembering Ed Asner

Written by Allen Adams

I’m as susceptible to sentimentality as anyone.

Sure, the vast majority of what happens in this space is scornful cynicism. Mockery and derision abound. And don’t get me wrong, there’s something deeply satisfying of poking fun at the various missteps and misdeeds of the rich and famous. Most weeks, that’s exactly what we do.

Hell, last week there was enough material for multiple Slams courtesy of Kanye alone.

However, sometimes, it’s important to recognize the truly great humans in the Hollywood sphere – particularly when the time comes for us to bid them a fond farewell.

The great Ed Asner passed away recently at the age of 91. And when I say “great,” I don’t mean as an actor – although he definitely was. I mean as a human being; all one has to do is look at the outpouring of affection that followed in the wake of his passing, story after story after story of Asner generally being a good dude.

And let’s be real – there aren’t enough good dudes in the world.

Wednesday, 25 August 2021 11:47

Celebrity Slam - Kanye/Drake beef is back!

Written by Allen Adams

Well folks – looks like beef is back on the menu!

We won’t belabor the enduring affection we have for famous feuds here at Celebrity Slam – if you’ve read this feature with any regularity, you’re already well aware of our feelings. But it had been a while since we were able to dig into that sizzling steak – the only beef-related story we’ve carried in the last couple of months revolved around Kanye and Jay-Z squashing their longtime conflict.

Happily, it turns out that while Yeezy was in a forgiving mood with regard to Jay, he’s still ready to get beefy if the situation calls for it. And thanks to a just-released track featuring Drake, our man Kanye is amped to throw down.

Wednesday, 18 August 2021 11:34

Celebrity Slam - A Shade is Born

Written by Allen Adams

Have you ever wondered how famous people feel when a project for which they are particularly known is remade? Living as we do in an era of reboots and remakes, one can imagine that a certain type of person is irritated or perhaps even infuriated by the fact that their superstar vehicle is now being driven by someone else.

However, we wouldn’t have guessed that Barbra Streisand was one of those people.

Streisand was appearing on an Australian talk show to promote her new album when she started throwing some shade at the 2018 version of “A Star is Born.” The film – which starred Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga – is the latest iteration of that story; the previous incarnation, released back in 1976, featured Kris Kristofferson and Babs herself.

In the interview, Streisand seemed to take the film to task for – wait for it – being unoriginal.

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