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Celebrity Slam (371)

Tuesday, 18 June 2019 16:04

Celebrity Slam - #31YearsChallenge

Written by Allen Adams

You might remember last week’s Celebrity Slam, when we got after Justin Bieber for challenging Tom Cruise to a fight on Twitter. We had a lot of fun at the expense of the Biebs – as we are wont to do – and had some laughs.

Unsurprisingly, Bieber didn’t take long before walking it back and apologizing for what we all pretty much already knew was a joke while also acknowledging something else that we all already knew – that Tom Cruise would straight-up whoop his a--.

One of the delightful side effects of the whole kerfuffle was the social media trend springing from the 31-year age difference between Bieber and Cruise. It led to what is being called the Bieber Challenge, where users took to Twitter to call out celebrities 31 years their senior and challenge them to fights.

Now, while we acknowledge that the currency of the moment has passed – not much lasts long in the cultural consciousness these days – we thought it might be fun for you readers out there to get a sense of some of the celebs that we would fight in the 31 Year Challenge and what our plan of attack might look like.

It turns out that 1945 was a pretty solid birth year as far as celebrities go, so there are going to be some prominent names here.

Tuesday, 11 June 2019 15:14

Celebrity Slam - Cruising for a bruising

Written by Allen Adams

Filling this space isn’t always easy. Sometimes, we really have to dig deep to find something – anything – worthy of our attention. This occasionally means that we’re forced to include items that perhaps don’t quite meet the lofty standards we set for ourselves.

This is not one of those times.

In fact, it is very much the opposite. This week, we have been gifted something rare and beautiful, a wonderful and weird bit of celebrity nonsense that is the Platonic ideal of a Celebrity Slam feature. It is a precious thing, unexpected and delightful. It is everything for which we dare hope.

Justin Bieber challenged Tom Cruise to a fight.

Yeah – we’re as excited as you are.

Tuesday, 04 June 2019 15:18

Celebrity Slam - Double dip

Written by Allen Adams

We’ve had a pretty good run here at Celebrity Slam in recent weeks. There has been more than enough to fill our snarky coffers. There have been some sweet beefs, ranging from filet mignon to Steak-Um. There have been some solid celebrity hook-ups, granting us the always-welcome opportunity to flex our portmanteau muscles. And there’s been plenty of the usual standard-issue idiocy on the part of the rich and famous.

Basically, it has been a while since we’ve had to really dig to find something worth discussing in this space. However, it appears that the time has come – there’s just not that much happening that we’re interested in mocking/scorning/deriding/whatever.

This leaves us grasping at straws. So we’ve decided to do a double-dip this week, featuring a pair of celebs who used to make fairly regular appearances here at Celebrity Slam. Two people who spent an earlier stretch of their fame saying and doing all manner of things that got them noticed in this space and other spaces like it. Sure, they’ve fallen off our radar a bit in recent years, but hey – sometimes it can be nice to touch base, see how everybody is doing these days.

So … we’re going to talk about Lindsay Lohan and Miley Cyrus. Not together, mind you – we’re just going to do a quick-hit check-in with both women.

Wednesday, 29 May 2019 11:10

Celebrity Slam - Moby dick

Written by Allen Adams

Anyone who reads this space with any kind of regularity knows that there are a few wells that we return to again and again. We love beef, obviously – the spicier the better. And if one or more of the parties involved is considerably more famous than the other, well … sign us up.

Another favorite topic of Celebrity Slam conversation is the celebrity romance. We sure do love it when famous folks wind up in relationships. We love speculating on how long they will last and on whether it’s a real thing or simply a publicity stunt. Of course, our absolute favorite is embracing the opportunity to generate celebrity couple names – we are known the world over for our love of portmanteaux.

But there’s one particularly rare beast out there that we have never had the opportunity to explore here in this space. In many ways, it is our white whale, a nigh-mythical being that combines our two favorite things into a single Slammable entity. For years, we searched, unsure if such a thing even existed, yet unable to walk away. We were Don Quixote, tilting at windmills on our fruitless quest. We were Ahab, obsessed over something that may well have existed only in the synaptic swirl of our half-madness.

This week, we found it. Ladies and gentlemen, it is real … and it is spectacular.

Wednesday, 22 May 2019 11:39

Celebrity Slam - Commitments and dropkicks

Written by Allen Adams

Our love for celebrity couples in this space is well-known at this point. No one digs on a famous romance quite like we do – we’re all about the portmanteaus! Most of the time, these pairings fizzle out after a few months; the truth is that celebs hook up and break up all the time. So when it looks like something’s going to have some legs, we love to celebrate it.

To that end – congratulations to Scarlett Johansson and Colin Jost on their engagement.

Wednesday, 15 May 2019 13:44

Celebrity Slam - Nama-steal

Written by Allen Adams

The items covered in this space tend to run the gamut. Sure, we tend to focus largely on beef and/or romance – we do so adore addressing the relationship dynamics that come with celebrity – but every once in a while, something comes along that is just plain weird. And while we love the usual fare, it’s fun to occasionally venture in a different direction with regards to the stories that we share.

And boy oh boy do we have a doozy for you this week. See, there’s weird … and then there’s WEIRD. And this time around, we’re definitely looking at the latter. Not that you’ll be the least bit surprised once you find out who our subject is.

Dennis Rodman.

In a story that would be too surreal and absurd to believe were it to feature almost anyone else, the Los Angeles Times reported that Rodman and some associates entered the Hot Vibes Yoga Studio in Newport Beach on two separate occasions and stole a whole bunch of merchandise.

Wednesday, 08 May 2019 11:02

Celebrity Slam - What is beef?

Written by Allen Adams

Another week, another beef. We sure do love it when famous people get into squabbles with one another, because it makes our jobs here at Celebrity Slam so much easier. We just love really leaning into these celebrity feuds and finding out what’s what. We love to throw around some scorn and derision, you know?

Sometimes, however, we don’t have any interest in scorning or deriding a beef. These are the beefs that are clearly all in good fun, with tongues planted firmly in cheeks. While genuine antipathy is obviously entertaining, there’s something to be said for two people getting in some gentle digs while beefing in a more performative way.

And that’s why this week, we’re going to talk about the goofy non-beef beef between James Holzhauer and Ken Jennings.

That’s right, folks – “Jeopardy!” beef!

Wednesday, 01 May 2019 09:49

Celebrity Slam - Blac Chyna's all business

Written by Allen Adams

We here at Celebrity Slam are great admirers of those who attempt to better themselves. It’s noble to want to improve oneself and we would never denigrate anyone for making every effort to do so.

And if that’s all it is, well – you won’t be hearing from us.

However, our stories come from the celebrity realm. And the truth is that celebrities aren’t always possessed of the traits that lend themselves to simple self-improvement. There are always going to be those famous folks who wind up making a mess even when their initial intentions are good ones.

This brings us to the saga of Blac Chyna and Harvard Business School.

Wednesday, 24 April 2019 11:50

Celebrity Slam - Ball & chain & Cage

Written by Tim Bissell

One of the most interesting things about this feature is how quickly strange stuff can happen when it comes to celebrities. Everything plays out at an accelerated pace – including relationships.

We’ve seen a ton of romantic connection burn out rather than burn on; the nature of fame makes balancing the dynamics tricky. Maybe one person is more famous than the other. Maybe one person is famous and the other person isn’t famous at all. Either way, navigating the relationship is a difficult task.

But then you have celebs who take it into a whole different place. Celebs like Nicolas Cage, who we’re absolutely thrilled to be hosting in this space once again.

Wednesday, 17 April 2019 10:06

Celebrity Slam - Jay Cutler sucks

Written by Allen Adams

Generally, when we address items in this space, we tend toward the negative. We jeer, we scorn, we mock – it’s sort of our whole deal.

But sometimes we’re presented with something … different. Something that doesn’t really seem to match up with the usual Slam-tastic experience. Something that doesn’t warrant any kind of negativity on its face but is so random and/or just plain weird that we find ourselves unable to resist it siren song.

And so, we’re going to talk about Kristen Cavallari and Jay Cutler.

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