Celebrity Slam (363)

Wednesday, 24 April 2019 11:50

Celebrity Slam - Ball & chain & Cage

Written by Tim Bissell

One of the most interesting things about this feature is how quickly strange stuff can happen when it comes to celebrities. Everything plays out at an accelerated pace – including relationships.

We’ve seen a ton of romantic connection burn out rather than burn on; the nature of fame makes balancing the dynamics tricky. Maybe one person is more famous than the other. Maybe one person is famous and the other person isn’t famous at all. Either way, navigating the relationship is a difficult task.

But then you have celebs who take it into a whole different place. Celebs like Nicolas Cage, who we’re absolutely thrilled to be hosting in this space once again.

Wednesday, 17 April 2019 10:06

Celebrity Slam - Jay Cutler sucks

Written by Allen Adams

Generally, when we address items in this space, we tend toward the negative. We jeer, we scorn, we mock – it’s sort of our whole deal.

But sometimes we’re presented with something … different. Something that doesn’t really seem to match up with the usual Slam-tastic experience. Something that doesn’t warrant any kind of negativity on its face but is so random and/or just plain weird that we find ourselves unable to resist it siren song.

And so, we’re going to talk about Kristen Cavallari and Jay Cutler.

Wednesday, 10 April 2019 11:59

Celebrity Slam - Shamrock sucks

Written by Allen Adams

We’re not always about the biggest stories here at Celebrity Slam.

Given our longstanding flexibility with regards to what the term “celebrity” even means, it’s not surprising that sometimes we go with items featuring people who might be a little lower on the pop culture ladder. Sure, it’s fun to go after the superstars, but when you step down a tier or three, well … sometimes you find someone who REALLY deserves whatever they get.

So no, we will not be addressing the ongoing college admissions scandal and the famous people embroiled within it. Well, at least not at length – we will say that Felicity Huffman submitted a guilty plea and might dodge doing time (though prosecutors are looking for at least four months), while Lori Laughlin appears to have drastically overplayed her hand in refusing to plead out; the amount of money involved means that Aunt Becky could be facing a prison sentence of four years minimum.

Blah blah blah – we’ll talk about it at length at some point, but not this week. Right now, we’ve got someone on the hook for being just a real garbage pile. He’s not super famous, but he is famous enough for our purposes.

Former UFC star Frank Shamrock had a problem. He was moving his ailing mother out of her home and her new place wouldn’t allow her two dogs to come with her. Frank was able to get one of the dogs placed in a shelter, but the other one – a sweet girl named Zelda – was tougher to place. So did he buckle down and keep trying, doing his best for an animal beloved by his own mother?

Good reader, he did not.

Wednesday, 03 April 2019 12:05

Celebrity Slam - Flash in the can

Written by Allen Adams

Famous people have a tendency to believe that the rules don’t actually apply to them. They’ve been so coddled and enabled by the people around them – and the public at large, really – that they simply feel like they can do things that regular people aren’t allowed to do. They feel like their actions have no actual consequences.

(And honestly, thank goodness, because that sense of entitlement is what leads them to say and do the things that land them in this space. If celebrities weren’t ego-driven and lacking in self-awareness, this feature wouldn’t exist at all. That would be a real shame.)

Our latest entry in the “I’m famous so I don’t have to follow the rules” canon is actor Grant Gustin, who plays the Flash on the CW series of the same name. So what did young Mr. Gustin do? What easily-understandable and totally reasonable rule did he break?

He got busted vaping in an airplane bathroom. But, like, REALLY vaping. Vaping HARD.

Wednesday, 27 March 2019 12:54

Celebrity Slam - Between The Rock and a Hanks place

Written by Allen Adams

Our affinity for beef here at Celebrity Slam is no secret. There are few things that we love more than celebrities taking one another to task over slights real and imagined. The combination of massive egos and an absence of self-awareness results in a wonderfully deluded crescendo, a perfect storm of entitled idiocy that allows us to sit back and deliver scorn and mockery with reckless abandon.

We’re happy every time any pair of celebrities engages in public conflict. Online is fine, in-person is perfect, but really, we’ll take whatever we get.

But there’s beef … and then there’s BEEF.

This latest feud is something altogether different. So unexpected and unlikely as to be almost unbelievable. It’s a celebrity beef unlike any that we’ve ever had the good fortune to encounter. As far as Celebrity Slam, it may be the Platonic ideal of beef.

Buckle in folks, because The Rock is beefing … with Tom Hanks.

Go ahead. Take a second to collect yourselves. We certainly needed one. OK, deep breaths.

Wednesday, 20 March 2019 12:06

Celebrity Slam - Conor’s phone freakout

Written by Allen Adams

It’s always hard to deal with the week after.

While we always have fun here at Celebrity Slam, we are rarely gifted with something so beautifully perfect for this space as the still-ongoing college admissions scandal. Yes, there are plenty of plain, boring, un-famous rich people involved, but we also have Lori Loughlin and Felicity Huffman.

There have been developments since last we spoke, mostly regarding Loughlin’s side of things. Her daughter (and notable social media influencer) Olivia Jade has some old posts regarding her general disdain for school that don’t reflect well. Oh, and it turns out that she was partying on a yacht belonging to a USC trustee as everything was going down. Plus, Loughlin has gotten the old heave-ho from the fine folks at the Hallmark Channel.

But we can’t really spend too much time here. We have to move on. Even though subsequent stories almost certainly won’t be as fun, we can’t just live on Operation Varsity Blues forever.

And so, we’re going to talk about Conor McGregor.

Wednesday, 13 March 2019 12:41

Celebrity Slam - Admission ambition attrition

Written by Allen Adams

Much of our time here at Celebrity Slam is spent on beef and love. Specifically, celebrity feuds (the more online, the better) and relationships (hooray portmanteaus!) – it’s our bread and butter.

But sometimes, we’re granted a gift. A wonderful, weird and utterly ridiculous gift.

It doesn’t happen as often as we’d like, but every once in a while, a celebrity will get involved in something so ludicrous, so outlandish that we have to pinch ourselves to be sure that we aren’t somehow dreaming this lunacy into existence. But today, we have pinched. We are aware and we are focused and what we have before us is something truly magical.

Felicity Huffman and Lori Loughlin – come on down!

In what has to be in the conversation for most entitled action ever covered in this space, Huffman and Loughlin were among some 50 or so rich folks caught up in an investigation into a nationwide college entrance cheating operation. The federal investigation – awesomely titled “Operation Varsity Blues” – is taking those involved into custody, including a number of NCAA Division I coaches and other college-affiliated figures.

Wednesday, 06 March 2019 12:27

Celebrity Slam - Pete and Kate step out

Written by Allen Adams

We like to keep things light here at Celebrity Slam. There are some pretty dark stories out there in the celebrity sphere right now, dominating the conversation in a lot of ways. We’re not going to be talking about those stories; there are certain things we have no interest in mocking.

But you know what we do like? Celebrity couple portmanteaus!

This week’s entry into the namespace is the newly-minted coupling of Pete Davidson and Kate Beckinsale, who have been the subject of rumors over the past few weeks with regards to a possible romance blossoming between the two. They recently made it public (via PDA during a New York Rangers hockey game, because of course they did) and so we’re off to the races.

Having Pete Davidson back so soon after the collapse of his relationship with Ariana Grande is weird – we miss Grandson – but we all deal with that sort of stuff differently, so who are we to judge? Meanwhile, Beckinsale seems to be making a departure in partner – she was in long-term relationships with actor Michael Sheen and director Len Wiseman, divorcing the latter in 2016.

By all accounts, the still-budding relationship is growing nicely. Sources close to both are indicating that while things are moving somewhat slowly, they seem to be going somewhere.

(We’ll get to our misgivings about all of this at the end. For now – portmanteau!)

Wednesday, 27 February 2019 13:46

Celebrity Slam - Thirsty Trainor

Written by Allen Adams

We’ll be the first to admit that we don’t always get to write about stories in the timeliest fashion. We here at Celebrity Slam spend plenty of time combing the internet for delightful tales of celebrity weirdness and/or idiocy, but we’re only human. Sometimes, we miss something here or there.

One such story we missed was the cuckoo-bananas press release sent out by singer Meghan Trainor’s people in advance of her new EP, titled “The Love Train.” Obviously, the goal when preparing to release new music is to generate advance buzz for the project. You want people to be talking about what you’re bringing to the table.

However, there’s such a thing as too much. And while we’re not sure precisely where the line falls between enough and too much, we feel pretty confident that Trainor’s PR team landed firmly (and distantly) on the wrong side of it.

Wednesday, 20 February 2019 13:23

Celebrity Slam - All's fair in love and war

Written by Allen Adams

As you well know, we love good beef here at Celebrity Slam. We love it when famous people throw down some sizzling steak and allow the rest of us to dig right in and enjoy all of their petty grievances and stupid arguments.

But did you know that sometimes beef can transcend the feuds and grow into something more? That sometimes, the enemy of your enemy is not just your friend … but your lover?

That’s the case with current celebrity couple Soulja Boy and Blac Chyna, whose relationship began as an effort against a mutual enemy and blossomed into something real.

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