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Todd Parker Todd Parker
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Dear Todd Parker - (12/23/15)

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I'm not one to complain about much, but something happened yesterday that really infuriated me. I got angry to the point of wanting to find ways to cut a person completely out of my life. It's totally out of character for me, but all I can think about is how this person has wronged me.

I work with four other people in a small office. I had worked all weekend, so I wasn't scheduled to come in until a little later in the day on Monday. Let me repeat I had worked ALL WEEKEND, and so was unable to make it to the movies to see 'Star Wars: The Force Awakens.' This despite my life-long fandom. So my aim was to bust through a few hours of work before heading out and seeing the movie that evening.

That was the plan, anyway.

So I walk in and start settling in at my desk when one of my co-workers comes over and starts shooting the breeze. He asked me if I had seen the movie and I told him that I hadn't had the chance yet; he started talking about how good it was. I was doing my best to be polite, but the last thing in the world I wanted was to hear anything I'd worked hard to avoid spoilers.

And then? He tells me that [major big-time spoiler stuff redacted]! And he wasn't even sorry! He just dropped that bombshell and then scuttled off to his desk.

I've spent every spare moment since daydreaming of ways to exact my revenge. I want him to pay for what he has done. And yes, part of me knows that I'm overreacting, but I'm not at all sure by how much.

Am I making too much out of this? What can I do to get my head right again? I need help!

Spoiled in Brewer

Dear Spoiled,

Long story short: your co-worker is a monster who deserves whatever he gets.

Seriously what kind of nozzle keeps talking about a movie after someone has told them that they haven't seen it yet? I get the desire to chatter about it we all want to talk 'Star Wars' but to go on and on to someone who hasn't seen it but plans to?

And for this guy to tell you [same redacted thing as before] with such casual cruelty is appalling. From the story you tell, it sounds almost deliberate. And God help any of us faced with the sort of soulless beast that would do such a thing on purpose. I hate to be the one to break it to you, but your co-worker might be a sociopath.

In truth, what possible damage could you do against such a creature? Obviously, the conventional weaponry of interpersonal interaction is out; when faced with such a remorseless foe, what else is there to do but concede? You're certainly not going to be able to dig deep enough to come up with an effective response, so why waste the time?

Not the best day for you, Spoiled. Not only was the year's most eagerly-anticipated film partially ruined for you, but you also learned that at least one of your co-workers is an infinite fount of cold emptiness. Or possibly a robot. But probably the first one.

May the Force be with you.

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