Celebrity Slam (442)

Wednesday, 14 April 2021 09:33

Celebrity Slam - Host with the most

Written by Allen Adams

We spend a lot of time examining and unpacking the various foibles and/or misdeeds of the rich and famous in this space. Most weeks, we’re tickled to find this or that celebrity saying or doing something so arrogant or stupid or (usually) both that we can’t help but address it. Taking shots at those folks is undeniably fun – we don’t deny that.

Every once in a while, however, we choose to use this space as more of a celebration. Sometimes, it’s because a famous person that we admire has left us. Other times, it’s because one of our usual celebrity targets has found a way to turn things around. Still others, it’s an act of altruism that captures our attention.

We’re mostly snark, but not ALL snark.

This brings us to LeVar Burton. Now, everyone who has spent any time invested in popular culture over the past few decades knows LeVar Burton. The dude starred in “Roots,” was a cast member on “Star Trek: The Next Generation” AND hosted “Reading Rainbow” – of COURSE you know who he is.

Well, we’re talking about LeVar Burton this week for one reason and one reason only: he wants to be the new permanent host of “Jeopardy!” And he’s far from the only one.

It probably will come as no surprise to those of you reading this space that we’re often gifted with an embarrassment of potential riches. Sure, there’s the occasional dry week where we have to reach, but for the most part, we’ve got plenty to choose from. Because here’s the thing: Famous people do stupid stuff ALL THE TIME.

This has led to us developing a sort-of system for determining which item to choose to run with in a given week. It’s not particularly complex – there’s some wiggle room, but it basically boils down to striking the balance between degree of fame and audacity of offense. The more famous you are, the less egregious your misdeed needs to be to get you into the conversation. The inverse is also true – the less famous, the more outlandish your antics must be to warrant discussion.

And sometimes, you get a weird one that might not necessarily hit all the marks, but is just ridiculous enough to land here in Celebrity Slam.

Tuesday, 30 March 2021 22:13

Celebrity Slam - Rock the boat

Written by Allen Adams

By now, you’ve probably heard about the colossal container ship Ever Given that managed to turn sideways and block the Suez Canal in Egypt, crippling international commerce to a degree that no one outside the maritime shipping industry would have ever believed possible. You’ve probably also heard that the ship was finally pulled free and sent on its merry way after a six-day ordeal.

What you haven’t heard is how.

Oh sure, you’ve heard the bullcrap story that Big Ship is out here pushing, with all this stuff about rising tides and tugboats and all that noise. And we have no doubt that that is what they want you to believe, because the truth is something that none of them have any interest in admitting.

It was The Rock. The Rock did it.

Wednesday, 24 March 2021 09:05

Celebrity Slam - That's how I beat ... Lamar Odom?

Written by Allen Adams

As anyone who has spent time with us in the past knows, we here at Celebrity Slam do our very best to stay on top of the ever-shifting sands of celebrity culture. And it’s not an easy beat – the nature of our relationship to celebrity (and celebrity’s relationship to us) is constantly evolving.

It used to be that fame was reserved for those who reached the pinnacle of their profession and/or craft – entertainment, athletics, politics, what have you – but the explosion of options means that the definition of “pinnacle” has changed significantly. Instead of a few dozen movies and whatever turns up on the three broadcast networks or top-40 radio, the entire world is made up of content, all of it growing increasingly granular and niche as offerings expand.

Of course, to pinpoint just how ridiculous it all is, the previous 150ish words are there basically to introduce this reminder: celebrity boxing is still a thing.

Wednesday, 17 March 2021 13:08

Celebrity Slam - A J-Rod journey

Written by Tim Bissell

Here at Celebrity Slam, while we spend the majority of our time taking famous folks to task for the idiotic things that they say and do, we’re well-rounded celebrity-following individuals. There’s more to us than just snark and derision. We contain multitudes, as they say.

For instance, anyone who follows this space with any degree of regularity already knows that we are lovers of lovers here at the Slam. We are HUGE fans of celebrity relationships – we’re all about coming up with those cutesy portmanteau couple names (although we freely admit that we sometimes get a little out of hand and wind up with some weird ones – our all-time favorite was “Hiddleswift” during the blink-and-you-missed-it PR-driven courtship between T-Swift and everyone’s favorite Marvel villain Tom Hiddleston) – and we enjoy watching these people find each other amidst the rarified air of celebrity culture.

On that note, we’ve always had a real soft spot in our collective heart for J-Rod, the pairing of global pop superstar Jennifer Lopez and baseball legend Alex Rodriguez. It was one of those couples where the degrees of fame seemed to level out; J.Lo is more famous than A-Rod, but not so much more famous as to create an imbalance in the dynamic, especially since the overlap in the Venn diagram between fans of either person seems relatively small.

So obviously, we were sad to hear the rumblings about trouble in that particular paradise, with reports coming out last week that the couple had broken up after four years together, officially calling off the wedding that had already been delayed twice before due to the COVID-19 pandemic.

Wednesday, 10 March 2021 12:15

Celebrity Slam - Papa don't preach

Written by Allen Adams

We’re all for redemption tours here at Celebrity Slam. Yes, we greatly enjoy scorning and mocking famous people for their mistakes, but we also acknowledge that it is possible to atone for said mistakes. A show of genuine contrition and clear efforts at growth and evolution can go a long way toward rehabilitating someone’s image.

However, it is ALSO possible for these efforts at redemption to go off the rails in their own ridiculous ways. Sometimes, a famous person either proves unable to properly communicate their regrets or is ultimately unable to understand what the actual problem was in the first place.

This brings us to Papa John. Yes, the pizza guy.

Tuesday, 02 March 2021 10:44

Celebrity Slam - No fury like a Swiftie scorned

Written by Allen Adams

We’ve been doing this Celebrity Slam thing for a long time now – well over a decade – and while we’d never claim to be experts, it’s safe to say that we’ve learned a few things about how it all works in the celebrity sphere. There are a lot of nuances, a lot of dos and don’ts as far as how one should behave in order to avoid landing in doomed situations. We could offer up a lot of tips, but this week’s item gives us the opportunity to share one of the biggest.

Do NOT, under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, take a swing at Taylor Swift.

Leaving aside the fact that she will almost certainly eventually write a song about you that is both damning of your character and catchy as hell, thus ensuring that the shade cast your way will be part of the pop cultural landscape for the foreseeable future … she will not be shy about calling you out in the moment. And when that callout happens, well – the Swifties will come.

This week, Netflix f---ed around and they are now finding out.

Wednesday, 24 February 2021 12:51

Celebrity Slam - Kimye kaput

Written by Allen Adams

Look, there was no chance we were going to talk about anything else in this space this week. We’re talking about one of the iconic celebrity marriages (not to mention an all-time great of a portmanteau); our fundamental ethos demands that we talk about the dissolution of this union.

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are calling it quits.

Wednesday, 17 February 2021 12:58

Celebrity Slam - Fresh beef!

Written by Allen Adams

We’ve had an interesting run over the last few weeks here at Celebrity Slam. We’ve strayed a bit from the standard fare in this space, opting instead for memorial postings and some next-level weirdness like Lil Uzi Vert jamming a diamond into his head. It wasn’t a conscious choice – we just go where the famous people take us.

Happily, we have a couple of hip-hop dudes getting into it in Miami, allowing us to return to our Celebrity Slam roots and digging into some delicious beef.

This time, we’re looking at a boiling over in a longstanding conflict between Meek Mill and Tekashi 6ix9ine (that name will never not be ridiculous to type). The two have long had it in for each other, so when they crossed paths this weekend, sparks were bound to fly.

Wednesday, 10 February 2021 13:16

Celebrity Slam - Diamond in the fore of his head

Written by Allen Adams

When you’ve been doing this for as long as I have, it’s easy to think that you’ve seen everything. Sure, the details change, but in terms of the broader picture, there just can’t be THAT many ways for famous people to be idiots. Again – there are shifts in specifics (and the specifics are by far the most fun part of the whole thing), but the basic fundamental stuff is the same.

Twitter beefs, hookups and breakups, “don’t you know who I am?” – all pretty standard.

But just when you think you’ve got this whole deal figured out and that there’s nothing new under the sun, Lil Uzi Vert has a giant pink diamond surgically implanted in his forehead and you realize that you don’t know anything at all about anything at all.

I mean … just read that last sentence again. I’ll wait.

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